The Gambler Puns

They gave me 2-to-1 odds I wouldn’t make it.

I like those odds

They always bet high STEAKS.

Because they’re always Dublin’ down.

Pair-a-dice

Cuz he knows

(Casinos)

He didn't like staking his tent.

The steaks were too high

Procrastinator's Anonymous will be canceled because all the members have put off coming to at least next week. (Credit unknown)

Jane finally decided to join Narcotics Anonymous after getting needled into coming. (Original)

I bet you 50:1 odds that Joe won't be here at Gamblers Anonymous tonight. (Original)

As Laura spoke at AA, I found her account intoxicating. (Original)

Even if I were transgender, I doubt I'd ever go to a Crossdressers Anonymous meeting. I hear those meetings are literally a drag. (Original)

At a computer users' group, a guy was complaining that his Linux-loving girlfriend refused to do Windows. (Original)

I plum need to attend a Purple Anonymous meeting. (Original)

There was a guy who was a gambler you know, he always bet on the number five, so he went to the horse races. He went on May 5, 2005, at 5:00 o'clock, he went to the fifth race, he bet on the fifth horse.

He got fifth place.

My dad and I went hunting with some friends in south texas for opening teal season. As I am putting my waders on, he tell me to remember to tie my boots as tight as I can, "or else they'll fall off in the mud, and that would suck, literally". He couldn't have been more proud of himself.

Later he holds the door as I walk out of the small convince store in the town, and I naturally say "thanks". He replies with "you bet," and I told him "really? Because I'm not much of a gambler..." And he just frowned at me.