A list of puns related to "That's All, Brother"
Approximate Lee
It was just ice
His name is Post Mabail.
“SIX Pence? Nun the richer.”
They had prepared quite the spread with steak, corn, salad, and everyone had their own favorite side. The father had prepared his own signature spice blend and was encouraging everyone to try it. The son tried a little bit on his mac and cheese. Unfortunately he began coughing as it was too spicy, but was able to rinse it down with a bit of water and was fine.
The daughter didn't believe it could be as spicy as her brother claimed, so she put some of the spice blend on her mashed potatoes. She took a big bite and after a bit her face turned red and she began coughing and spluttering and went and got herself a glass of milk in order to help with the spiciness.
The mother laughed, knowing that the blend was spicy, but decided to try some anyway on her fries. She was conservative with her application, and could handle her spice better than her children so she thought she would be fine. And, if it weren't for a small bit of fry trying to go down the wrong pipe, causing her to cough, splutter and wheeze, she would have made it out unscathed.
Finally the father, after having witnessed that none of his family were able to master his own homemade spice blend, added it to every bit of his meal. The steak, the corn, his green beans and even his salad. He the requested some of each of the others' sides, and added the spices to some mac and cheese, mashed potatoes and fries as well. Then, to show he was not joking around, he added some hot sauce to top it all off. He began happily chowing down on every bit of it, completely unconcerned with the level of spice. He did not turn red, he did not cough, he did not splutter, he did not wheeze.
However, in his gusto to complete the meal, he was eating faster than he normal would and a half-chewed piece of steak unfortunately made it down the wrong pipe. His eyes went wide. Still, he did not cough, he did not splutter, he did not wheeze. But, he did begin to turn red. And then, he began to turn blue. Seeing that her husband was choking, the mother got up from the table and started trying to give the heimlich to the father. It didn't seem to be working until suddenly -- p-tooo, out came the piece of steak. Then the father coughed, spluttered and wheezed.
As he tried to regain his breath, his family heard that he was trying to say something between coughing fits. A 'thank you' to his wife, most likely. Or perhaps he was trying to say he should have slowed down and not eaten so fast to show them up. When he finally got
... keep reading on reddit ➡Dad: “That’s because I’m smart!”
Me: “Oh yeah? Spell it.”
Dad: “S. M. A. R. T”
Me: “I’m so disappointed in you, how am I even your son?”
Dad: “When your older brother turned six, we had a party for all of his friends. Everyone had such a great time, and at the end of the night, your mother was smiling. She looked at me and said, ‘Let’s have another one’”
My brother was talking about he has a headache. My mom, a diabetic, thought maybe he needed food. I, an overheated person, thought he needed water. Then he said he's gonna take some Tylenol. Then he said that just talking about it was making it go away. Then my mom said "Maybe it was all in your head."
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they got together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from my Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I grabbed my holy water bottle, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb! The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, '"WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle holy water! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to the bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down the hill until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!"
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in bed in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
The friar puts a sign outside that said ‘bell ringer wanted, tryouts Saturday morning’
Saturday morning rolls around, and there were three people lined up out front of the church waiting to try to ring the bell. A tall, muscular man, a skinnier, frail man, and an average sized man.
The friar took them all up one at a time and handed them the hammer to hit the church bells with.
The muscular man grabbed the hammer in one hand, slammed it into the bell, and nearly shattered both with the force behind the swing. The friar said that they’ll have to keep looking.
The frail man could barley pick up the hammer. He swung it pitifully, and managed to ting the bell. The friar just shook his head and chuckled, thanking the man for coming.
The average sized man refused the hammer. Before the friar could question it, the man reared his head back and slammed it into the bell, producing a ring of such pure tone and quality it brought a tear to the friar’s eye. While he was wiping the tear from his face, the man, stumbling from the impact of skull to bell, accidentally tripped and fell off the bell tower to his death.
Well, the townsfolk had heard the beautiful bell, and a small crowd had gathered beneath the bell tower around the man’s body.
Collectively, they said “Who is he Friar? What happened?”
The friar shook his head sadly and said
“I don’t know, but his face rings a bell”
BUT IT ISN’T OVER CAUSE THEY STILL NEED A BELL RINGEE ROUND TWO KIDDOS HERE WE GO!!
So the next morning, when the friar opened the doors in the morning, a man approached him and said “Friar, you don’t know me, but the man who died yesterday was my brother. I’d be honored if you’d let me ring the bell today in his honor.”
The friar nodded and let the new man up the bell tower, handing him the hammer.
With a nightly swing, the man slammed the bell, producing again a high quality ringing tone. Unfortunately, he slipped while off balance and fell off the bell tower too and died.
Again, people were gathered around and they all asked as one “Who is he, Friar, what happened?”
The friar looked at them all in turn and said “I don’t know, but he’s a dead ringer for his brother”
In our family group chat, my SIL informed us all that my brother tore a tendon while helping his son do a backflip on the trampoline.
My response-
“[Brother], you’re flipping amazing. I’m sure you’ll bounce back. Good job tendon to [son].”
Is it wrong to feel this good about a dad joke?
Some of these are border-line uncle jokes. I'm also an uncle. I keep all these jokes in my dadabase. Aka Google notes.
Some of these I got off of podcasts, the dad joke API, some from movies, but most are from this sub. Let me know if you want a source for a joke or if one of them was yours I'll give credit.
It's ok to be Frank with people. Or josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.
What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck
If the USA is so great then why did they make USB?
Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa. Which is strange.
You think he'd be from mad-at-gas-car
How did Jesus keep his abs? Crossfit
What does a Jewish cowboy celebrate Yee-Hanukka
What did the stamp say to the letter Stick with me and you'll go places
I gave my wife a glue stick instead of lipstick She's still not talking to me
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
What word starts with E and ends with E, but only has one letter in it. Envelope ✉
Why do people on Athens hate getting up early Because dawn is tough on Grease
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain A purramid
Why do fish like salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze
If april showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring? PILGRIMS
Why do cemeteries have fences Because people are dying to get in
Did you know Bruce Lee had a Faster older brother? Sudden lee
Did you know he also had a Vegan brother? Broco lee
Pig black belt in karate Pork chop
How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in 3 cups of coffee If you have 20 sugar cubes? You have to use all the cubes.
You put 1 in the first cup, one in the second cup, and 18 in the last cup. Because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put on a cup of coffee.
I was going to tell your a joke about Yoga But it's Not working out
What do you do if your wife starts smoking Use some lubricant
did you hear about the woman with 12 breasts? Sounds weird, dozen tit?
What did baby corn say to momma corn ( I got a boy scout selling popcorn to eyeroll me on this one) Where's popcorn
What type of pasta do they serve at a haunted house? Fettuccine Afradio
What do you call a werewolf streamer? Liken subscribe
Why don't Elton John songs have a copyright? You can tell everybody this is your song.
My mom swears up and down cows arent real I was in udder disbelief
Skeleton goes into a bar, he orders a beer and a mop
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet Because th
... keep reading on reddit ➡My brother was describing the game Plague, inc. to my dad this morning. Here's how it went down:
Brother: So in this game, you have to make a disease, choose all of its characteristics, and then try to infect as many people in the world as possible.
Dad: That's kind of sick
Many groans were had by all.
At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.
He’s the Chip Monk.
8-year-old: "Dad, did you know that Humpty Dumpty and Puss in Boots are brothers?"
me: "You know being Humpty Dumpty's brother is not all it's cracked up to be?"
everyone: silence
me: "Give me a break, I am new to this dad joke thing."
teenager: Cracks up
They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.
It was a perfect Sunday.
Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.
They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said
"Ketchup"
Great! Because even doe they're coney, I'm a rabbit fan of a really bunny jokr. Sorry if it bugs you, but they make me hoppy and I hope they multiply.
I'm all ears whenever I hare one, br'ers nothing better. If I had burrowed a buck fur every one that's cotton me to chuckle I could buy a 10 carrot ring just in case my brother Jackelopes.
Shoot, I can't remember what the joke was now...
Oh well, Lettuce leaf it there, I've got to bounce over to IHOP for lunch.
There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.
He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.
One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.
Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.
"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"
"Just a single banana." he said.
After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...
...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...
...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...
And for whatever reason, he got his job back!
So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!
Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."
Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....
NOTHING.
... keep reading on reddit ➡Hi all, sorry for the unorthodox post, but i really need help coming up with a specific pun. You see, this girl called eve challenged me to think of a non-obvious pun for her name that is still good and so far the best i can think of is something to do with an apple(like out of the bible) any chance you could help out a brother in need? Any input welcome.
Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit
There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.
About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.
The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.
The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".
"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.
"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."
The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."
The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"
The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."
The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"
The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minute of brushing each, then we decide."
"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.
Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper gr
... keep reading on reddit ➡Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.
The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, “I no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”
Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.
Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, “Let’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”
Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.
Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.
Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.
Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.
Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.
The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.
Scott said, “Little Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”
Pork Chop replied, “No way José! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”
Scott, undeterred by the reply says, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”
Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.
Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.
Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas
... keep reading on reddit ➡We we're all finishing our meals and began opening our fortune cookies.
Brother: Hey, my cookie didn't have a fortune in it.
Father: Well that's unfortunate.
In this space, this pun doesn't belong to him, brother.
In this time, that goddess doesn't own this pun.
You see child, in this existence, they are all: r/puns.✌️
Talking to a friend of mine who is at a marching band competition for her little brother.
>Me: Did you guys make it to the next round?
>Her: We find out in about an hour.
>Me: Yikes, that's stressful.
>Her: Yeah, and we have no idea where we stand.
>Me: Hopefully, on the field.
You're all invited to the baby shower.
There was a woman who was pregnant with twins. Labour was imminent, so she was taken to the hospital to give birth. Her husband was stuck at the office, so her brother, who is a little bit kooky and not the sharpest knife in the drawer, went along with her.
Everything goes well in the delivery room, and she becomes the mother to two healthy children, a girl and a boy. The pregnancy took a lot out of her and she promptly passed out from exhaustion shortly after the birth.
A little while later, the father shows up, all excited to hear about his new kids. The wife's brother is in the waiting room when he arrives.
Husband: "How'd it go?"
Wife's brother: "It went great! Your wife gave birth to a healthy girl and a healthy boy!"
Husband: "That's amazing! Thanks so much for coming down with her."
Wife's brother: "No problem. She passed out after giving birth, so when the doctor came to get their names recorded, I handled it all."
Husband: gulps "Oh really?"
Wife's brother: "Yup. I named your daughter Denise."
Husband: "Denise. Well, that's not so bad now, is it? And my boy? What's my boy's name?"
Wife's brother: "Well, naturally he's Denephew."
The priest said he was unsure if he could hire him, but would give him a chance. The man went to the bell tower and started running into the bells head first to make the most beautiful sounds the priest had ever heard. Unfortunately, on his second attempt the man missed the bell and fell out of the tower and died. The priest ran outside to the body and asked the gathering crowd if anyone knew who he was and they all said no, but his face did ring a bell.
A few minutes later another man walked up and claimed that the armless man was a dead ringer for his brother.
We were playing a popular table top naval warfare game, and my son proclaimed his next shot, "I-1!"
His little brother, who was already slightly behind, burst into tears, yelling, "What? You can't do that! Mom that's not fair."
It took us all a few seconds to figure out why he was so upset.
At a wedding reception where the chocolates on the table were in nice looking package.
While watching a baseball game:
In regards to meatloaf my mother made:
While eating at relatives' house:
In regards to an inappropriately shaped child's toy:
When my brother and I were screwing around instead of helping in the garage:
After listening to a 3 minute voice mail from my mother:
(From Abbott and Costello’s radio show, December 30, 1943)
Lou Costello: Oh, Abbott, the worst thing just happened to me!
Bud Abbott: No!
Lou Costello: Yeah, Mrs. Niles gave me a dog for a Christmas present, and the dog just took a great big bite out of me!
Bud Abbott: Where did he bite you?
Lou Costello: Well, if I’d have been wearing a license plate, he’d have gotten the last three numbers.
Bud Abbott: Where did this happen?
Lou Costello: Well, let me see, where did this happen — in a crowded streetcar. It was the first time I ever gave my seat to a dog.
Bud Abbott: Well, never mind that. What kind of a dog did Mrs. Niles give you?
Lou Costello: Do you remember that famous dog, Strongheart?
Bud Abbott: Yes, I remember Strongheart.
Lou Costello: Well, this is his brother — Weak Stomach.
Bud Abbott: Listen, I’m not talking about that. What is the dog’s breed?
Lou Costello: What does he breed? He breeds through his nose, like you and me!
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, you dummy, what kind of dog is he? Spitz?
Lou Costello: No, but he drools a little.
Bud Abbott: Look, there are different types of dogs, such as Setters, and Pointers, …
Lou Costello: That’s it, Abbott! He’s a Setter-Pointer!
Bud Abbott: A Setter-Pointer?
Lou Costello: Yeah, he sets all day and points at the icebox! (Editor’s note: we now call an “icebox” a “refrigerator”)
Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken. Hing immediately went back to the university. Having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.
Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves!!!
Ming, aware of his brother’s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole CARTLOADS of leaves, and brewed BARRELS of the tea, and poured them into the chicken for the two months. At the end of the time, the poor chicken was still as naked as a bowling ball.
Moral: All of Hing’s courses, and all of Ming’s kin; couldn’t make gum tea re-feather a hen!
I am well known among my friends as a Pungeon Master, but my brother foolishly decided to challenge me.
We went back and forth for a while, the theme ocean/fish puns. Finally, I busted out the nuclear strike that caused him to literally get up and walk away.
Me: Why are fish all atheists?
Brother: Why?
Me: Cause they're all, "Ick, theology."
Silent, he stood, left the restaurant and drove off. He was my ride T-T
Now, one brother's all that's left.
Don't worry though. The other one is all right.
Here are two of my dad's funniest (most memorable) moments while out to eat...
About five years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I went out for Valentine's Day with my parents. My mom and I were having a conversation about my brother's ex-fiancee when...
Ex: "Oh, so you guys don't like her?"
Dad: "No, but that's alright, we don't really like [K's] boyfriend all that much either."
Needless to say, it wasn't as funny at the time...
Then about a few months ago, with my current boyfriend, we went out to eat with some family friends. At the time, my boyfriend was employed at an A/C company doing Chinese drywall and was talking with two of the men employed in other construction trades.
Family Friend: "Don't get involved in concrete. Or Construction. Better yet, stay out of anything that begins with a C."
Dad (from the other side of the table): "You better stay out of anything that starts with a K, too."
It's even more ironic considering I happen to have one of those names that's commonly spelled with a C, but my parents decided to spell with a K. But as mortified as my boyfriend was, I have to give it to my dad, that one was pretty damn funny.
He was just finishing eating some of his mom's leftover birthday cake and his dad asked, ”do you want some milk to wash that cake down?”
”sure”
Dad hand him a cup of milk which he promptly dumps onto his plate and starts scrubbing.
Another one: my brother had just finished unloading the dishwasher and his son starts clappingmand says, ”good job daddy, I'm so proud of you, you unloaded the dish washer all by yourself!”
My brother accused me of reading Calvin and Hobbes to him on the sly when he told his son it was bath time and he started licking himself and said, "I'll just lick myself, that's what tigers do."
Little Joey asked his brother, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen." Tommy responded.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy." Tommy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the priest said, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!"
Me: Dad it's freezing in here, can we just turn up the heat! Dad: Why do that when you can just stand in the corner? Me: How does that help me at all? Dad: Because corners are always 90 degrees :D! Brother (in the kitchen): UGHHHHHH
So yesterday My father, Little brother, and I were all eating dinner. We were having random sausages that I cooked up.
Dad: Coughs
Me: "You okay?"
Dad: "I'm fine it's just a little hot."
Me: "Yeah, hot links and flaming hot Cheetos will do that to you."
Dad: "And a hot soda."
Me: "Dad that soda isn't anywhere close to being hot."
Dad: Bends can to give it an hourglass shape "There, now its hot."
Me and Little Brother: heavy sighs
It isn't exactly a joke, it's more of a jerk move that just happens to be funny, but whenever my Dad and I go out to eat, (or whenever we're eating really), he'll always take a bite from my plate saying that he is making sure it isn't poisoned, and if he likes it, he has to take a second sample to make sure. When I was a kid he would do it all the time and I would get so upset, and now I do it to my little brother whenever I take him out to eat, and it makes him so miffed.
My brother and I were arguing about something stupid at the dinner table when dad decided to chime in.
Brother: You're not very bright, are you?
Dad: Sure he is, he's so bright I call him son.
Everyone: :I
Me: I'm not hungry anymore.
Dad: After all that soup I hope not.
leaves
First off - I'm not a dad, just known for making the dad jokes.
So anyways, my grandpa had a stroke this morning. I went to visit him earlier today. He's 90, a WW2 Vet, cool guy. Becuase of his stroke, his entire left side is immobile as of right now.
When I got home, and told my family how he was doing, my little brother piped up: "So he's all right now?"
I facepalmed right after he said that. I should have seen it coming and said it first.
So, we were sitting at the table, eating lunch and my brother says
Bro: What do a Tuna, Piano, and a Jar of Glue all have in common?
Dad, Me: What?
Bro: You can tunapiano but you can't pianoatuna.
Dad, Me: What about the glue?
Bro: I knew you'd get stuck on that.
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