The Coma Puns

So, I have to go to all the charity shops and get her clothes back.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you. Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.

The length of the pause.

Uncle: Hey K, did you know I once petitioned to change the name of Uranus?

K (the girlfriend): Oh really, what were you trying to change it to?

Uncle: Urrectum

She gave birth to a boy and a girl but the delivery was very intense and she went into coma for a few days. When she woke up the doctor told her about the twins and that as she was in coma for long, her brother named the kids. She said,"Oh God! Not my brother, he is a stupid idiot."

The doctor told her that he named the girl Denise and her mother said,"well that's not too bad, what about my son?"

The doctor replied the boy is named DeNephew.

In the version they're doing, the bass section plays a bit at the start, then just sits there til the final part of the last movement. So, they decide to leave the concert and go out for drinks.

While at the bar down the street, they meet a European nobleman, and they become good friends. Unfortunately, the guy had been gorging himself on crappy bar food, and he quickly falls into a food coma.

One of the basses drunkenly checks his watch and says, "crap! We're not going to get back on stage in time!" As they're sprinting back, one of them says, "actually, I thought this would happen, so I tied some of the pages of the conductor's score together - that way, he'll have to slow the tempo way down with his right hand while undoes the knots with his left!"

And so they get back just in time to finish the Symphony, and the audience is none the wiser. The conductor, however, was furious.

After all, they'd left him at the bottom of the 9th, with the score tied, while the basses were loaded, and the Count was full.

hope u enjoy

ps i know i am missing a coma.

i can not change the title.

I was at the grocery store with my teenage brother and when we went through the produce aisle he turned to me and said " Something about this aisle makes me feel like a guy who's been in a coma for the last 20 years trying to figure out the slang he missed" " What?" You know, because that's some rad ish" I've never been prouder.

Doctor: "You had twins! A boy and a girl and they are both fine. We let the brother name them both for you"

Mother: "Oh shit, he's an idiot! What did he name my baby girl?"

Doctor: "Denise."

Mother: "Oh.. That's not too bad. What is my sons name?"

Doctor: "Denephew"

A woman who is three months pregnant falls into a deep coma.Six months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.

Mother: Oh no, not my brother! he's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Mother: Oh, thats not so bad, what did he call the boy?

Doctor: Denephew.

The woman wakes up from her coma and the nurse explains that she has been in a coma after she gave birth to twins, one boy and one girl. The nurse says that because the woman was not able to name her children, her brother named them for her.

Woman: Oh great, what did my brother name the girl?

Nurse: He named her Denise.

Woman: That's not so bad, what about my son?

Nurse: Denephew.

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later she wakes up and asks about her baby. The doctor informs her that they were born healthy, twins, a boy and a girl. He informs her that the uncle of the children named them, and the mother is distraught. Knowing what an idiot he is, she asks what he named the daughter. The doctor said Denise. She thinks "Well, not so bad," and asks what he named the son... the doctor replies denephew.