A SQL query goes to a restaurant, walks up to 2 tables and says
What’s the difference between a molecule of table salt and the late Sean Connery?
One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.
What do you call a table whose design can be changed at anytime?
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
Credit to u/the_richard_cranium. In a sub called r/nononono where things that had the potential to go wrong do, a woman struggles to put out a match. She sets it on the table, defeated failing to do so, but she forgot to put it out before doing so.
Confused, another redditor asked “What kind of match was that?” Cranium replied “No match for her apparently”
With the holidays near, to set a festive atmosphere at your table, be sure you have a shiny chrome plate to hold your condiment sauce. Why?
Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
My kids are asking for a ping pong table for Christmas this year, but I told them that isn’t an easy decision.
A lot of bouncing back and forth.
Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
Today I came across a note on my table signed by someone called Cayman-
I was pretty sure that he Cayman left
What's the name of a knight of the round table?
Just ordered a 12” wide console table to go by our entryway door.
My daughter says it will be very soothing.
How do you make a snooker table laugh?
Put your hand in its pocket and tickle its balls.
Today I took a single Cheerio from my son’s bowl, stared him in the eyes, placed it on the table, smashed it with my fist, and said “Watch out...”
What do you call a table made out of vegetables?
What's a pirate's favourite element in the periodic table?
Gold. Why would he like argon or carbon
My wife said she wanted a dining table ...
but for some reason she just rolled her eyes when I suggested this one
Scientists have discovered a new element in the periodic table.
The element will be represented by the letters AH. This is of course the element of surprise.
Have you ever eaten under a standing table?
would be pretty under stand table.
I tried to order a table from IKEA, but I misplaced an umlaut in my search text. I got a couch instead.
What happens when a chair and a table helps out those in need?
A German built a swimming pool around his table.
I don't think she brings a lot to the table.
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
Long time to make a table haha
What do you call a dog who’s on a streak at the craps table?
The knights of the round table all had a unique set of skills
Do you think Sir Lancelot was good at jousting? Or just really liked it.
When I was a child, I had trouble memorizing multiplication tables.
I also enjoy eating lunch on a periodic table
My friend had a table candle featuring glitter and 100 fibrous bundles to light...
I was arrested for using cash that my friend gave me after I installed a new table top in his kitchen.
He gave me counter fit money.
Mum: (yells at dad) - Why is there a bloody tennis racquet on the kitchen table??
Dad: Relax love it's serving lunch.
I found a "table tennis" shirt in germany
An italian is sitting at a restaurant table, with pizza on the other end.
"Pastapizza", he says to the waiter.
I booked a table for Valentines night tonight and I just hope it goes better than last year.
We were there for about 20 minutes before my wife even potted a red.
I feel like I'm gonna choke a person one of these days by joking at the dinner table
And then get jailed for 12 months just for a man's laughter.
When is it acceptable to react to a table?
A king sat on his throne in his beautiful kingdom. Before him were three glasses set on a table. The first two are filled with water, but the third one is empty. What is the name of the king?
I walked in on a gathering of knights sitting at a round table and eating pie.
I found the Sir conference.
I backed out of a challenge I issued my friend to a game of pool on my incomplete table.
I realised I didn’t have the balls.
There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.
Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?
Accidentally used a dirty cloth to try and clean the table.
A man is at a job interview and the interviewer asks him “So why do you think you’d make a good waiter” and the man replied “Well, I think I could bring a lot to the table”
Have you ever eaten under a standing table?
would be pretty under stand table.
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