Sunday Night Puns

There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.

He was over for dinner, asking me about making a simple wooden box. Once he's finished describing what he wants to do and how he thinks he'll do it I reply with "Yeah, that wood work".

One Sunday morning, he started having a fever, headache and a cold so he decided to go to the hospital to have himself tested. After the test, he talked with the doctor who told him that he tested negative for Coronavirus - it was just Saturday night fever.

My dad, sister and I were driving home the other night when a U2 song came on the radio. He asked us if we knew what the song was about (Sunday Bloody Sunday). I knew, and mentioned it's unfortunate source. My sister then asks from the back seat "Are U2 Irish?" to which my dad responds "Nope! We're Canadian!" and then begins laughing so hard that he is practically in tears and snorting. He didn't stop for a good 2 or 3 minutes. My sister and I just shook our heads slowly.

The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.

But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused.

He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

One day, Melon met a girl named Cantaloupe. She was very sweet to him. They fell in love quickly, but his father didn’t approve because she was a peasant. You see, the king wanted Melon to marry the princess of Veggieland, Broccoli. The king banned Melon and Cantaloupe from seeing each other ever again.

However, the young lovers were determined to see each other. Every Sunday, Cantaloupe snuck into Melon’s room. They would stay up till midnight with each other. This went on for many years.

Meanwhile, the king was arranging Melon’s marriage with Broccoli. He was prepared to pay every expense to make the wedding excellent for PR. However, the night before Melon was to be married, the king found out about his meeting with Cantaloupe! He made Melon swear a Royal Oath—an unbreakable promise—to marry Broccoli the next day and never see Cantaloupe again after that.

That night, when Cantaloupe visited, Melon admitted what had happened. She begged him to run off with her and get married, but he refused.

“I love you, but I swore a Royal Oath. I’m sorry, dear, but I Cantaloupe.”

My first son was born late on Sunday night. My parents came to visit my family in the hospital today and my dad was telling me how they thought they had parked next to my car before they saw the parking spot was marked "Clergy Only".

I told him I could park there because I was a Father now.

"It's good that you have all wheel drive. And you've got snow tires."

"Actually, they're made of rubber."

100%, actually happened, last Sunday night.

I work pizza delivery and late on Sunday night I was counting out my money. I was deep in concentration and when I finally turned around I found that the kitchen workers were cleaning out the walk-in cooler and they had stacked box after box of cheese nearly surrounding me. I turned to the nearest worker and said, "Hey, I'm really getting cheesed here!"

She snorted. I chuckled for the next hour, and on and off for the next few days.

Friday night I came home and found out my dog destroyed my mattress.

Saturday after work we went out and I bought a new one.

Sunday it was delivered. Made the bed, laid on it. She asked me how I liked it and I said I wasn't sure.

"Oh, I guess you have to sleep on it!"... I groaned.

To clarify, he (we shall call him Greg) is not really a dad but with all the jokes he makes, he'd be a brilliant one. Here are a few that I can remember him making:

1. Our uni's team was set to play Surrey's team, but there were no where to be seen. One of the referees came up to me and George and said, "Surrey haven't shown up yet and the game's meant to start soon. Any idea where they are?" Greg replied with, "No, Surrey, haven't seen them." The ref and me both shook our heads laughing.
2. At the team meal Sunday night, a mushroom was thrown at another teammate. He said, "Look at you, tryna be a fungi!" Greg followed on with, "I didn't think there was mushroom for that joke."
3. During the walk home, Greg walked on ahead while 3 of us dawdled. When we caught up with him, he pointed at a wheelie bin and asked, "Where have you guys bin?" then pointed at the wheels and asked, "No, wheelie, where have you bin?" He had countless others but these 3 are the ones that stuck out.

It was Tuesday night and we were at my work Christmas party when my boss comes to our table. Him: "The Sunday bar is open". Me: "But it's Tuesday". Him: "Look here, we don't need another smart ass. I have that position covered quite well". My mother(who normally is quit witted), "O_o I don't get it". My boss and me: -__-face palm