The Captive Puns

When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather

"vee haf vays of making you tock!"

is that a win Nguyen scenario?

What happened? Seems you had a lousy night ...

The zoo told me it was bread in captivity.

The man says to a zookeeper "Why's that in there?" and the zookeeper says "What do you mean? It's bread in captivity. "

My friend: so it’s bread in captivity?

Me: crying no it landed on the sidewalk.

I asked the keeper, “How did that toast get into the cage?”

She replied, “It was bread in captivity."

So I’ve been writing a paper about how Seaworld should not be keeping their orcas in captivity. Should the title be:

“Seaworld’s Porpoise; Where Happiness Tanks” or “Thanks, but No Tanks”

Feel free to help me come up with some variation if you don’t like either. (:

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.

One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for another few minutes, but it got cold and I was chilled and soaked to the bone, so I decided to try to head back to camp.

Lightning was starting to crackle above me, so I thought I should try to take a shortcut to make my hike back quicker. I pulled out my compass and found my direction, but the rain made it impossible to see more than five feet in front of me.

I was looking down at my compass, not paying any attention to where I was going, and suddenly felt weightless. The feeling didn't last long as I thumped down on slippery earth a second later.

I had fallen onto a ledge on the side of a rather steep cliff, the bottom of which was at least fifty feet down.

I sat there, contemplating on how to get back up this cliff as water rolled over the edge ten feet above me. There was nothing to grab onto to pull myself up. I was stuck there.

After a few minutes, I noticed the little ledge I was standing on was slowly getting smaller. The water was coming down so hard it was eroding the tiny bit of safety I had.

I dug through my pockets, thinking maybe I had something, anything, to help me out of my precarious situation. All I had was my compass, a cough drop, and a match. I was screwed.

So, I sat there, watching the edge of the ledge I was on get closer and closer to my feet, when suddenly I felt something pushing on my back.

I turned slightly and saw a wooden box sticking out of the cliff behind me. It was working its way out of the side, the rain surely helping it along. I tried to move away from it, but the ledge wasn't very wide and the box kept coming out, pushing me farther to the weak and failing edge.

As more of the box came out, to my horror, I realized it was a coffin! I had no idea how old it was, but it looked rather rotten. All I could think of was being pushed off this ledge, and the rotten coffin breaking and dropping a skeleton onto my broken and battered body at the bottom.

The coffin crept closer, my foot began to slip. I grabbed onto a root that was sticking out of the cliffside and dug in my pocket once more.

I hurriedly tore the wrapper off the cough drop and stuck it in my mouth. It stopped the coffin.

This joke has been told to me

The keeper said it was bread in captivity

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

When I asked the keeper why, he said, "It was bread in captivity!"

The sign said bread in captivity

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

The zoo keeper said it was bread in captivity.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

The Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

The sign underneath it said bread in captivity.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

I asked the zoo keeper why there was a baguette in a cage and he said it was bread in captivity!

when I asked the keeper about it, he said it was bread in captivity

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!

The Zookeeper said he was bread in captivity.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity