The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank"
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
He had to work from home.
He said, “Like everyone else, I’m working from home.”
The cops have nothing to go on.
To prove that he was framed!
Upon being caught, he returned all of the items except for the mixing tool. When the police asked him to return it he said, "sorry, this is a whisk I must take".
I hear they threw the book at him.
He wanted a clean getaway
They wanted a clean getaway.
Me neither, he snuck very quietly
It was a breakthrough for them.
He takes things personally.
After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,
"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."
Q: Why did the burglar take a bath?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway
Boom Boom
The burglars said they chose it because the shop was rolling in the dough
5 armed burglars broke into my house and I was in the gym training.
As I am blowdrying my hair my boyfriend surprises me by jumping around the doorway to my bathroom holding up the cat:
Him: Gaaaargh! Grrrrr! Me: scream of surprise as I patter my feet Him: I'm a cat burglar! Get it?
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Puns for Kids
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit ➡Last night, my girlfriend's grandma was admitted to a nearby hospital for a heart rhythm abnormality. The admitting physician was a great guy, and concluded his admission assessment with a spontaneous, and entirely unrelated, dad joke.
"Did you hear about the two burglars who stole a calendar? They each got six months."
He promptly dropped his stethoscope and left. Boom.
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ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds
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AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do
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BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
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BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
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CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
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COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
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ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
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EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
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HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
-
LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
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MISTY: How golfers create divots
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PARADOX: Two physicians
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PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
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PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
-
POLARIZE: What penguins see with
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PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
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RELIEF: What trees do in the spring
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RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife
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SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
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SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official
Our intern was telling a story about how her roommate came home drunk from a party with a random cat. She found out the next day her roommate had stolen it from their neighbor.
My response- "So one might call her a cat burglar?"
Everyone walked away...
So my family and I moved and we are trying to get our cats situated at the new house and my dad and I were looking for one of my cats. while we pull up the drive way he turns to me and says "you know, he could've been stolen... by cat burglars." We had a giggle.
Mom: where's the remote? Me: I don't know maybe the cat took it. ..... Me: I guess you can say we have a cat burglar. Mom: (sighs) damn it Dainelle.
- sitting round at dinner table, talking about our bathroom which we are having redone*
- Dad: I've got a good joke about bathroom fittings
- Me: sigh okay then...
- Dad: Did you hear about that mansion that was robbed last week? The burglars took all the jewlery, all the valuables.......and they also took all the bathroom fittings, so the police had nothing to go on!
- Sister: Really? sigh
- Dad: *bursts out laughing for a good 20 seconds
I was reading the news and saw a piece about a cartoonist who was fearing for his life after he dared to draw Muhammed in a comic. He had to go into hiding after his house was burglarized.
ME: Hey, did you hear about the cartoonist who's house was broken into?
My wife: No, what happened?
ME: Oh, he drew this cartoon about Muhammed and apparently that's very offensive in some cultures and so some extremists were...
My wife: disappointed Oh...I thought it was going to be a joke...
ME: Alright...hey, did you hear about the cartoonist who's house was broken into? He had to DRAW his GUN!
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!
To prove that he was framed!
To prove that he was framed!
To prove that he was framed!
- ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
- BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage.
- BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through
- AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do
- EYEDROPPER Clumsy ophthalmologist
- CONTROL A short, ugly inmate.
- COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
- ECLIPSE What an English barber does for a living.
- LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
- HEROES What a man in a boat does
- PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower
- PARADOX Two physicians
- PHARMACIST A helper on a farm
- POLARIZE What penguins see through
- PRIMATE Remove your spouse from in front of TV
- RELIEF What trees do in the spring
- RUBERNECK What you do to relax your wife
- SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does
- SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official
- PARADIGMS 20 cents
