What’s the saying for when your protein powder gets spilled on your legal documents which divide all of your property after death?

Where there’s a will, there’s a whey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadowlast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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have you heard about the new proposed school marking scheme where they divide the marks of a test out equally

They are calling it marks-ism

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supercombo369
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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My friend wanted me to go skinny dipping with her in the river the divides Paris. I told her to go without me..

She must be in-Seine!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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As we passed the "Continental Divide" sign on our trip last week.

It's all downhill from here, kids!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElkoSteve
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
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I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RLalaggin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Hate is the ultimate divider
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theEndWasShit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Instead of going to the beach, many mathematicians are dividing the opposite side of a right triangle over the adjacent side

They say it's a better way to get a tan.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyborgNumber42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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How was the Roman Empire divided?

With a pair of Caesars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexaholic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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How Moses divided the Red Sea:

Red Sea /2 = .5

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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In some religions, dividing the opposite side by the hypotenuse is a sin
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adam-P-D
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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The other day during dinner, my 9 year old son said, "did you know there are some numbers that can only be divided by themselves and 1? Like 43."

I responded, "that is a prime example."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plmrmusic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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The amount of cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrots divided by the volume of the Mayo.

That’s Cole’s Law.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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Once upon a time in numberland, the numbers 3 and 5 were jealous of the number 2.

2 was enjoying a special position in the sequence of numbers. It was the only even prime number. All the other even numbers existed only because 2 existed. Heck, even computers ran on base-2.

As a result, 2 looked down upon all the other numbers, but no one could do anything about it.

3 and 5 conspired against 2 and decided they needed to do something so that it lost its powers. They kidnapped 2, and through magic divided 2’s powers equally among themselves. 2 ceased to exist. 3 and 5 both increased by 1.

Looking at 2’s dead body, they said, β€œNow we are even.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Two British monks set up a small snack stand at the parish fair.

They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was

the chip monk!

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/franksymptoms
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Divided the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern today by its diameter.

Ended up with pumpkin pi.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewargingned
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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Why is the 38th parallel dividing the two Koreas a straight line?

Because the North has a supreme ruler.

Credit for original in a slightly different form: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/aime9b/comment/eep6eyr?st=JR8D1J43&sh=307602be

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclinginasia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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What order cannot be divided between the crew?

A Prime Directive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenofire
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
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I really want to buy one of those plastic dividers that the cashiers have.

But they keep putting it back when it comes to my turn to checkout.

This joke isn't mine but it's one that makes me smile every time I think about it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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Dogs talk to us all the time

You just have to know what questions they're answering, like, what’s a tree trunk covered in, what’s the french word for egg, how does sandpaper feel, what’s on the top of a house, what’s 1 divided by two

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πŸ‘€︎ u/euxneks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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It's fascinating how the bug churches divided many years ago and now...

...the bugs are all in sects.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMAToMisbehave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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Growing up, the only thing worse than playing sports and dividing up shirts and skins...

...was having to play sports and dividing up shorts and skins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fire_In_The_Skies
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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Sex is like math

You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pitchstrikes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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Variations on Cake by the Ocean

Having dessert in Professor Snape's class? That's
Cake by the potion

Having dessert while moisturizing your skin?
Cake by the lotion

Having dessert in limine?
Cake by the motion (mine)

Having dessert along with kinetic force?
Cake by the motion (my daughter)

Having dessert while dividing it?
Cake by the quotient

Having dessert while you blow things up?
Cake by the explosion

Having dessert while you come up with an idea?
Cake by the notion

Having dessert while watching chaos?
Cake by the commotion

Having dessert next to someone who is getting a new job? Hopefully it's
Cake by the promotion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dedtired
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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Watch out! r/puns is in danger

r/punpatrol

r/punKGB

r/Pun_Internal_Affairs

r/punspecialforces

These are the names of our oppressors! There may be more, but they are our greatest threat. They are currently amassing an army to try to end puns as we know it.

If we are to save this beautiful form of our language, than we must unite! We must not divide ourselves by titles, but unite ourselves as punners!

They plan on eradicating all puns by going to the source, the pun user. Are we to let ourselves be undermined by those who think they are better than us? Are we to let ourselves and all future generations be banned from puns? If you say no, then join in the revolt

##VIVA LA R/PUNS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyThunderStorm22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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What's the easiest way to make pumpkin pie?

Divide the circumference by its diameter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Me and my friend stole a huge prime number.

After returning home, I said to him, "How the hell do we divide it?"

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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Math

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by
its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi.

If a cylinder of mozzarella has a radius of z and a height of a what is it volume?

pi z z a

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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Age is but a number...

Today’s my 43rd birthday and I’m sitting st breakfast with my 8 year old. She is learning her multiplication tables and the concept of division.

Me: What numbers divide evenly into 43? Her: I’m not sure? Me: Can 43 be divided by 2?...Is it even? Her: No. Me: Correct! Since 43 is odd, we can say with confidence that it can’t be divided evenly by any even number! Can 43 be divided by 10?...Does it end in 0? Her: No. Me: Well, did you know that 43 can only be evenly divided by 1 and itself. This makes it a prime number. I guess being 43 means that I’m in my prime!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kredmon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Did you know?????

Did you know that if you take the circumference of a pumpkin and divide it by the diameter of the pumpkin you end up with pumpkin β€œpi”? Lololololololololol!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WildWhisky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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I was trying to analyze why I’m still single.

So I divided the data according to the ex-axis and the why-axis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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My wife asked how I felt about split pea soup

I said I was a little divided on the subject

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OperatorMaA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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They said it’s a bring-your-own-alcohol party

But when the guests arrived the hosts took the alcohol and divided it among all the guests.

β€œWhat type of party is this!?” exclaimed a guest.

One of the hosts smiled and replied, β€œA communist party.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/halagabir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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I spoke to a German about walls

Apparently his country was divided on the subject.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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What's the best strategy to do a group project on fractions?

Divide the work amongst everyone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TryingToCareLess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
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Lots of discussion regarding energy. But I have to ask, does energy even matter?

Yes energy matters, but only if you you divide it by the speed of light squared.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uptwolait
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
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I got my physics class a while back.

We divided into groups and the lab was to use the measured volume and diameter of various spheres to find our own approximation of pi. So we had to use marbles and some ball bearings. We get to our station to start measuring when a girl in my group says:

Her:"Hey, where'd the blue marble go?"

Me: "I don't know. It'll be fine though, so don't... lose your marbles"

Her:nearly slaps me

I said it a few times that class, and when some other group dropped a marble down the drain I said it loud enough to get a groan from the whole class.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fortisrufus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
🚨︎ report
It's electric!

My husband has a bad back and ended up in the ER today from the pain. I came to get him and was wheeling him down the hallway when I stepped on a metal floor divider. I got a nasty static shock on my foot and hand pushing the wheelchair from completing the circuit.

My husband says "oh! I didn't know you were that in to music"

Me: ".......?"

Him: "You're such a great conductor!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashleyrah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Ο€

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theprofoundnoun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0ng078
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Ο€

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bmathis21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minuteofdeer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuzzySparrow
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I really want to buy one of those grocery dividers, but the lady at the checkout keeps putting it back
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alex_0607
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I really want to buy one of those grocery dividers, but the lady at the checkout keeps putting it back
πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rowdywomen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I really want to buy one of those grocery dividers, but the lady at the checkout keeps putting them back
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rowdywomen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Halloween Math

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by it's diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyHusbandisFBI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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