Why did the mountaineer bring a zippo instead of matches?
Because it was a little lighter!
“So what’s it like living in the mountains?”
It’s got it’s ups and downs
The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved
He really raised the bar on that one
What's the best compliment you can give to singing mountains?
Wow, that's quite a range!
Mountain jokes are always the funniest
Because they're peak comedy
I was all set to become one of the worlds greatest mountain climbers.
But then I peaked too early.
Which mountains have the best nuts?
Disclaimer: this is my 5 year old son's joke. He is a dad in the making. "Everest is the biggest mountain. Mount Fuji is the prettiest. Which mountain is the stinkiest?"
What's the difference between a gymnast jaguar, and a meth-head mountain lion?
One is an acrobatic cat.
The other is a broke, addict cat.
Why did they build the university on a mountain?
It was a place of higher learning.
Don’t ever go to the local mountains and try to rent skis.
You can only get snowbored.
The mountains aren't just funny, they're
What did the mountain say to the funny highlands?
Anyone listened to the mountain joke?
If not u should cause it’s hil-arious
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is
I enjoyed hiking up mountains, until I arrived at the top.
From there, it's all downhill.
Mountain lions are very rarely spotted in the wild...
That’s because mountain lions aren't spotted, cheetahs are!
What did one mountain say to the other after the earthquake?
A mountain makes the best jokes.
The nation of Iran lies between the ancient lands of Babylon to the west and the mountains of Afghanistan to the east...
In other words, it’s between Iraq and a hard place.
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
After a long hike to the top of a mountain, my wife asked me, “So what do you think of The View?”
I said, “Whoopi Goldberg is ok, but I don’t like the other women on the show.”
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.
What did the non-binary prospector say when they saw the mountain range?
I bet there’s gold in them/their hills.
(Shamelessly stolen from danimidwest on tiktok)
Why couldn’t the peeping tom climb mountains?
Because he always peaked.
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I can’t tell if he’s drawing snakes, mountains, teepee’s, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Since this is a “Nana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a “ba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a “banana” on the counter.
I just learned that they're giving away soda in the Swiss mountains.
Apparently there's a guy up there just shouting, "Freeeee Colaaaaa"
The Himalayas aren’t the best mountains,
But they’re definitely up there.
There was once a troop of boy scouts camping in the mountains
Needing to refill on water, they approached a pristine mountain stream. "Surely we don't need to boil THIS water. It's so clear!" they thought. They all got sick.
Never judge a brook by its color.
Mt oldest is getting to be pretty good at using my own jokes against me when I'm not expecting.
Kid: Hey dad, look at that! (Points with his finger to something off in the distance.)
Me: (Looking in direction he's pointing) What? Where? I don't see anything.
Kid: (Still pointing) Right there, look, you see it?
Me: (Still looking, getting annoyed that I don't see it) WHAT? What is it??
Kid: (Holding up the same finger) It's my finger!
I have been doing this to him recently and it always gets him. I love that he's able to totally get me with it now.
Edit: MY oldest, not Mt oldest. Not sure what the oldest mountain is, but it probably isn't as funny as my oldest kid is becoming.
I can't seem to grow oats or barley, or spelt in the mountains where I live. I guess it's true what they say...
What do you call the ride sharing lanes that cut through the mountains?
What kind of mountains offends the most feminists?
Ever run out of water in the mountains?
Girlfriend, my dog and I went hiking today and on the way up the mountain there was a big bee buzzing around my head.
So I said “Bee-gone” and my girlfriend shook her head. Best feeling ever.
I was walking in the Himalayan mountains when a hairy creature came into view. I was about to snap a picture but it said, "do not take a picture of me at this moment."
What's the smartest mountain in the world?
Why do mountains make the best jokes?
Because they are hill areas!
Oops, I went up the wrong mountain
Why did the comedians climb the mountain?
Cause they thought it would be hill-arious!!!
Once we make it to the top of that mountain...
...it’s all downhill from there
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