#Alien-Nation Chapter 80: Internal Strife
Bike rides were good for the soul. There was no other way to put it. After a hectic day, a wild ride to let off all the loose energy and disguise after I’d cloaked myself as…well, Elias.
The day had gone swimmingly for Emperor, and terribly for Elias. Nothing about it had bothered me, though, until we'd all been escorted home by a military escort. Watching my parents cook dinner after that, with their admittedly frayed nerves, had been...interesting. But then came dinner- and with it, an argument. I'd started calm, but soon, there was shouting- and I'd picked up and stormed out of the house.
I wasn't sure why- it felt all day like I'd been putting on an act, pretending to be someone who I wasn't anymore. So why did it still bother me? Was I too invested in the role? Or was Elias, that weak snivelling coward, still somewhere inside me?
As I coasted around a corner and felt the bike right itself, the cloak of 'Elias,' and all his troubles seemed to waft off of my body until there was nothing left but me. What a strange thought, all the ways I’d changed. I felt a wicked creature, some serpent, some wolf in sheep’s clothing enjoying ditching the wool at the end of a hot summer’s day as the pavement still bled heat into the night sky.
I heard a gunshot ring out in the far off distance, perhaps a mugging, perhaps a robbery, perhaps an ambush, or something more innocuous like hunting, or even a celebration.
I’d once thought about carrying a gun for myself, until I remembered that it was basically illegal for me as a minor to carry one, and that no one would sell to a minor. This limited me to unlicensed, unregistered guns. Carrying one of those, then, even a small one, would have re-categorised me from ‘takes their self-protection seriously,’ to ‘likely insurgent.’ Besides, I’d gotten out alive. But, now that I had the medal…
Then again, today, I was at my most vulnerable. I’d put my life and well-being completely in the hands of other people, yet lived through it. I felt invincible.
Invincible, that was, until I thought about the conversation I’d had before leaving home. Something about it, something about i
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Buenosdillas
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
“BOOM”?!
"That's what they're fighting about."
Because his Visa didn’t work.
When I got home, they were still there.
