In the beginning the god of diabetes said...

Let there be cake!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pharmerino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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In the beginning , alphabet had only 25 letters .

Nobody knew why .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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To make extra money, my professor forces all the students to buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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I used to hate the lockdown in the beginning, but now that I have a full fridge, I am ok with it.

Scientists are calling it the Stock Home syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I was reading a history book, and apparently in the middle east there were hundreds of years where nocturnal predator birds used to fly around and ejaculate all over the place. The Arabic people would keep each other up to date on the latest attacks; and so marked the beginning of...

The Owl Jizz Era News.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nutsacktetherball
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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The beginning of the book is so sad that I've just been able to cry for years...

But I think it's time to turn the page.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning?

All the red flags.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frankfurt995
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I suspected my girlfriend was a ghost right from the beginning

Starting with the moment she walked through those doors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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All the beginning of a decade/end of a decade memes are getting old.

I mean, they are so last year.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeoshua82
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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In the beginning, God created time...

He created it 1 hour at a time. But after he had created 24, he called it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwrk92
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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What is often at the beginning of a question
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dufffer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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At the slaughterhouse, the cows were beginning to form bonds with me before I led them to be murdered...

I guess Stockyard Syndrome is real!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Why are most kids born in the beginning of September?

It's right after Labour Day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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One time I sung the beginning of the β€œFriends” theme song in the middle of class,

Then everybody clapped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Splooden
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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A friend once fed me donkey meat without telling me. I should have known from the beginning, though; it tasted like ass.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Denovation
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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TIL: At the beginning of his career, Kevin Spacey only played two dimensional characters.

He was then known as Kevin Planey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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My daughter walk in, in the middle of a story and says "start from the beginning"

Me: starts making baby noises. Her: what's that all about dad? Me: I think that's how I began Her: Big eyeroll while attempting to suppress giggles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kakamoraa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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I'm beginning to think most of the jokes here come from Laffy Taffy wrappers.

Chew on that!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eliza_Swain
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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Let me start at the beginning

BANG!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bo-zo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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The beginning of my next school project
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLevelGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
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Springtime is almost here, the flowers are beginning to bloom and my alergies are going crazy....

That's snot good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oddiseeus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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A man in the street started throwing words beginning with 'th' at me.

I managed to dodge this, there and then but I didn't see that coming!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2017
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I didn't complete the Scadanavian languages course; I did well enough at the beginning in Danish, Swedish, and Norweigian...

...but I just couldn't Finnish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmcduff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
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I bought a dictionary from the library and realized someone had ripped out pages from the beginning.

They also ripped out pages from the the end. It just went from β€œbad” to β€œworse”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsThisNameValid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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The dad in me is beginning to show up

I asked my friend how exactly I might be related to one of my cousins...

Me: "So if my grandmother has a sister who happens to have a granddaughter, is she my second cousin?"

Friend: "Yeah.. I believe she is your second cousin"

Me: "So that means my children and her children are going to be minute cousins?"

Friend: "..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldenbat23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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my dad's joke since the beginning of time

context: there is a disagreement or argument of some kind.

dad:"I'll tell you what" me:"what?" dad:"what" and he walks away smirking like he won.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwilltestthisout
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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They said the quality of my puns was beginning to plateau. I'm really proud though...

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanuuu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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My dad would always say this at the beginning of a family meeting

"alright, let's get this meeting over with so we can get back to our families". Then again that was only when the family meeting was about something trivial. He didn't say that when my brother and I really fucked up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JalarianDeAndre
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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My professor makes all the students buy his book at the beginning of the term to make some profit.

It’s textbook Economics.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
To make extra money, my university professor makes all his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My university professor forces the students to buy his book at the beginning of the semester.

It’s textbook economics.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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