I went for a walk in the woods and saw a deer with a camera taking pictures of me. I stopped and asked how the photos were. He looked and frowned and said
not good. You have that wide eyed man in the woods look.
Orange was taking a walk when he overheard someone compare him to an apple.
Needless to say, he was pithed.
A father and his son are taking a walk through the woods...
Dad, what are these?
Black berries.
Why are they red then?
Because they are still green.
When will they be black?
When they turn completely blue.
I tried taking a sleepy cow on a walk,
It only took a few steps before taking a smooze.
Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...
He said the police were expecting a crime wave
I was taking a walk this morning and this shrubbery came out of nowhere!
My wife and I were taking a walk...
This week’s dumb joke:
My wife and I were out for a walk, and we walked through a cool patch of air right by a field.
“It’s weird how it’s always cooler right there,” she said.
“Yeah,” I said, “I guess it’s because the sun never shines here. I wonder if they get a lot of dumping in this field?”
“Huh? Why?”
A beat.
Two beats.
“Isn’t this where they stick everything?” I deadpanned.
She laughed. You don’t have to.
Him: I'm taking the canine for an evening stroll around the neighborhood. Her: Why don't you just say you're taking the dog for a walk?
Dog: * Goes absolutely nuts *
So two pretzels are taking a walk down the street.
What did the tomato daddy say to it’s kid while they were taking a walk?
In a cafe, I just saw a dad walk up to a girl on a ladder taking down Christmas decorations.
Are you supposed to be working when you're high?
Taking a walk by the beach
We pass a sign that says we are now entering the Boardwalk with no events or restraunts
"I guess I see why its called the boredwalk
Taking a walk today....
And I came upon this bird on my path. As I walked closer, he did nothing but look at me aggressively. That is until I was a foot away, which he then flew off.
I guess he chose the flight response.
A dung beetle walks in to a bar, takes a good look around and walks back out.
A couple walks into a bar, bartender says, “What’ll it be?” And the guy says, “My wife needs to take her medication...
...so let’s get some pilsner.”
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Every morning I take my pet cow for a long walk in a local vineyard.
Yes, I herd it through the grapevine.
Police walk by a man who is in fire, the man waves and police take out their guns, why?
It's a 5 minute walk down to my local pub, but strangely, it takes 25 minutes to walk back..
The difference is staggering..!!
You walk into a bar and there's a whole group of people waiting to take a swing at you
The other day, I was visiting my dad and we decided to take a walk.
Dad pulls out his phone to check the weather app, and says to me, "Surely it isn't going to rain today."
To our shock, his phone replied loudly, "Yes, it will. And don't call me Shirley."
"Sorry son, I left it in airplane mode", dad apologized.
I was walking into my kitchen when I suddenly thought I was from Barcelona and had the urge to take a siesta
Then I realized I was just having a Señor moment
While out for a walk, my friend's Dachshund had to take a break and sit in the shade.
A lumberjack walks the lands and finds a forest to start a home. He walks up to a tree and takes a swing with his axe. The tree exclaims, “you can cut me down I’m a magical talking tree!” The lumberjack looks for a second and replies
“Yes, but you’re going to dialogue”
My 5th grader’s joke today: Two friends walked into a store (she meant “bar” but she knows she’s too young to patron a bar), and the 1st friend “I’ll take an H2O!”. The 2nd friend says “I’ll take an H2O, too!” And the 2nd friend died. Why?
Because H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide and it’s toxic!!
I was in the hospital for a week. I just got out and my wife tells me to take a shower and change my underwear. "Soon, they might start walking and talking on their own," she says.
I said, "They might even crack a few jokes.
.
.
"But they'll be brief."
Sometimes when I take my money out at a bank, I walk outside and throw it in the river
I like watching my cash flow.
Around the 3rd day of every week I take a shower and just walk out without drying myself
I can't take my dog to the park anymore, he gets attacked by ducks every time I we go for a walk.
I guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog.
A man is brought to the hospital with a mortal wound. The medical staff believes there is no way to help him and he will die. The head doctor walks in and says I will take care of this. He takes a clock off the wall and rubs it on the injured man, the man is HEALED.
The nurse says: AMAZING! how did you know that would work!?
The head doctor says: “It’s simple really… Time heals all wounds.”
A dad takes his kid to the walk-in clinic.
They're in the waiting room, and the kid gets bored and starts flipping the pages of a magazine.
A friendly stranger notices, and says to the man, "Looks like you've got a little bookworm."
"Nope," he replies, "pinworms."
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...
She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”
The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
Not sure why it's so complicated for the kids to take the dog for a walk...
After all, it's only walk-it science.
July 27 is Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day.
My wife wanted to take our other two dogs on a walk
She had just come back from walking our other dog. I asked her what the temperature was like outside, because it was supposed to get into the 70's.
She said, "It's nice, I only had to put on my jean jacket."
"So you're telling me it's in the 80's?"
I was walking in the Himalayan mountains when a hairy creature came into view. I was about to snap a picture but it said, "do not take a picture of me at this moment."
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
Son: “I’m gonna take the dog for a walk”
Dad: “ok great. Collar. Leash.”
Son: “no dad. Call her sparky!”
So proud of my son for coming up with this on the spur of the moment!
Why do pirates never take a bath before they walk the plank?
Because they always wash up on shore.
Why don't pirates take a shower before walking the plank?
They'll just wash up on shore
Pirates don't take a shower before they walk the plank.
They just wash up on shore.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
Because they just wash up on shore.
It's a 5 minute walk to the pub from my house. But getting home takes 45 minutes!
The difference is staggering!
It only takes me 10 minutes to walk to the bar but takes a hour to get back
The difference is staggering
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you
I walked into a bar and there was a whole line of people waiting to take a swing at me.
I guess you could call that a punch line
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
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