That's My Name Puns

"But what do you think we should call the baby?"

Well damn.

They're watch dogs

My parents In Wisconsin are Nana and Papa, named by older cousins, but my kids are the oldest on my wife’s side, so now all 13 of their grandkids call her parents Mimi and Lefty. Mimi isn’t a joke name, but I do like that it’s close to the name of where they live,Miami. When Lefty asked “why Lefty?”, I told him because Papa in Wisconsin is North Pa, that means being all the way at the tip of Florida makes him South Pa.

Today he ran over 5 miles

Tee ach ayyy tee!

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

But he never finished anything.

It means something is wrong with my brian

I think it's absurd.

My daughter Chewbacca not so much

Everyone: “Hi Koo!”

My cousin (MtF) has just come out to the family- she told some of us "younger" ones but she was afraid especially of what her dad's reaction would be. He's a man of few words and was never outgoing or very affectionate to his kids, his side of the family is pretty conservative as well. A very as-seen-on-TV-in-the-90s dad with a handlebar moustache and multiple different-but-same polo t-shirts. Her mum passed a few years ago and they are even more distant than ever. It was finally the big day and she told him in front of a couple of us. The silence seemed to stretch on into the infinite. After some time, he got up, and without even a slight change in expression he said- "so I guess you can't see me now".

...

More silence

...

"Because I'm a transparent geddit?" With the most gigantic smile I've EVER seen him crack.

It's been 5 days and he's been cracking the same joke on every opportunity he can, ever since.

Edit- I forgot my favorite part- he asked her if she would like to add her mum's name in her new one because he missed saying it. I BAWLED my eyes out.

Edit2: obligatory I can't believe how much this blew up! We met at a family gathering yesterday and he was still chuckling so i decided to post this. I sent my cousin this post and she says he's very proud of himself. Thanks for all the awards! This is crazy!

I see that there was some confusion about the moustache description - we're a first generation Indian - Hindu family, and it's traditional especially for the older generation I think.

It's a cute moment, but not everyone is as positive. Some neighbors, people at school, a teacher or so (it's just a phase! you'll ruin your life!), and she's been handling calls all day from AH family members who only call for gossip.

... But if they hold something fancy there like graduation or a play, it should then be referred to by its more formal name "Gyames".

He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.

I was like, “Well, damn.”

I told her it doesn't matter, hon

"Where exactly?" she asked.

I said, "Probably at the tattoo shop down the road."

Her first name is Eileen.

Though, personally I think it'll be a bit odd if we're both called Steve.

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

He said "Hey Dad, that one over there isn't a star. It's actually Venus

Me "Where's Uranus?"

Him, "It isn't visible yet"

Dr alzheimer

I suggested Jerky.

It's too weak.

…Frank!"

Her: “Who’s Becky Stan? 🤨

... Ohhh 😖”

The teller say “hi my name is Patty Whack. How can I help you”. The frog asks for a loan. The teller asks, “do you have any collateral?”
The frog answer “all I have is this” and hands the teller a small elephant glass figurine. The Teller rolls her eyes and calls for the manager. The manager comes over and asks what’s going on. The teller tells him that the frog is looking for a loan and all he has to offer is this little elephant. The manager replies, “It’s a niknak, Mrs. Patty Whack give the frog a loan.”

I just bought a new car and a need help coming up with a punny name for it. My Honda Civic Hatchback was the "Hatchback of Notre Dame", to give you an idea of what I'm looking for. But I'm stumped when it comes to a similar kind of name for my red Mustang Mach-E. The best I got is "To Kill a Mach-E Bird", but that's hardly a name.

Because he Missed-A-T.

I am writing a diploma thesis about the use of puns in advertising slogans. For this purpose I need to find 150 of them. So far I've been able to find around 80, but the more I have, the harder it is for me to find more, as my sources are going dry.

That's why I'm asking you for help! Can you give me any punny ad slogans you know of, or any punny company name?

Thanks in advance!

My Little Sister: No! What happened?!

Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.

My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES

Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.

My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?

Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)

I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN

Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?

Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!

My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!

Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.

My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.

Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.

My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.

• I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.

• I really love my family. Lol

"But what do you think we should call the baby?"

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

Our daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

I said, "Well, dam..."

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I said, “Huron.”

"Don't worry, Honey, he's just another Fred of mine."

I told him it should be {Sons Name} / Mommy. Since he came from her. Then I said he could reduce that fraction further since he came from his mommy, that fraction would equal....

One Whole

I go by Sir Loin

My daughter Chewbacca not so much

Last name Tiller.

So I decided to call her Bluff.