When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.

Now I’m homeless.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...

That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you ever surprise Darth Vader at Christmas?

Because he always senses your presents.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdwelsh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought my son a car accessory as a surprise but my wife told him what is was before I gave it to him.

It was a big spoiler.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Subleyeme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.

It's a Cemer Tree.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get with surprise peas?

Wet legs

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanumanjizzfest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Much to my surprise they added a roundabout on my route to work.

It really threw me for a loop.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahatg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you surprise plastic containers?

They are top aware.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrama
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife brought home a parakeet yesterday. When she comes home, she’s in for a surprise because ...

Toucan play at this game.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CombatWombat267
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you surprise a pokΓ©mon?

β€œPika-boo!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vs424reddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.

Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infuuri
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
To my surprise, my physician was the Mediterranean Sea

I guess C’s really do get degrees

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VockellBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Nade is buying meat for your proposal surprise party.

Will you marinade?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.

To which I said, β€œThat doesn’t make cents.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/High_Speed_Chase
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know if it's coincidence, but both my kids absolutely love surprise eggs. They're obsessed with them!

And neither of them were planned!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to get a tattoo in Madrid, but the tattoo artist I wanted to go to got in trouble for making some anti government tattoo art, which was quite a surprise

No one expects the Spanish ink sedition

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Surprise
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/___jimenez__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
There was once a scientist doing research on some microscopic organisms. To his surprise he found out that a particular species was completely homosexual.

They're algae.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.

I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was searching pinterest for Ghost (band) wallpapers. This was a pleasant surprise.
πŸ‘︎ 198
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForGodAndJSU
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Dankmemes is shit but sometimes it surprises me
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apenibba2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was 10 my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.

That was when I realized he was her favorite twin, not me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Rumors have it my roommate is going to surprise me with a set of loudspeakers

I don't like the sound of it

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadNigga
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Surprise pun struck me as I was connecting to someone's WiFi
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlothKid01
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Surprise party
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I came home from a long day of work to find a surprise my girlfriend left me! imgur.com/a/9nOTA
πŸ‘︎ 471
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SOLDIERv7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Which of Harry Potters spells never surprises anyone?

Expected Patronum

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mayur033
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
This bar joke caught me by surprise

A weasel walks into a bar.

The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CerebralPimp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said it’d really be a nice birthday surprise if I got her something to run around in.

So I bought her a tracksuit.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A surprise to be sure
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plaYeRUnknwn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Surprise party? Oh for…
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes my genius surprises even me [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I got an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom, and to my COMPLETE surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.

I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Surprise dad joke from my wife

I will preface this by saying I work in IT.

The other day we were watching tv when my son started playing in front of the screen. The first statement I could come up with was β€œyou’ve got to sit down your dad’s not a glassmaker”

My wife’s response was β€œbut he does work with Windows”

I am a proud husband.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmatt1877
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A wife finds out she's pregnant and wants to surprise her husband with the news...

"Honey, I'm pregnant!"

"Are you kidding me?"

"That's another way of saying it, I guess, yeah."

πŸ‘︎ 294
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowmansni
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
All Chemistry exam questions contain trace amounts of the element of surprise.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ablufia
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow and she’s wanted to get a new cat (recently lost our old one), so my son and I got a cat from the animal shelter, put her gently into a large gift bag and brought her home. Before I could shut my driver door my son ran inside and ruined the surprise...

Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5d2248650
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A bee-g surprise (x-post: r/funny)
πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bukklab
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Every time I leave work early to surprise my wife, she always greets me with these three special words.

Were you fired?

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capablwda0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My cousins from Barcelona came for a surprise visit weeks ago. They're still here!

I didn't expect the Spanish imposition...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to surprise my wife by buying a dairy farm...

She had a cow when I told her.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devcon4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
The number of cursing parrot videos shouldn't surprise you.

Parrots love fowl language.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I told the bartender to surprise me with a drink. He pulled out ice and tape. I asked him what he was making.

He said β€œScotch on the Rocks”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ekhypebeast02
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the surprise Pokemon?

Onixexpected.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoDragonsPlz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
🚨︎ report
There was a knock at the door the other day and to my surprise, it was a kitchen sink!

He said "I hear you have everything but me." So I let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
It's really no surprise the Taiwanese are so personable.

They all have Taipei personalities!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjugner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I was able to get an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom, and to my complete surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.

I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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