Aparent
Long time fan, first time poster.
Sheβs now my quaranteen.
I said, βOK, Zoomer.β
You hope to avoid crop tops and cutoffs.
A canteen
A adult male is a Man-ager
Oh shit, my boomerang!
Every hair counts!
Thatβs the day the mermaid realized women and seamen donβt mix
An adolescent Adderall essence
"Have you seen him? He's a tall Pakistani guy. Can't miss him." "No, sorry man." "Bummer... Yeah I've gotta catch Amal."
My fiance nearly threw her engagement ring at me for that one.
She canβt tell if sheβs straight or not
He really crossed the line this time!
wait I got it, nevermind
On the day of the prom, he goes to pick up his suit. However, once he gets there, thereβs a line, so he waits....and waits...and waits...
After he gets his suit, he goes to get her corsage. When he gets to the flower shop, however, thereβs an even bigger line, so he waits...and he waits...and he waits...
Once he had the corsages, he made his way to her house, but the roads were packed so he had to wait in line for the turnoff. So he waited...and waited.
Finally, he reaches her house, picks her up, and drives her to prom. But thereβs a line to get into the school, so they wait... and wait...
At last, they are in the prom and dancing away. After a while, they get thirsty. So they head for the refreshment table and.....
Thereβs no punch line
We're gonna call it a Friends-zone-giving.
A dad joke original from my dad!!!
is because it's so much harder to give birth to a teenager.
Its called the iRoll with a companion download for adults called the Groan app.
Just in: Case; Justin case. Just Encase, just in case.
Always use condiments
They shouldn't be out that late without adult supervision. The sound of eyes rolling is music to my ears.
Dad βif I knew ice was worth that much Iβd put more in the fridgeβ
Mormon Emo Problems
Ferrous Bueller
He said, "Well son, you don't need to. You've already groaned up in the past years."
They've been charged with crimes against huge manatee.
Her: I'm surprised Zhanna didn't wake up. I guess she is a heavier sleeper.
Me: Hmmmm, no. I think you weigh about the same.
Cue eye roll.
They can call it "Genital Hospital".
Dos Equus
My daughter who is 15 was hanging out with one of her friends. They were having a typical teenage conversation over which is better turkey or chicken. After a good 5 minutes of "Turkey.. No chicken... No turkey!" I interjected and said "You know what... I think your conversation is pretty fowl". It was a very proud period of silence after that.
We're in California, and the drought is on our minds as we approach what (in a good year) is the rainy season. As I checked the weather forecast, I gave a little cheer.
"Chance of showers this week!" I told my son.
"Well, for me, it's a 100% chance," he said. "Every morning, about 5:30."
Cardamom.
cantaloupe
In my class there was an assignment where you had to bring an item to represent yourself.
A student did a speech on how a cake represented her.
After the speech, i said, " well that speech really took the cake"
The teacher was the only one to laugh.
She's showing me this toy of Iago from Aladdin. he has a hole in the bottom of him so he sits on Jafar's shoulder. She said "Jafar has this thing on his shoulder so that Iago that can sit"
"So what you're saying is that Jafar' has a real chip on his shoulder"
She rolled her eyes at me and didn't respond. Which is a real accomplishment!
Edit: now she's mad at me, because I'm wrong. because it's "not a chip" Classic pre-teen
