Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor biopsied?

It was B-9.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I got a callback about being in a head banging music video. The caller said

Would pecker be available?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Phone rings.......Dad: What does the Caller ID say?......Son: It says Private Caller......

Dad: Don't answer it. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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What did the Martian paramedic say when the caller answered the door?

"Take me to your bleeder."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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My voicemail prompts the caller to leave his or her name and number. My dad’s response on his most recent message:

My name is, Dad and my number is one. Always number one!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Him
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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The Caller Id on the Speakerphone announced who was calling . . .

Phone: "Call from ... Jorge S ... Jorge S ..."

Me: "?Jorge es que?"

Family: (groans)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2016
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"What's the caller ID say?"

"Epilepsy foundation."

"You need to seize that call!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stophauntingme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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Texas Lady

Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

""Listen Dude," drawled the lil' Texas lady, "If y'all can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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Help me come up with a pun for work!!!

So I’m going to be in charge of a team for work and I need a punny team name involving one of the following words/phrases.

I want my team to be dinosaur/Jurassic Park themed and my company is called Caption Call.

I need to use something from the following list:

Caption Captioner Callers CA CAs Dictate

For example there’s another team called β€œCaption America”

The best I’ve come up with is β€œveloci-captioners” but it’s a reach...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DudleyTheDino
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Just heard this dad call the local radio station...

This morning, a local radio station had trivia going on, in which the first correct caller would win a free dozen donuts at a local store.

Radio DJ: 20% of Americans have one of these in their home, and despite not working, have no plans of fixing them. First caller, you're up!

Dad: (without hesitation) Hello, I have the answer, I'm ready for the donuts!

Radio DJ: (laughs) What is the answer?

Dad: Teenagers!

Radio DJ: Next caller, you're up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Margerita94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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Caller ID

::phone starts ringing::

::Dad goes to look at the caller ID and turns away, deciding not to answer it::

Me: who is it?

Dad: Unavailable. Beats me why they'd even be calling us if they're unavailable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stophauntingme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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Air-Headed!

Scene: A radio newsroom.

Caller: I just wanted to let you know you’re off the air.

Host: Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it.

Caller: It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxinGonzales
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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"I Just started my PhD"

Background:

My dad recently retired and has since gotten a new favorite joke that he tells everyone who calls to congratulate him with his retirement.

The pun doesn't really work in english(I'm danish), but I thought I would share it anyway. This is how it usually goes:

Caller: How are you holding up? are you enjoying your spare time?

Dad: I actually just started my pHD

Caller: What? Wow

Dad: Pensioner every day

(In danish It would be: Pentionist hver dag, hence the PhD)

It's not funny at all, but he loves it and tells it to everyone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waFFLEz_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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Two cellphones walk into a bar....

the bar tender asks for their IDs. One tries calling the other but gets no singal, the bartender asks what they are trying to do. they say they have caller IDs The bartender then laughs and say that that wont work in his bar since its a one Bar town.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orthanx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
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A caller gets through to a radio station contest

Radio Jockey Randy : Okay caller, here is the final question for $5,000 cash.

Contestant : I’m ready, Randy!

Radio Jockey Randy : Name three automobiles that start with β€˜P’.

Contestant : Uh ... Porsche, Pontiac and Plymouth!

Radio Jockey Randy : Oh, I’m sorry contestant, those all start with GAS!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetavator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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Called my dad from different phone today ...

When he picked up he told me that "it showed up as 'private caller' when you called. I told your mother that we should reject the call because I only accept lieutenant caller and higher."

Credit to my friend's dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xThoth19x
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
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Grave humour

Why couldn't the skeleton call the police? . Because he was missing his caller-bones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meuphoria
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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This happened at work today.

I work in the IT department of our university.
the phone started ringing and the caller was "Elsy". When i picked up, it was another person who is trying to reach the manager. The guys at the office asked me "Who is it?" i answered without even thinking "I don't know, but it is definitely someone Elsy"
I am at home now and i can still hear them groaning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeusy_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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My wife is changing her phone number

My wife and I changed cell carriers, so we have new temporary numbers but when the caller ID comes up, both numbers my name because I set up the account. She called me today...

> Me: Oh my name comes up when you call on the caller id > > Her: You'll have to change that > > Me: Yeah I'll have to fix your faux number

(blank stare)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyran20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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The running jokes..

For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.

(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."

It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.

Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends.."

The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."

There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rentz3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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A deaf person called me at work today

I got a call at work today.

Caller: Hello, this is Bob and I'm calling on behalf of Jim who works for (some company). He is deaf so I'll be talking on the phone and translating for him.

Me: Oh, we won't need you then. My wife knows sign language, let me go get her.

I hand her the phone and leave so I can imagine their conversation being about how funny I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/my_name_is_Camp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2014
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I still haven't gotten a response

Pic will be found in the comments below

Last night, as I was getting ready to cook dinner, I received a mysterious phone call from a number I didn't recognize and I naturally let it go to voicemail. Surprisingly the mystery caller did leave a voice message and several minutes later I got this text. To eliminate all possibilities I proceeded to listen to the voicemail and ensure it was indeed someone important to me. It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device.

Now, as far as i can tell, my Dad has never sent a text msg in his life. He's been retired for 10+ years and he loves to talk on the phone to friends and loved ones for hours. He has no reason to text. I also wouldn't put him into a general category when it comes to dad jokes. Meaning he might not have enjoyed this as much as I. So, after much deliberation I decided to welcome my Dad to the world of SMS the only way I felt was appropriate to the relationship we share.

Also, one of my favorite of his sayings is referring to my best friend as suave(Ss-wave) and debonair (De-boner.)

Oh and don't let your meatloaf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefripps
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor?

Luckily, the tumor was B-9.

πŸ‘︎ 985
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonicRainboom13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2015
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