The Dick Clark Show Puns

That includes whoever is on it...

Edit: Fuck it. Make fun of any and all NYE shows!

Did anyone else just see Colon on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve show?! The host asked him about fantasy suites and if he was going to lose his virginity and he said “the fantasy suite is for whatever happens in the moment, but I stayed true to who I was throughout” 🤔 lmao

Everyone is ranting and raving about Mariah Carey coming back to perform despite what happened last year but no one bats an eye when Jenny McCarthy is announced as one of the cohost with Ryan Seacrest. Mind you that this is the same woman that went on national television and said that vaccines give children autism and claimed that she cured her son's (who's probably high functioning) disability by switching him to a gluten free diet. My brother who I love dearly is moderately autistic, but unfortunately he will not be able to live independently. I don't understand how this woman gets any work despite her anti vax/ pseudoscience history and her support of Andrew Wakefield. I am not watching the New Year's Eve show again and I suggest not giving this woman views. I don't know what organizer thought it was a great idea to have Jenny "Anti Vax" McCarthy as a co-host, because it's a shitty one.

it's Ryan's Secrets

I don't know if I'm the first one to posit this but if I am, hear me out:

1. they're named the Clarks as in Superman's first name: Clark (duh).

2. the father's name is Jonathan as in Pa Kent's first name: Jonathan Kent

3. they own a farm with a very large land and on that land there so happens to be a cabin where the owners live.

4. they're given a child that is not their own and is not of human origin.

4a) the child is a clone of their parents. This is similar to how to Kryptonian children are born through cloning as opposed to pregnancy. Famously, the only exception to this rule is Superman himself as Jor-El and Lara Lor-Van had him biologically, which was a Kryptonian social taboo.

5. The segment ends with a rocket originating from an alien civilization falling from the sky onto their land.

It's just science, people!

But they always drop the ball.

I was thinking of when I first started watching Dick Clark on New Year's Eve and it was in 1989 going to 1990. I remember it a little differently after watching it on the YouTubes. I remembered that Kirk Cameron hosted but forgot Lori Laughlin also hosted. I thought sure they said we'll see you in 10 years for the start of the next decade but apparently that didn't happen. I held that grudge when they werent on in 1999 for no reason hahaha. But my goodness it was so organic in 1989-90. Musical acts were Dion, Stephanie Mills and The Temptations. Damn haha. And they were in the pre-recorded Hollywood portions. No one performed in Times Square. Just a bunch of wild people behind blue police barricades. Graffiti on the posts. Gritty New York back then. Big Camel ad on one of the buildings. 300,000 estimated in the crowd. Well I was hooked and that's my New Year's routine ever since. I wanted to be like those cool people dancing in Hollywood more than being in Times Square. Though later on being in Times Square looked more appealing.

Going into 2000 was my favorite even though the coverage was much different since it was rolled into the ABC2000 24 hour event. The ball was grander. 2 million people. It was just amazing it seemed like the cheering and confetti went on forever. Definetly was my fave experiencing it.

Then in the 2000s with more acts and extended time into prime time it changed. Dick Clark got older and his stroke really took a toll but I still watched for him and hung on his words. Ryan Seacrest came along and initially was bleh but he does a really good job with it. It's different though. It's not just on at 11:35-1:05 anymore it's an all evening all night extravaganza. And that's fine. I do miss Dick Clark talking about all that happened in the year that was ending and what was to come in the next year as the countdown was on. I hate that there is not that kind of perspective now. It's just let's count it down everyone. Anyway its cool stuff and im lame so that's my New Year's routine haha.

WTF IS GOING ON. TRAGIC

This sub has been so supportive surrounding my performance last year, so I wanted to share the news with y'all. A couple of years ago, I went on tour with Gary Clark Jr as support in a bunch of different cities, but I've never shared a stage with him in Austin, our hometown. As you can imagine, I'm beyond stoked about this opportunity. So, if you're heading to the show, come say hi! More than likely I'll be hanging at the merch table after my set. The dates are October 3rd and 4th.

Roughly 1.5 million people in Times Square right now! happy New Years!