Watt is the unit of power?
I will become the next great god. The embodiment of Thor and Odin’s power.
I can tie my shoe laces just by using the power of my mind.
I bet you don't believe me...
I thought knot.
I was experimenting with the power grid of my house
The results were shocking
Why are gas powered cars part of the LGBT community?
They have a transmission.
Generating all of our power from solar energy ....
... its not going to happen overnight!
How do you measure the power of love?
In jewels
It's an engineering joke
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
The power of my nun-chucks
What is the best shape to catch a Power Ranger with?
A trapezord.
Alternatively, the best shape to catch a homeless crustacean doctor is a trapezoidburg.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
After getting my first vaccine I asked the nurse what super power do I get, but she just looked straight through me.
Looks like I might have invisibility!
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
I have the power to ejaculate a pretty good distance.
I’m surprised at how far I’ve come.
One of my daughters wants to marry the mailman...
What is the opposite of Ladies fingers?
Ever since the power company shut off my electricity
I’ve been in a very dark place.
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?
Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plead?"
The defendant who is a robot: "Guilty as charged"
Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery
I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
What is the smelliest kind of ox?
Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.
Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
The power went out when I got my COVID vaccine, and I got lost in the building.
It was a shot in the dark, but I found it!
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."
The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.
"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."
EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
What did Austin Powers say when he visited the apiary?
What did the piece of wood say when it had nothing to do?
Like a good Grandpa I share with my 12 yr old Grandson the amazement of r/dadjokes regularly. He thinks you all are totally cool. I told him there is much power here. How? He asked. Let me demonstrate... With the diahrrea song.. I'll start.
Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...
A lot of people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology.
I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
When you die, what part of the body dies last?
The pupils....they dilate.
Why did the student throw a 64 pack of Crayola crayons at his art teacher after he was done with his test?
He wanted to pass with flying colors.
I thought of that myself.
The comments is full of puns like this one
The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved
He really raised the bar on that one
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
What's the opposite of a croissant?
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