Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits?
From what I heard they’re a bit tacky.
In the latest news... the Seven Dwarves have been advised that as of today, they can only meet in groups of six.
One of them is not Happy.
Has anyone heard the latest breaking news about the M25?
Its going all around London
Did you hear that the latest north pole expedition was ended two weeks early?
They got there ok but then things went south.
What did the naked minstrel call his latest song?
I love the latest album by The Quilts.
They’re my favorite cover band.
Asked my son if he and his friends, were playing the latest Virtual Reality game.
I was reading a history book, and apparently in the middle east there were hundreds of years where nocturnal predator birds used to fly around and ejaculate all over the place. The Arabic people would keep each other up to date on the latest attacks; and so marked the beginning of...
Did you hear the latest joke about the dentist who loves tooth extraction?
Dud you hear the latest from The FatRat?
He walked into his studio and all he found was DeadMau5
The latest James Bond movie is not getting released in China because of Coronavirus fears.
Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe the latest volcano eruption...
Here's the latest episode of a competitive pun gameshow that I host, 'Punnit'. Where 3 contestants deliver their best pre-written pun to categories such as Board Games & Kitchen Utensils, Pokemon & Takeaway Dishes + more.
youtube.com/watch?v=sjQg5…
I'm very proud of my latest work. To make good puns, you need to have the drive
It seems the latest iPhone hints at the existence of an afterlife.
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the latest Batman film. Our dates so far can be summarised as follows:
Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman
Have you seen the latest pirate movie out in cinemas?
It's rated aRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Upgrading to the latest version of Microsoft Office can cure your depression.
It really improves your Outlook.
Have you seen the latest Italian Musical?
It was so good, it won a rigatoni.
The latest royal baby just began speaking today! No comment from Buckingham Palace so far.
Apparently, Mum's the word.
If you haven't heard of the latest trends, then Dwaine Johnson must be living above you
If you like the latest kind of IPA...
...then you're into hip hop.
Did you hear about the latest thing Donald Trump is trying to do? He’s planning to ban shredded cheese.
He just wants to make America grate again.
You guys hear about the latest batch of Jim Beam? I've been told it's pretty lit.
You hear about the latest book on poltergeists?
It's flying off the shelves.
How do the sisters feel about the latest sex scandal in the Catholic Church?
Are glass coffins the latest fashion trend?
The latest despot's name is Richard Potato,
But his friends just call him Dick Tater.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What’s the best cut of meat to cook for your latest online match?
What do you call a dinosaur that knows the latest dance move?
My dad is a big fan of Marvel comics, and we were watching the latest Avengers. He kept saying "Thanos is going crazy son, just watch it...
... he will snap anytime now."
My Dad’s latest Christmas brunch joke: How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle some P’s around.
When the polar bear comes up to take a P, you kick him in the hole.
My neighbor is renovating his kitchen and keeps leaving huge delivered packages on his front lawn. The latest is a huge basin on a pallet and It. Is. An eyesore.
Let that sink in.
Happy Father's Day!
I'm the latest victim.
I was trying on some really old pants, and this particular pair of pants were fucking tight. Like, squeeze my soul out tight.
I remarked- " Good god, when did we buy these? 1947? (I usually say this when I'm talking about something old. Independence and whatnot)
And my dad goes " Yeah. Your gramps passed it on to me, and now its yours. That's why they're called Jeans."
My mom got annoyed.
My grandma makes blankets using a loom. She crafted the latest one so well that it'll never fray or fall apart!
Made my wife cringe over the latest dad joke
(she's working on a project that involves a fake plastic fish)
me: Isn't it weird that you don't see obese fish?
her: Yeah but that's because they just keep growing bigger.
me: Oh, I thought it was because they all have scales
Have you guys seen the latest thing to go viral?
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack
The latest Hollywood health craze is to regularly drink a mixture of almond milk and milk of magnesia.
It's called a Blue Diamond Phillips.
The White Whale is this new indie band, and their latest single is "Call Me, Moby"
A really bad cold has been making its way around my office. The latest victim just started coughing today.
Him: "Nah, I'm not getting sick. It's all in the head. Like allergies. I used to be allergic to pistachios, but now I'm not!" starts eating some pistachios
Me: "Did you really used to be allergic to them?"
Him: "No, of course not. That would be nuts!"
Taking kids to the latest Disney movie
"I know the tale is as old as time, I hope they finally tell us how old the rest of him is."
A geologist is showing off some the latest additions to her collection
when coincidentally another geologist passes by. These 'gems' catch his eyes. His curiosity becomes anger and he exclaims,
"I just had a few prized finds of my own go missing a few days ago. Where did you get these!?".
The other geologist replies, "Well, that's none of your Bismuth".
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