Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
Dad: Yes, because of Covid.
Son: No fair!
Dad: Thatโs what I said.
He heard that the comics had the crowds cracking up
Theyโre for the festive period!
No-el no-L
But it turns out to be quite light
The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.
I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.
I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.
Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.
Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights? A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.
Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.
I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.
The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.
The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.
The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.
The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.
The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.
The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.
Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.
The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.
Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.
Obviously its going to have Fair prices.
To pee or not to pee: that was the question.
โSorry, son. Iโm baroqueโ
'Ricotta be kidding me!'
They're calling it Allahpalooza some of the headliners include, The Suicide Girls, Bombye West, and The Big Bang Theory.
Judges declared it literally the wurst.
The doc nods his head, gives her some pills and tells her to come back in a week.
A week later, the old woman comes back and is very upset. "I'm still very gassy, but now my farts are really loud and smell like a porta-potty at a chili festival!"
The doc says "Well now that we've cleared up your hearing and sense of smell, we can do something about your gas!"
I said she could go as long as she doesn't get pickled.
http://i.imgur.com/INcqgZ3.png
Talking with my mom and dad and my mother was talking about the owl festival going on a few miles away this weekend. My dad and I look at each other and roll our eyes and I say, "sounds like a hoot..."
It was inclement weather
It was a monumental undertaking.
I think I might have Florets.
(Edinburgh fringe festival 2019: credit to the comedian Olaf Falafel)
It's for the festive period!
I was at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival waiting for โMacbethโ to begin and next to me this Dad says conversationally to his family, โYou know, It makes sense that this play is set in Scotland... after all they mostly get kiltโ
His family groaned and I gave him props for the Dad joke in the wild.
Iโve been telling my #2 daughter dad jokes from this sub every day. She got me back this weekend.
As we were walking to the National Mall in D.C. for the Earth Day concerts on Saturday we noticed that the Smithsonian was having the National Math Festival.
She says โ What do you do there? Solve math problems and eat Pi?
While walking through the art festival with the family, I was showing my kids how anything could be considered art when we came across plaster castings of animal head bones.
Without missing a beat, I pointed out: "I guess this would be called skulptures"
At least the artist laughed... when my youngest told me I wasn't funny
We were driving through town and the annual festival was going on.
Fiancee: Corn Fest is back to being down town? What happened to it being at the airport?
Me: Not that many people went when it was held at the airport. I guess you could say, it never really took off.
I got the biggest groan and eyeroll ever.
So we were at the local Renaissance festival on labor day and temps were getting up to the 90s. I see a guy carrying ice to one of the shops. Slyly I lean over to the wife and say: " Look honey, that guy has the coolest job."
Consider this one of my finest dad moment.
My friends and I just entered the ACL (Austin City Limits) festival, which it's basically a HUGE music festival. While we're walking, a stage is playing a song by the Beatles to which my girlfriend jokingly says, "Oh, I didn't know the Beatles were playing today!" I reply with, "It's part of their Lazarus Project!" Then a lady in front of us turns and says, "Niiiiice."
It should also be mentioned that I'm had my first rehearsal for the local Bach Festival last night.
My brother and I were at a Spartan race this morning. After the race, we went to the festival area to check out the booths. One of them was a boot camp advertising with a 60 second challenge to win bragging rights. We weren't interested so we kept walking, but they hollered at us.
Girl 1: C'mon, it's only 60 seconds!
Girl 2: What's 60 seconds anyway?
Me: It's one minute!
They left us alone after that...
We're a thoroughly American family with German/Danish roots. For fun we went to a Greek culture festival as a different kind of Friday night. As soon as we're through the gate, he turns to my youngest brother and mutters:
"Everything seems so...foreign."
He was so pleased with himself that he repeated it to each one of us separately.
This Christmas, my dad, brother, and I went over to my grandfather's house to visit. My grandpa has a pool table, so we always play a couple games. Our teams were my dad and my brother against my grandpa and me. After his turn, my dad goes over to a piano in the corner of the room and starts playing Christmas tunes. His turn quickly comes up and he's still playing the festive tunes on the piano. My grandpa yells at him, "Hey! We're playing pool. Stop playing piano." My dad replies, "Fine! I'll play forte," and continued to play Jingle Bells, but very loudly.
Dad: No. Youโre grounded.
Son: No fair!
Dad: Thatโs exactly what I said.
Dad: No, itโs too dangerous.
Son: No fair!
Dad: Yes, thatโs exactly what I said.
Son: No fair!!
Dad: Exactly what I said.
Dad: No, you are grounded.
Son: No fair!
Dad: Thatโs exactly what I said!
Him: No fair!
Me: Thatโs exactly what I said.
