A list of puns related to "Thank You Brother"
They had prepared quite the spread with steak, corn, salad, and everyone had their own favorite side. The father had prepared his own signature spice blend and was encouraging everyone to try it. The son tried a little bit on his mac and cheese. Unfortunately he began coughing as it was too spicy, but was able to rinse it down with a bit of water and was fine.
The daughter didn't believe it could be as spicy as her brother claimed, so she put some of the spice blend on her mashed potatoes. She took a big bite and after a bit her face turned red and she began coughing and spluttering and went and got herself a glass of milk in order to help with the spiciness.
The mother laughed, knowing that the blend was spicy, but decided to try some anyway on her fries. She was conservative with her application, and could handle her spice better than her children so she thought she would be fine. And, if it weren't for a small bit of fry trying to go down the wrong pipe, causing her to cough, splutter and wheeze, she would have made it out unscathed.
Finally the father, after having witnessed that none of his family were able to master his own homemade spice blend, added it to every bit of his meal. The steak, the corn, his green beans and even his salad. He the requested some of each of the others' sides, and added the spices to some mac and cheese, mashed potatoes and fries as well. Then, to show he was not joking around, he added some hot sauce to top it all off. He began happily chowing down on every bit of it, completely unconcerned with the level of spice. He did not turn red, he did not cough, he did not splutter, he did not wheeze.
However, in his gusto to complete the meal, he was eating faster than he normal would and a half-chewed piece of steak unfortunately made it down the wrong pipe. His eyes went wide. Still, he did not cough, he did not splutter, he did not wheeze. But, he did begin to turn red. And then, he began to turn blue. Seeing that her husband was choking, the mother got up from the table and started trying to give the heimlich to the father. It didn't seem to be working until suddenly -- p-tooo, out came the piece of steak. Then the father coughed, spluttered and wheezed.
As he tried to regain his breath, his family heard that he was trying to say something between coughing fits. A 'thank you' to his wife, most likely. Or perhaps he was trying to say he should have slowed down and not eaten so fast to show them up. When he finally got
... keep reading on reddit ➡How are Chemistry and Medicine alike?
If you cant Helium or Curium, you'll have to Barium.
The friar puts a sign outside that said ‘bell ringer wanted, tryouts Saturday morning’
Saturday morning rolls around, and there were three people lined up out front of the church waiting to try to ring the bell. A tall, muscular man, a skinnier, frail man, and an average sized man.
The friar took them all up one at a time and handed them the hammer to hit the church bells with.
The muscular man grabbed the hammer in one hand, slammed it into the bell, and nearly shattered both with the force behind the swing. The friar said that they’ll have to keep looking.
The frail man could barley pick up the hammer. He swung it pitifully, and managed to ting the bell. The friar just shook his head and chuckled, thanking the man for coming.
The average sized man refused the hammer. Before the friar could question it, the man reared his head back and slammed it into the bell, producing a ring of such pure tone and quality it brought a tear to the friar’s eye. While he was wiping the tear from his face, the man, stumbling from the impact of skull to bell, accidentally tripped and fell off the bell tower to his death.
Well, the townsfolk had heard the beautiful bell, and a small crowd had gathered beneath the bell tower around the man’s body.
Collectively, they said “Who is he Friar? What happened?”
The friar shook his head sadly and said
“I don’t know, but his face rings a bell”
BUT IT ISN’T OVER CAUSE THEY STILL NEED A BELL RINGEE ROUND TWO KIDDOS HERE WE GO!!
So the next morning, when the friar opened the doors in the morning, a man approached him and said “Friar, you don’t know me, but the man who died yesterday was my brother. I’d be honored if you’d let me ring the bell today in his honor.”
The friar nodded and let the new man up the bell tower, handing him the hammer.
With a nightly swing, the man slammed the bell, producing again a high quality ringing tone. Unfortunately, he slipped while off balance and fell off the bell tower too and died.
Again, people were gathered around and they all asked as one “Who is he, Friar, what happened?”
The friar looked at them all in turn and said “I don’t know, but he’s a dead ringer for his brother”
A man applied for a job as a handy man and the interview went as follows;
INTERVIEWER: Thanks for the interest for the position as a handy man, this role requires work in many different areas to upkeep the building. Are you okay with electrical work.
APPLICANT: Oh no I can't work with anything electrical. My brother was electricuted while working a job so I'm terribly afriad of electrical work.
INTERVIEWER: Oh okay, I understand. Well there will be plenty of painting to be done over the weeks ahead how are you with that?
APPLICANT: Well the thing is I have a very shaky hand and would struggle with a paintbrush, I can't garentee doing a tidy job while painting I'm afraid.
INTERVIEWER: Riiight okay... Well we have some construction work planned with bricks, could you handle that??
APPLICANT: Ahh I have a bad back and would be in great pain bending over to do any brick laying. So no I wouldn't be able to do that.
INTERVIEWER: YOU DO REALIZE WHIS IS A HANDY MAN JOB?!? WHAT THE HECK IS HANDY ABOUT YOU??
APPLICANT: Oh I just live round the corner which I thought would be handy.
You saw-dust. (There were exaggerated winks after. And a elbow to the ribs. It was glorious)
Edit: thanks for the love: My kid asked me if I was gonna share it on Facebook. I don’t use Facebook so I said I’d share it here. He’s practicing his jokes, he said, so he can be a good big brother. He’s got a corny sense of humor and loves a good dad joke.
For the couple of you who think I pimped his joke for Karma, look outward to that speck of light in your dark life. That light is your asshole. Go that way to remove your head from from it.
The eldest brother picks it up, rubs it, and a genie pops out. "Alas, you have freed me!" he said. "For my freedom i shall grant each of you a wish." The first brother knew exactly what he wanted. "I wish i was home!" In a flash, he disappeared. The genie then looked to the middle brother. "I wish i was home too!" In another flash of light, he was gone. The youngest brother sat and began to cry, now being all alone on the island. He bawled his little eyes out before crying out "I wish my brothers were back."
Thanks u/Nightmuse11 for their joke reminding me of this one.
Dad: wow, You are really pretty! GF: thank you! :D Dad: do you have any sisters with poor eye sight for this guy? pointing at my little brother
so my mothers friend andy is helping her install a new TV, and this string of puns resulted:
ME: thanks for helping out around here, nice to have an ANDY-man
ANDY: oh that was a good one
BROTHER: i Don't know, i thought the delivery was kinda WOODEN
ME: wow, thanks for HAMMERING that home, pesonally i think i NAILED it, so SCREW you
BROTHER: will you just CONTRACT aids already (edgy ik)
ME: oh come on, i don't think you're being very CONSTRUCTIVE
BROTHER: i'm sorry, feeling a little PLASTERED right now.
Both of us: burst out laughing
I walk into the room, and my dad almost calls me by my older brother's name (we look a lot alike).
Dad: Oh hey Ry... uh.. Chuck, Henry, Fred. What do we call you again?
Me: Thanks dad..
Dad: I like Fred, I'll call you Fred. He chuckles and says: Go help bring in groceries.
Me: .....
Last night me and my brother went out with our dad and got a bite to eat. As my dad started to pay me and my brother said "thanks dad," simultaneously and my dad replies "don't thank me yet these guys have a lot of dishes for you guys to do."
For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my personal genealogy research efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
... and noticed 3 pieces of meat hanging from the celing upon entering his house. The boy asks his father, "What's this about?" The dad replies, "If you can jump up and slap the meat, you don't have to do any chores for the next month. However, if you miss, you have to do your chores and your brother's chores, along with no video games for a month. Still wanna do it?" The boy replies, "No thanks, I'm good." The dad responds, "I figured you would say that, I did raise the steaks pretty high."
When he finally comes out my dad tells him he did well and then this exchange happens:
Dad: You look like a model.
Brother: Oh thanks.
Dad: A model train.
Laughs had all around. Except by my brother.
Father-in-Law: Did you want soup or salad?
Brother-in-Law: No thanks.
Father-in-Law: How about just a regular salad?
My brother is creating a funny custom sweater for my boyfriend’s DJ name(DJ Grind Train). He wants to create a tag line under the DJ name but wants it’s to be a dirty pun. Like… “get ready to get railed”. C’mon team, I know you can create a better dirty pun than mine!
Thanks!!
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