They call it the "Marble Cinna-matic Uni-verse"
Because it was taken for granite.
"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"
He asked me if it takes place in the Marble Cinematic Universe
When you slap a marble statue on the butt
Father and son project; painting a bicycle I recently salvaged. It was my first time using spray paint...
Dad: Make sure you shake that can before spraying it on there.
Me: How long do I shake it for?
Dad: Until the marble dissolves.
After 15 minutes and a sore arm I started asking questions...
I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.
I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, βDo you want a liftβ. βNo thanksβ, they replied, βWeβre Walkersβ.
I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said βthatβs maderia cakeβ.
Bought some cream, it said βstore in a cool placeβ. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.
A man says βI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the otherβ. The doctor says βIβm afraid you are a trifle deafβ.
I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden
What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.
Ice cream is exquisiteβ¦ βwhat a pity it isnβt illegal.
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adamβs banana.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because itβs too hard to put them on the bottom!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When itβs been sliced.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charleyβs death? BEN and JERRY.
Donβt eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you wonβt be able to budge.
You know youβre a mom ifβ¦ Popsicles have become a staple food.
Mexican candy makes my taste buds say βOLE!β
FORGET LOVEβ¦ Iβ
... keep reading on reddit β‘I was 16 and had found a small cyst (marble sized) in my scrotum. My regular Doc. had referred me to a Urologist, my dad came along "for support"
Dr: Hello, I'm Dr. so and so, what brings you in to see me?
Dad: Well it's my son here, apparently he has grown a third testicle.
Dr: I see, if that's case, the truth is you don't need me, you need to get your son an agent!
The kids were setting up a game that was missing some pieces, marbles as it happened. So they asked, "Dad, do you have any marbles?"
"Nope, I've lost mine."
At least my wife appreciated it....
We divided into groups and the lab was to use the measured volume and diameter of various spheres to find our own approximation of pi. So we had to use marbles and some ball bearings. We get to our station to start measuring when a girl in my group says:
Her:"Hey, where'd the blue marble go?"
Me: "I don't know. It'll be fine though, so don't... lose your marbles"
Her:nearly slaps me
I said it a few times that class, and when some other group dropped a marble down the drain I said it loud enough to get a groan from the whole class.
Had a dad-spotting while walking through the empty hall at school a few minutes ago. A small object rolled out of a door further down the hall followed closely by a stooped over middle-aged professor chasing after it. He nabbed it up just as I was passing by and looked up at me to say, "I've got to get out of here. I'm losing my marbles."
He then laughed to himself and quickly ducked back into the classroom.
I'm an architect and visited a house with my boss and the client today which is nearly finished. We were talking about the marble counter he got for his bathroom and how nice it is.
My boss - "Yes, client, we really think you're doing a marvelous job with this so far..."
Me - "Maybe even a marbleous job"
silence
> > Balls > > > > INTERESTING OBSERVATION > > 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. > > > > > > > > > > 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. > > > > > > > > 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. > > And... > > > > > > > > 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is > > GOLF. > > > > THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: > > > > The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls > > become. > > There must be a boat load of people in Ottawa and Queen's Park > > playing marbles. > > You know you WILL PASS THIS ONE ON!
Grandpa: Pulls out all of the contents of his pocket and stands in a crowd staring at it... just waiting for the sucker who asks what he's doing.
When someone finally notices, sometimes after minutes of waiting, he says "They say I lost my marbles, but I found one"
Sure enough, he'll have a marble in his hand. He always carries a marble so he can make this joke.
