Why did they kick the skeleton out of the bar?
He couldnβt hold his liquor.
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︎ Jan 13 2022
It took me 6 years to kick the habit
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︎ Nov 16 2021
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Updated: For the notorious dad joker who wants to melt a heartβ¦ and then kick it while itβs defenses are down
I posted yesterday about how my 8 y/o son used a knock knock joke to melt my heart and turn me into a bowl of mush. Only, he was playing the long game β¦. And had a new joke waiting for me this morning.
Yesterdayβs joke (when I was expecting interrupting cow):
Knock knock.
Whose there?
Good.
Good who?
Good morning, I love you.
β¦.
β¦.
Todayβs joke (when I was expecting yesterdayβs again):
Knock knock.
Whose there?
Good.
Good who?
Good Lord, you smell!
β¦.
β¦.
Thanks son, Iβm glad you exist but youβre ruthless.
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︎ Jun 12 2021
Why did the prawns wife kick him out?
She was sick of him acting so shellfish
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︎ May 21 2021
My priest prescribed a circuit of crunches, flutter kicks, bicycles, and plank holds for the guilt I confessed about neglecting my stomach muscles during workouts.
I finally received my abs solution.
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︎ May 12 2021
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.
Soon Itβll just be water under the fridge.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Tae Kwon Donkey (The Ass that kicks back) And Crab Maga (The Krav Maga crab that doesnβt just talk crab, he backs it up). Figured this community of punsters would appreciate the universe we are creating on Patreon.
reddit.com/gallery/lgzbtq
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︎ Feb 10 2021
The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.
Personally, I think itβs nuts.
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︎ Apr 01 2019
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg
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︎ Nov 25 2019
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I sure got a kick out of seeing the comedian perform.
I would have preferred a handshake, though.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
My wife threatened to kick me out of the house if I did not stop acting like a Flamingo.
That was when I put my foot down!
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︎ Jan 03 2020
Why did the job applicant kick the door on his way into the interview?
So he could try to get a foot in the door
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︎ Sep 28 2020
How did the deaf guy finally kick the bucket?
You see, he had hearing AIDS
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︎ Mar 05 2020
The Chinese Coronavirus is really starting to kick peopleβs ass worldwide.
Should call it, Kung Flu.
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︎ Jan 26 2020
I saw a burglar trying to kick in his own door, so I asked βWhat the hell are you doing?β
He said, βLike everyone else, Iβm working from home.β
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︎ Apr 15 2020
My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.
More on this after the break.
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︎ Apr 01 2020
Punt or kick the field goal?
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︎ Aug 18 2019
When do the Coronavirus symptoms kick in ?
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︎ Feb 08 2020
Coworker said, "if you do that again, I'll kick you in the shin."
"That's alright, I wore shinguards today."
"...why?"
"Just for kicks!"
All I got for my wit was a deadpan look and a slow head shake.
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︎ Oct 05 2014
Took this a couple minutes ago, i have to say the kicks are FIRE
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︎ May 13 2019
All the other kids with their pumped up kicks...
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︎ Dec 14 2017
I was playing soccer and wondered how they could kick the ball so far
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︎ Nov 13 2019
(The characters name is kicks.)
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︎ Dec 27 2018
What does the furniture say when you kick it?
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︎ Jul 21 2019
I found a man living in the edge of my roof, and I didn't kick him out
I let him do as he soffit
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︎ Oct 04 2018
My future epitaph in case I kick the bucket:
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︎ Jun 15 2016
I'll never forget the last words my dad said before he kicked the bucket..."son, look how far i can kick this bucket"
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︎ Dec 16 2017
As a pregnant woman, I find it hard to describe the almost magical feeling of what it's like when the baby kicks.
It's almost like an in the body experience
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︎ Jun 07 2018
Ra ra ree, kick em in the knee
Ra ra rass, kick em in the....other knee.
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︎ Apr 08 2018
When do you kick a midget in the balls
When he is standing next to your wife or girlfriend saying her hair smells great
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︎ Oct 20 2017
Pessimists need a kick in the can'ts.
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︎ Apr 09 2018
Shopping for new kicks for my daughter. I asked my wife why there were no flies in the store. She shrugged and I told her it was because of all the shoe.
Kid groaned, wife groaned, but I got a chuckle from the clerk.
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︎ Aug 05 2017
Got a good kick out of this in the Sopranos
Tony Soprano: So your father tells me you're takin' up astronomy in college.
Kevin Bompensiero: No, business.
Tony Soprano: Well, how come he keeps sayin' you're takin' up space in school?
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︎ May 09 2014
Got a kick out of this one from my FB feed. Got a kick out of the reaction too...
http://i.imgur.com/pigfT5Q.png
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︎ Feb 16 2016
My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with impersonating a news anchor...
More on this after the break.
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︎ Jan 08 2020
The instructor in my self defense class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.
Personally, I think itβs nuts
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 21 2019
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