Sunday Brunch Puns

Yesterday my SO and I met my parents and my sister and brother-in-law for brunch. I decided to order eggs benedict.

Right away my dad said, "You know that comes on a special dish right? A chrome one?"

I didn't follow, so he kept going.

"You know what they say right?"

Still nothing from me.

"You know... there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

I still can't believe I didn't see it coming...

Before our meal came out, the waiter had brought out a fruit basket with your typical fruit in. My dad picks up a green grape and a purple grape and just stares at them.

Me: "dad, what are you doing?"

Dad: "heh, what did the green grape say to the purple grape?"

Me: "uh, I don't know..."

Dad: "BREATHE, IDIOT!!! BREATHEEEEE!!!!!"

My mom thought it was th funniest shit ever.

...when father mole looks over lovingly to mother mole and says, "In appreciation of all you do, we are going to brunch today!"

Mother mole and baby mole excitedly get ready and put on their Sunday best.

When they are ready to leave, mother mole climbs up the tunnel first, and exclaims, "O my, I can smell pancakes and syrup!" Baby mole comes up next and says, "I can smell eggs and bacon!"

Father mole follows behind and says, "Funny, all I can smell is molasses!"

I barback for a friend on Sunday mornings. Part of that job includes cutting my own lemons and limes for brunch service. Because we only order organic produce, it's fairly common to get nasty looking fruit.

I'd been mulling over this thought for weeks, waiting for the perfect moment to capitalize on the growing, searing flame inside of me when finally, after much preparation, I found one. A lemon that looked fine on the outside and was nasty on the inside. I turned to the bartender and simply said, "I think I found a Lemon."

He groaned. And walked away. But the dad's at the bar chuckled a little.