Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
What company does the state of Indiana use for paternity tests?
Did you know that women have a higher chance of flying to space than men?
It's true. They have more astro-gens.
I just read that California leads the United States in both depression rates and cases of infidelity
Talk about a sad state of affairs
I was asked by an Arabic king to educate one of his friends in English literature, he didn’t get some of the lines and jokes in Hamlet, Macbeth and King Lear. I had to give up after a while as I was having no luck.
I don’t know what I expected though, having never taught Sheikh’s peer before.
What piece of lab equipment has the most education?
Did you know the lead for Nickelback has been in the nativity scene across all 50 States for 30 years?
He stopped doing it after 30 years. He's played a sheep, a cow, Joseph, and even Mary once...
It turns out he never made it as a wiseman
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road…
The reason: ‘Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
I am a professional reviewer of historic sites in the United States. I recently visited the site of a famous gunfight at a corral in Arizona...
What type of bee is lowlier than the queen, but higher status than soldiers and workers?
The name for Worcestershire sauce was derived in a West Virginia diner when a customer called the waitress over and asked,
"Hey, what's this here sauce?"
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?
Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.
Preliminary discussions show that the higher-ups at Bass Pro Shops couldn't agree on whether to raise the price for fishing rods
To tell the truth, solid are the only state of matter I have a firm grasp on.
My understanding of gases is airy. And my opinions on liquids are wishy washy.
Did you know that a whitetail deer is capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can't jump.
2 guys walk into a bar with their wives and ask for 2 pints of Stella and 2 "girly" drinks
Bartender: 'So that's 4 pints of Stella?'
Me to my son who is learning his US state capitals: What is the capital of Alaska?
Son: Umm….I forgot.
Me: Why don’t Juneau?
Wife: Rolls eyes and leaves the table.
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years, but they're having a really hard time...
...putting their case together.
In a surprising announcement the government has stated with all the issues recently instead of going forward in time we will go back 2 years...
It is a higher place of learning
The Adventures of the Mathmagician (an educational and punny comic).
I got arrested by the Department of Animal Welfare for trying to acquire several crows to raise as pets.
They charged me with attempted murder.
What state is known for their tiny soft drinks?
So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.
I mean, he only had one Job.
They communicate in a higher level of language
https://preview.redd.it/i9i9g4vchab71.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=15c48925f46670fcabf9d98151f060866f9c6ca3
One of the best gifts I got for Christmas this year is a whiteboard for my office.
TIL the swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of, except for...
...the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
I saw a notice from Santa saying he was putting Prancer up for adoption. He can't work anymore because of macular degeneration. I was considering adopting him...
...but my wife said "that's a bad eyed deer."
Why is Iowa the best state for telling dad jokes?
Have you heard of the U.S. state where computers have become sentient?
Breaking News: Authorities uncover fraudulent claims from the makers of dandruff shampoo stating "This just scratches the surface!"
Do you know what would happen if you put Alaska on top of the United States?
A lot of people would die.
Why do California residents go to neighboring state for transplants?
Because there are a lot of Oregon donors
A bloke down the pub just offered me 8 legs of venison for £20…..
During breakfast my 5yo son said "Did you know there are three states of matter? Solid, Liquid, and Gas."
And I said "Did you know there are four states of Adams?"
"Creepy, Cookie, Ookie, and Spooky."
And then I sung the Adams Family theme song
Nick Cannon bought Mariah Carrey an undeveloped plot of land for Christmas one year. She didn't like it.
She told him "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Why is it acceptable for the leader of a Firing Squad to swear?
Because saying “oh shoot” can cause problems.
More U.S. Presidents were born in Virginia than any other state.
I guess you could say it's a Prez dispenser.
What U.S state has the highest concentration of women who cheat on their husband
Help! Need a pun for the title of my story!
It’s about two strangers who end up accidentally swapping phone at the airport….so pun could be either about airport (flying/flight) or phones.
West Virginia isn't just a place; it's a state of mines
What can jump higher, the empire state building or a kangaroo
The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump
I heard a kangaroo can jump higher than the Empire State building.
Actually, they all can. Buildings don't jump at all.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course it can! A building can’t jump at all!
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?
Any dog... buildings can’t jump
What animal can jump higher than the Empire State Building?
They all can; the Empire State Building can't jump!
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