Sulfur dye Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

1. Sleeping with your bird

-This might seem really obvious but I already directly heard from this subreddit a month ago that there bird died because of this and I also hear my friend telling me a similar story. And even if you don't sleep with your bird make sure to lock their cage door at night (or whenever you go to bed or they are left without any supervision). While you might be sleeping they could fly/climb to you, attempting to cuddle while your unconscious and you could crush them.

2. Toxic Foods

-avacado (The leaves of the avocado plant contain persin, a fatty acid-like substance that kills fungus in the plant. When ingested by a bird, this substance may cause heart damage, respiratory difficulty, weakness, and even sudden death.)

-Caffeine (Caffeine can increase heart rate, induce arrhythmias and hyperactivity, and even cause cardiac arrest in birds.)

-fruit seeds and pits (especially apple seeds)

-Dairy products (Not toxic but bad for their health.. Parrots never evolved to produce lactase, the enzyme necessary to help digest lactose. Essentially, birds are highly “lactose-intolerant” species.)

• Cheese ("I want to emphasize this because lactose intolerance is just the tip of the iceberg. Because birds cannot digest dairy products, cheese can remain and accumulate in the digestive track and has caused fatal blockages in the crop and intestines. If your parrot loves cheese (and what parrot doesn’t?) you can feed vegan cheese made with nuts. I make mine mini pizzas made with whole grain English muffins, tomato sauce (Hunts brand because they use only steam, not lye in processing) and almond cheese. They love it !")

-Chocolate (Chocolate contains both theobromine and caffeine which can cause vomiting and diarrhea, increase heart rate, result in hyperactivity, induce tremors and seizures, and even cause death in birds.)

-Salt (Even one salty chip or pretzel can upset the electrolyte and fluid balance in a bird’s tiny body, leading to excessive thirst, dehydration, kidney failure, and death.)

-Fat (Consumption of high-fat foods, such as butter, oil, fatty meats, and nuts can result in build-up of cholesterol deposits in the walls of our arteries (known as atherosclerosis), predisposing to heart disease and stroke. Excessive ingestion of these foods also can lead to obesity and all the health problems that accompany this condition. The same processes occur in birds, and certain bird species, such as Amazon and Quaker parrots, are prone to d

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.