You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
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︎ Mar 25 2021
you know what drives old people up the wall?
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︎ Mar 08 2021
The trees around the house are starting to bud. I said to my wife, "Honey, do you know what happens when the trees leaf out?"
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
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︎ Mar 30 2021
You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?
Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Did you know habaneros can grow in the snow?
You would think they would get cold, but they are just a little chili.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
You know that it's always the boys raised by single moms that end up with Dad Bods.
They always wanted a father figure.
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︎ Mar 30 2021
There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught?
No, he covered his tracks.
(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)
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︎ Mar 25 2021
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Did you know the first French Fries weren't cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Did you know that Olive branch is a symbol of peace. People were using olive branch during the history to declare truce by giving it to their enemies
If you are wondering how I know this, it's because olive random trivia
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︎ Apr 05 2021
The price for a slice of pie in Costa Rica is $2.50 and $3.00 in the Bahamas. Do you know what those are?
The pie rates of the Caribbean.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
I learned something new about cemeteries; the people in its town aren't the ones being buried there. Do you know why?
It's because they're still alive.
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︎ Apr 03 2021
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, βAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I donβt know what to do!β Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...heβs really a big lyre.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Do you know what's the deepest word in English?
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Do you know whats the best thing about dead batteries?
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?
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︎ Nov 16 2020
79% of people don't know opposite words for the following.
- Always
- Coming
- From
- Take
- Me
- Down
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Know the difference
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︎ Feb 25 2021
I have finale cracked the most difficult problem. I now know all the digits of pi.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
My wife was a captain in the Army Reserve. She told me she had a promotion and asked me to attend the ceremony. I donβt know much about the Army,
...but I understand this promotion was a major ordeal.
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︎ Apr 05 2021
I know I have a terrible stutter, but I would like to introduce you to the lady who cuts my hair
This is Ba ba ba ba barber Anne.
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Do you know the downside of shoes?
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︎ Mar 22 2021
Did you know that the people of Dubai do not like The Flinstones...
But the people of Abu Dhabi Do!
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︎ Mar 20 2021
To understand this pun you need to know that the book in the first photo is called Apolodor
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︎ Feb 26 2021
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereβs no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
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︎ Mar 18 2021
I don't know whether the chicken or the egg came first.
You could say I'm eggnostic.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Do you know how many clickbait articles there are out on the Internet now?
The answer may shock you.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
What do you call a truck driver who knows a lot about the truck but can't read or write fluently?
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
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︎ Nov 09 2020
Do you know who is an expert on the Dunning-Kruger effect?
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Did you know the giant crab from Moana changed his name to Tamatoa after he got shiny?
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︎ Apr 04 2021
You know what was really cool back in the day?
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︎ Mar 18 2021
Did you know the film βSpeedβ had no director?
If it had direction, it would be called βVelocityβ.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I donβt know what he laced them with but, Iβve been tripping all day....
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︎ Mar 08 2021
Did I ever tell you the hammer in my garage knows a dance?
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︎ Mar 31 2021
A sausage says to the egg "You know, after they burn us up on that hot pan, they'll stab us with forks and cut us with their sharp knives...
The egg says to the sausage "wow, amazing - a talking sausage!"
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︎ Mar 20 2021
We know the Panama has had its problems, and the Suez had that ship stuck recently, but my co-worker must know of another problematic waterway. Every day he yells out...
βFar Canal. I hate this placeβ.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Does anyone know the best way to remove ice from a windscreen?
I've just used an old discount card I found in my wallet, but I only got 20% off....
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︎ Jan 21 2021
How did the blind sheepherder know where their sheep were?
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︎ Mar 11 2021
I asked my wife, βDid you know thereβs a fruit that gives you your entire potassium requirement for the day?β
My wife: Thatβs bananas.
Me: I know, I couldnβt believe it either.
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︎ Feb 23 2021
Geologists know all the rocks, anthracite many from memory.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
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︎ Mar 25 2021
I only know 25 letters in the alphabet.
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︎ Mar 15 2021
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