The Coroner Puns

It’s a pretty big undertaking

"in vivo lost vagus"

. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,

“Nobody puts baby in a coroner”

and the company refused to refund my purchase because it had already been de-livered.

So he cadaver all to himself.

It's because of all of the coroners.

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.

Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.

The Coroner Store

They give you the coroner office.

That's me and the coroner.

Yeah, it's over there - in the coroner

Detective: Are you positive?

Coroner: It’s difficult with all the dead bodies around, but I’m hanging in there.

There was this guy with no arms who lived in the bell tower of some church in Europe. Since he had no arms, he rang the bells by slamming his head against them.

One day, he fell out of the tower and died. The police wanted to notify the next of kin. The coroner looked at the man and said "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."

A few weeks later, the man's twin brother came to take over the bellman job. On his first day, he too fell from the tower and died.

Again, the police wanted to notify the next of kin. The coroner looked at the man and said "I don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

Apparently a Dodge Caravan lost it's radio antenna on the highway and it killed a motorcycle rider.

The police coroner called it "Van Aerial disease"

Edit: I know I butchered the joke. Some 75 year old guy told it to me yesterday, but I forgot to write it down how he said it.

B♭ was found dead after the C Major party. The massive amount of drugs in its system led the coroner to list it as an accidental overdose.

I went out to eat with a friend and his family

Friend's mom: "That guy over there is the local coroner. I sometimes have conversations with him."

Me: "What's it like to talk to a coroner? I can image the conversations to be rather dead."

🎶 That's me and the coroner 🎶