An original from my 5 year old daughter: Why was the egg itchy?
Because it had egg-zema.
She's suffered from eczema since she was a baby and I'm glad she can find humor in it.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
The best time of day to ingest eggs is at the crack of dawn.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I've just been laid and you expect me to get hard in 5 minutes.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
Why do the French only eat one egg at breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
From my 7 year old - why was the egg covered in ink?
Because it was being ink-cubated
He came up with this one on his own after hearing another one on this sub.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
I served Elton John a boiled egg the other day. I asked him how it was, and he said....
"It's a little bit runny".
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.
There's no place like home for the hollandaise.
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︎ Dec 12 2020
What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?
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︎ Nov 08 2020
My dad's answer to what came first, the chicken or the egg?
The one you ordered first.
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︎ Dec 15 2020
I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says βyou must be singleβ and I respond with βhow did you know?β
She responded, β because you are ugly!β
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Has anyone seen the new film about fried eggs?
Apparently it's been panned by critics.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What did the broke guy order at the strip clubβs βlegs βnβ eggsβ show?
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Whatβs the worst thing about being an egg?
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︎ Sep 03 2020
Whats the difference between you and eggs?
eggs get laid and you dont.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
what did the egg say as he was about to hatch?
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Why do the French never have two eggs for breakfast?
Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
βBack in the day...β my dad started to say. βYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...β he lamented...
βWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
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︎ Aug 11 2020
My kids said I need to stop with the egg jokes, because theyβre not funny.
Yolkβs on them, I crack myself up!
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︎ Sep 07 2020
What happened to the egg that kept going to the gym?
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︎ Oct 08 2020
"Egg-plant" shirt by me. Never got why the vegetable was called that until I found out that they used to be white and look like goose eggs back in the day
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︎ Jun 25 2020
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
You know how only the strongest sperm gets to fertilise the egg?
I guess you could call it survival of the fetus.
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Should I stock up on eggs before the next shut down?
I am having an eggs essential crisis.
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︎ Jul 21 2020
What did the egg say to the person
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Why did the chef serve eggs Benedict on a hubcap?
Because thereβs no plate like chrome for the hollandaise
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︎ Jul 09 2020
What did Kanye say to the egg?
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︎ Aug 11 2020
What did the man say to the sad German egg noodle?
You'll always be spaetzle to me!
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︎ Jul 22 2020
The platypus and echidna both lay eggs and produce milk
Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard
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︎ Aug 28 2020
How did the French come up with the word for egg?
Someone accidentally dropped one!
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Ever heard the joke of the egg that rolled down the cliff?
The ending just cracks me up!
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︎ Jul 31 2020
What did the heron say woefully whilst looking at her clutch of eggs?
Ack! I have so many egrets!
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︎ Aug 08 2020
My eggs went to the playground without my permission today.
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Why did the rooster stop laying eggs?
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︎ Jun 26 2020
A programmer gets sent to the store by his wife. His wife says, βGet a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.β
The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, βThey had eggs.β
edit: I know guys, I know, itβs supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me
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︎ Oct 30 2018
Why didn't the Egg go to the Comedy festival?
He heard that the comics had the crowds cracking up
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︎ May 23 2020
I ordered an egg dish at a restaurant. When I finished, I asked the waiter for another one and he said...
"No, sir, that's un oeuf."
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︎ Apr 26 2020
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It I'll be a minute before I get hard. I just got laid by a chick.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Do you know why the French eat just one egg for breakfast?
Because in France, one egg is Un ouef.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because for them, one egg is un oeuff
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Do you know why the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
Do you know what is the worst part about being an egg?
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︎ Feb 13 2020
What came first the chicken or the egg?
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︎ May 03 2020
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