The Emergency Puns

A list of puns related to "The Emergency"

Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool...

This is not a drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!

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👤︎ u/FunetikPrugresiv
📅︎ Oct 17 2020
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My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...

I was ready and wading!

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Aug 09 2020
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Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.

You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

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👤︎ u/cozykinkajou
📅︎ Apr 10 2020
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A chef cut himself and went to the emergency room...

The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.

"Fine then. Suture self."

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👤︎ u/scarecrow53
📅︎ Jan 05 2020
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My local government sent me some free, emergency toilet paper in the mail!

They called it a "Jury Summons."

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👤︎ u/PotBuzz
📅︎ Mar 22 2020
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The Novel Coronavirus has become a worldwide health emergency

WHO cares

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👤︎ u/icanonlysaythewordhi
📅︎ Feb 13 2020
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Before my operation last week, the nurse wanted to know if I could give them a contact number in case of an emergency...

I said, "911."

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
📅︎ Dec 29 2019
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My friend was creating the world's longest string of hyphens when he had a family emergency...

He had to dash away.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Nov 06 2019
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After I brought home my last dog I ended up in the emergency room

Apparently I roverdosed myself

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👤︎ u/BoomerB3
📅︎ Sep 10 2019
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What did the Italian astronaut say during an emergency reentry?

Okay buckle in guys were pasta point of no return

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👤︎ u/afterburners_engaged
📅︎ Nov 18 2018
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Who takes a bivalve to the hospital in an emergency?

A clambulance.

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👤︎ u/alvarortor
📅︎ Nov 08 2018
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My wife was out for a run and said she had to take an emergency poop in the woods. I want to believe her...

But I think it's a load of crap.

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👤︎ u/kingnebwsu
📅︎ Feb 11 2019
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My SO sprained her ankle last night. After a few hours waiting in the emergency room we were sent to the radiology for an X-Ray!

I told her to break a leg.

^(I just had to share this. For what it was worth, I made her smile, like an upset "I don't want to laugh at this moment, but I can't help it" kind of smile, and that's what counts. Luckily there were no fractured bones.)

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👤︎ u/Patrick_the_Saint
📅︎ Aug 12 2018
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Did you hear about the emergency surgery to remove a neckbeard, scarf and fedora?

Doctors were pleased to announce the first ever successful hipsterectomy.

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👤︎ u/OttawaCharlie
📅︎ Aug 31 2018
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There was an emergency when I used an impact driver to make a hole in the wall

It was not a drill

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👤︎ u/yobababi
📅︎ Apr 29 2018
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A man was rushed to the emergency room after several small plastic model horses were inserted in his rectum.

The doctors are now reporting his condition as "stable".

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👤︎ u/gurana
📅︎ Apr 21 2018
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What do you call it when too many dogs show up at the emergency room?

Roverdose

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👤︎ u/keithmcgreggor84
📅︎ Dec 29 2017
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Did you hear about the emergency baby delivery in the White House bakery?

That kid's American, born in bread.

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👤︎ u/CaptainTudmoke
📅︎ Aug 19 2017
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My father-in-law: still dad-joking, even in the emergency room

While sitting on a gurney in the ER for chest pains (he's fine, just high blood pressure):

Doctor: So, what brought you here today? Father-in-law: The ambulance.

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👤︎ u/witty_username
📅︎ Oct 17 2013
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Old man dadjoked the doctor in the Emergency Room

Old man in the room next to my roommate's was checked in since he had a big fall and probably broke something.

Doctor - "Do you remember what happened when you fell?"

Old Man - "Well...I hit the floor."

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👤︎ u/teH_wuT
📅︎ Jul 23 2014
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My dad texted me this while I was at the emergency room after chopping the tip off of my finger.

I had cooked smoked sauasge and was chopping jalapeños and cut the tip off my finger.

He texted me while at the emergency room commenting on the sausages:

"The sausages are really good but there is something different about them and I can't quite put my finger on it"

He followed up with this when my girlfriend and I returned from the hospital:

"Elizabeth are you hungry? We have some finger sandwiches if you are."

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👤︎ u/Firm_as_red_clay
📅︎ Aug 09 2016
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Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room?

Because it was more ER tea.

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👤︎ u/Reynzo
📅︎ May 28 2016
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