Well, children, this is a one-story house.
They usually have fantastic tales.
It was a pretty funny tangent, though
The doctor said “Quit Stalin”
And it happened to be reallyyyy long. So I just told them to give me the brief of it
He just looked at me and replied, "You asked for a cock tale, sir."
Without missing a beat my dad goes "Why didn't they just keep him in the trunk.
I'm still laughing like a drunken seal.
It was a Fab Four-door
I told him that’s a little far fetched.
“Stop interrupting! It’s not your story, it’s ‘history.’”
Edit: not sure how to express the pun of the word ‘history’ so to clarify, it’s a play on ‘his story.’
Killed them both.
I asked "Did you tell your... CO?"
He didn't get it.
"It was solid mahogany, with memory foam and I had just worked 12 hours and.."
SON " WRONG TYPE OF BEDTIME STORY DAD!"
He mentioned his wife's sister, who grew up on a farm, was kicked out of FFA (Future Farmers of America).
"How?"
"She couldn't keep her calves together."
The collective groaning was incredible.
My coworker offered me their sandwich because I forgot my food and they had already eaten.
A friend dropped off a snack, but it wasn't enough to hold me over through my shift. The sandwich coworker was going home and handed me his sandwich before he left saying, "you better eat this whole thing."
So, I ate it during that shift. I walked in and saw him the next day. He asked, "did you eat that sandwich from yesterday?" I said "Yeah thanks" he said "Good, because you didn't have a choice, i would've been pissed if you wasted it" to which i responded, "Yeah it turned into a duty"
Dad : "My dad used to build his own boats with wood from the forest and one day he brought me out with him to chop some wood and he stopped for a moment and looked at the tress, put his arm around me and said "One day son, all this will be oars."."
I was delivered via C-section due to the cord being wrapped around my neck. My dad was telling the story about how he was so scared for me and my mom, and then when I came out everything turned out to be alright. So then my dad says he went to cut my umbilical cord and the doctor screams "NO THATS NOT THE UMBILICAL CORD!" as he cuts it.
He's such a dick. No pun intended.
