Formants, spectral envelopes, and modeling resonant spaces w/ parametric EQs [Synth Tutorial] youtube.com/watch?v=-4qlW…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/volcabeet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Extraction of the spectral envelope

Someone knows of Extraction of the spectral envelope of acoustic signals and basic sound resynthesis

any example or tutorial ??? program : Pure Data

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πŸ‘€︎ u/henry15reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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MFCC to Spectral Envelope filter?

Hello, I am working on a project at the moment and am getting a little bit confused so I am wondering if you guys could help me out.

Basically what I am trying to do is use the Coefficients of an mfcc analysis as a spectral filter on another sound. Is this possible? If not, does it make sense to use the energy per mel band as nodes in a comb filter? Or is this a less effective way that doing a FFT convolution of the two sounds?

Appologies if these are stupid questions, I am finding it difficult to get my head around the concept! Thank you in advance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LouboAsyky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2016
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Visual Mixing With Reason 4--creating spectral analyzers and having watching your filter/amp envelopes physically manipulate device frequency/amplitude (video walkthrough + text explanation) youtube.com/watch?v=6WFxS…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElliotNess
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2010
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[Excerpt: Sons of the Hydra] Alpha Legionnaires go skydiving through the Warp

Context: the ship of Occam, who leads an Alpha Legion warband, has been attacked in the Maelstrom by an unknown enemy. Occam decides to take his brothers and investigate in a rather drastic way.

>As Occam and his legionnaires reached the airlock, they threw themselves through several antechambers, a receiving chamber and an open bulkhead. Inside the lock, Hasdrubal went to work securing the pressure bulkhead and sealing the compartment from the rest of the ship. The last thing the Iota-Γ†ternus needed in the middle of an attack was an accidental depressurisation.
>
>β€˜Ready,’ Occam put to Malik and his sergeant. The pair hugged their weapons in close and fell in behind their strike commander. Occam positioned himself in front of the airlock door. β€˜Purge.’
>
>As Quoda popped the lock from the bridge, the air explosively evacuated the chamber, blasting the three members of the Alpha Legion out into the dreadspace of the Maelstrom. Everything became a kaleidoscopic nightmare as Occam and his renegades tumbled through the haze of blood globules and afflicted void. As they shot across the distance between the two vessels, Occam could see the damage that the ramming action had done to the Iota-Γ†ternus’ starboard flank and weaponry. Through the bloody murk, the strike master saw the blaze of the attacking vessel’s sub-light engines. With its armoured prow still resting against the smashed section of hull, the raider intended on driving the armed freighter into the Mawtex.
>
>For a moment, everything became immaterial fury, spectral claw and maw. Leaving the Geller field surrounding the Iota-Γ†ternus and entering the pocket of rancid reality protecting the Chaos raider, for a second Occam and his Alpha Legion renegades were at the physical and spiritual mercy of daemons. Horrific denizens of the warp storm swarmed about them, drawn like moths to the flame of the legionnaires’ mortal existence. Occam’s auto-senses registered their alarm as beasts of the beyond moved in with talons, tentacles and daggered jaws. His hearts thundered in his chest. A moment later it was over, as they entered the aegis of the other ship.
>
>The legionnaires tumbled along the length of the Chaos raider, over baroque mouth-muzzled turrets and monstrous chains that criss-crossed the ruinous obscenities plastered across the red and black hull. Hurtling towards the tower and command decks situated towards the aft of the

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustANewLeader
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
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[Let's Build] D100 draconic mutations your players might gain permanently

After absorbing the fragmented soul of a draconic god, the adventurer's body begins to undergo physical, psychic and emotional changes, referring to the draconic roots. Permanent for all the campaign

  1. Scaly Left-Handed. Scales grow all over your left arm. 1 use, action, your strength score increases by 6 for 1 minute, you can use a reaction to make a melee attack against a creature or object within 5 feet of you. If you hit, the creature or object is pushed 30 feet away from you. If movement stops early because of hitting a creature or object, all things involved take 1d6+your increased strength modifier damage.
  2. Menacing Smile. The teeth in your mouth fall out and give way to sharp, monstrous blades. You gained draconic teeth dealing 1d8 piercing damage
  3. Icy Breath. A line of cold 3 meters wide and 30 meters long emanates from you, all water in this path is frozen for 1 minute, ice can support a lot of weight and is difficult terrain, any creature in the water must make a saving throw DC 15 or being restrained by ice, a restrained creature can make a DC 15 Athletics check as an action on its turn to break free.
  4. Scales and Fins. Retractable fins grow on its arms. Gain swimming speed equal to your walking speed, can breathe underwater, can talk to water-breathing beasts
  5. Natural Armor. Itches all over your body, causing part of your skin to fall off. Scales cover your body giving you additional armor (+2 AC)
  6. Hateful tail. A draconic tail grows on you. 1d12 bashing
  7. Blade Eyes. His eyes take on a reptilian appearance. Gains ability to see details up to [2 hexes] away, gains advantage on all Perception rolls, lasts 1 hour. Twice a day
  8. Leg Day! Its two legs grow in volume and strength, becoming part draconic. Max horizontal and vertical jump distance becomes equal to your walking speed, fall damage halved.
  9. Ancestral Immunization. Immune to poisons and diseases, acts as if it were water or anything else not dangerous
  10. Wings of the Gods. You grow wings that give you a flight speed of 50 feet for 1 minute.
  11. Scaly Right Handed. Scales grow all over your right arm. 1 use per day, action, your strength score increases by 6 for 1 minute, you can use a reaction to make a melee attack against a creature or object within 5 feet of you. If you hit, the creature or object is pushed 30 feet away from you. If movement stops early because of hitting a creature or object, all things involved take 1d6+y
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaioCruz02
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2022
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[Excerpt] [Execution Hour] Nurgle and The Emperor playing 100D chess with a Ship Captain, a Plaguebearer, and a Fury Pilot, all to end or save a single Ship.

We always hear about the Emperor and the Chaos Gods playing 100D chess with each other, but we rarely ever see it, so I thought that this would be a great opportunity to actually seeeven one aspect of that 100D Chess in action. __ Context: It’s the Gothic War, also known as the 12th Black Crusade, The Macharius, a Ship within Battlefleet Gothic, and it’s captain, Leoton Semper, took out a ship that was a sister ship to The Virulent, now after meeting The Macharius in battle, and even engaging in some boarding actions to exact revenge upon The Macharius, and failing to destroy it, the Captain of the Virulent, Sirl, has one final trick up his sleeve.

Zane is a Fury Pilot on the Macharius.

>The master of the Virulent turned away from the auspex screen, pleased to see the distant shapes of the Imperial fleet falling away to the rear of his vessel. Accompanying the Virulent were the Pluton, the Pagan Voyager and a handful of surviving escort vessels. The Heathen Promise limped off on a different course heading, offering itselfβ€”Sirl was delighted to seeβ€”as an obvious, alternative target for the wrath of any pursuing enemy ships. Ahead of the fleeing Chaos ships was open space, and the promise of escape into the warp. > >It had been Sirl’s intention to launch a second wave of boarding craft at the Macharius, but, before he could do so, he was beaten off by the marauding beams of the Drachenfels’ deadly accurate lance turrets. Sirl was a loyal servant of the true powers of the warp, but he was no rage-possessed Khornate madman. He had served Grandfather Nurgle for centuries, and fully intended to serve him for centuries more yet. The ways of the Grandfather were slow and methodical, differing from those of the other Chaos powers, but in the end, all things fell to decay and corruption. The Macharius and the Virulent would cross paths again, he knew, and, when they did so, he would have his revenge. >Β  >After all, he mused to himself, had he not already taken steps to ensure that it would be so? >Β  >The Chaos thing shuffled through the darkness, leaving the lights and shouts of the enemy search parties behind it. There had been others like it amongst the boarding assault, it knew, others bearing the captain-champion’s plague gifts, but somehow it sensed that it was the only one to survive this far. >Β  >The cold, metal vaults and passageways of the enemy ship were unfamiliar to it, not at all like those of its own vessel, where the ri

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nasser408
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2022
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270 Mixing Secrets

I've just finished reading Mixing Secrets for the Small Studio by Mike Senior and it was an incredible read. Highly recommended for everyone. I know that not everybody's going to read it though, and I have made notes while reading it (though I highly recommend it, if only for the amusing prose if not for the huge amount of info that this guide omits), so I thought I'd share the wisdom. This is a bit long, but it might be valuable to some of you.

So here are 270 mixing "secrets" from the book:

How to listen

* Mix at low volume. Listen at different volumes.

* Cut low ends on everything except bass and kick.

* Use spectrum analysis to evaluate the low end.

* Take plenty of rest.

* Switch monitors frequently.

* Compare to good mixes. ALL THE TIME.

* Compare to good mixes - plural. You should have a reference for each aspect of your mix.

* Edit snippets out of the reference tracks, so you can switch quickly to the correct spot.

* Build a reference library, labeled by mix aspect.

How to prepare

* Before mixing, export stems, including midi. Mix in a separate project.

* When possible, do sub-mixes.

* Tracks should have meaningful names and colors.

* Use markers to mark different sections.

* Color sections and ranges of interest if your DAW allows for that.

* Before starting, listen to each track solo. Mark points of interest (problems to hide, gems to bring forward).

* For each track, define the frequency ranges that it would live in.

* Break vocal tracks, lead guitars, bass guitar etc. to different tracks by section as needed. (Multing)

Timing/pitch fixes

* Find the most rythmically tight track, straighten it out as much as possible, make it groove, then use it as a reference for all the other instruments, introducing them one by one, starting with the most rhythmically important, with a focus on maintaining groovitude.

* To judge if an attack is in time, you have to start listening two bars before it hits.

* Double-tracked instruments need their timing adjusted each track soloed at a time.

* Pay special attention to when notes (especially bass notes) end.

* To avoid obvious timing edits, make them:

- On silence.

- On noise.

- Pre-masked.

- Masked by another track (e.g. snare hit).

- In-phase.

* Once timing corrections are done on each track separately, re-listen to the whole arrangement, and move tracks slightly back or forwards to get the exact groove feel you're looking for.

On comping

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mux2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2021
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[Xbox] [H] Limiteds That People Might Be Interested In + Other Items At The Bottom [W] Offers

#All the limiteds are unpainted and sorted out by rocket pass and event series in order from 2017 and on, Lmk If I made a mistake plz.

#ROCKET PASS

RP1 LIMITEDS

  • Blueprint (Banner)
  • 3 Breakout Bobcat (Decal)
  • 12 Calculated (Antenna)
  • 19 Camo (Banner)
  • 15 Campaign Hat (Topper)
  • 3 Capacitor I (Wheel)
  • 5 Capacitor II (Wheel)
  • Capacitor III (Wheel)
  • 2 Capacitor IV (Wheel)
  • 10 Cloudburst I (Boost)
  • 4 Cloudburst II (Boost)
  • Cloudburst III (Boost)
  • 56 Cutlass (Topper)
  • Laser Wave II (Trail)
  • 8 Macaron (Topper)
  • 12 Mage Glass I (Antenna)
  • 6 Mage Glass II (Antenna)
  • 5 Mage Glass III (Antenna)
  • 8 Maverick Circuit Pro (Decal)
  • 3 Maverick Gale Fire (Decal)
  • 3 Maverick Jetstream (Decal)
  • 21 Merc B.B. Wolf (Decal)
  • Octane Dr. Thrash (Decal)
  • 8 Octane Space Cadet (Decal)
  • 5 Phoenix Wings I (Topper)
  • 6 Phoenix Wings II (Topper)
  • 4 Rhino (Wheel)
  • 3 Shark Attack (Banner)
  • 12 Siick Reads (Antenna)
  • 5 Troublemaker I (Wheel)
  • 3 Troublemaker II (Wheel)
  • 5 Troublemaker III (Wheel)
  • 3 X Devil Devils Advocate (Decal)
  • 4 X Devil Dot Matrix (Decal)

==========================================================================

RP2 LIMITEDS

  • 37 Alarm Clock (Topper)
  • 49 Breakout Nitro Circus (Decal)
  • Camera (Topper)
  • 27 Gamer Pad (Banner)
  • 10 Gold Plated (Banner)
  • 6 Juice Box (Topper)
  • 13 Mad Bomber (Topper)
  • 14 Marauder Alley Cat (Decal)
  • Moko (Wheel)
  • 40 Nitro Circus (Antenna)
  • 6 Pickle (Boost)
  • 5 Road Hog Quick Fix (Decal)
  • 3 Snail (Topper)
  • 12 Tread Heavily (Banner)
  • 5 Twinkle Box (Border)

==========================================================================

RP3 LIMITEDS

  • 23 Aloha (Banner)
  • Battle Axe (Topper)
  • Blueprint II (Banner)
  • 54 Breakout Easter Bunny (Decal)
  • 32 Fortune Fan (Antenna)
  • 8 Mainstreet (Wheel)
  • 11 Octane Quetzalcoatl (Decal)
  • 45 Periscope (Topper)
  • 105 Shamrock (Topper)
  • 44 Snare Drum (Topper)
  • 9 Sovereign (Wheel)
  • 62 Sticker Shock (Banner)
  • 2 Turtle Shelol (Topper)
  • 36 X Devil Disco Monster (Decal)

==========================================================================

RP4 LIMITEDS

  • 29 Avant Garde (Banner)
  • 34 Bell (Antenna)
  • 71 Big Checker (Antenna)
  • 21 Chequered Flag I (Banner)
  • 16 Dominus Funky Medusa (Decal)
  • 19 Dominus Whitewash (Decal)
  • 20 Floppy Disk (Antenna)
  • 67 Flower - Lotus (Topper)
  • 16 FLT (Wheel)
  • 16 High Poly (Wheel)
  • 12 Octane Conundrum (Decal)
  • 31 Octane Killer Griller (Decal)
  • 23 Paladin (Border)
  • 39 S'more (Topper)
  • 9 Shutterbug (Whe
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aimbotit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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REAPER 6.43 Released.

CAF

  • support reading/writing .caf (Core Audio Format) media files

Video

  • add OpenGL display output support for Windows and Linux
  • fix audio encoding with ffmpeg 4.4
  • add input_match() and input_matchi() helpers for video processors
  • allow setting take section/reverse in media item properties for video files with no audio or audio disabled β€’
  • improve synchronization behavior with output display offset and project varispeed β€’

Samplerate conversion

  • add r8brain free mode (courtesy Aleksey Vaneev of Voxengo)
  • reorder and rename various modes
  • improve dynamic varispeed playback quality

macOS

  • now distributed in three flavors: Universal (x86_64/ARM64), x86_64 optimized for macOS 10.14 and earlier, and i386
  • dark mode appearance tweaks for render status and media item fade menus β€’
  • fix dark mode default behavior on Monterey β€’
  • fix text label appearance after dark mode/light mode change on Catalina-Monterey
  • fix possible crash on exit when previously failed to load a VST3
  • fix video display issues when retina is disabled in preferences β€’
  • improve special-key binding mode focus behavior
  • improve cross-OS up/down/home/end key mapping compatibility
  • improve handling of numpad enter key
  • improve keyboard behavior in nudge window
  • improve video colorspace conversion support on arm64
  • improve keyboard shortcut descriptions in menus for various keys β€’

Media explorer

  • add action to focus search field, Ctrl+F/Cmd+F by default
  • add action to reset preview pitch
  • add configurable preview crossfade
  • add pitch/rate knob behavior options to options menu
  • always search in enabled metadata fields regardless of whether searching a database or file folder
  • add option to read file metadata if not already cached when searching file folders
  • display metadata for files during search, even if searching in metadata is disabled
  • fix possible crash after updating peak volume metadata β€’
  • force browser to refresh after completing search β€’
  • support editing some metadata for .RPP files
  • support running custo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goofball_jones
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2021
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SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anywhereiroa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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Cryopod Refresh 322: Confessor's Plight

The Cherubiim rockets from Hell Harbor's atmosphere into space, flanked by JΓΆrmungandr and hundreds of its other summons. It leaves behind a few dozen primordial lifeforms to harass and ultimately kill the Demon Emperors, but compared to the massive Volgrim armada, the demons no longer pose the Archangels much threat.

Despite thousands of kilometers separating the Volgrim fleet from Hell Harbor's atmosphere, the Cherubiim advances upon them at an alarming speed. Within seconds, its hundreds of summons crash into the fleet, ripping their mighty ships to fragments. Of the eight thousand vessels present, more than four hundred come under immediate attack, unable to back off compared to the Cherubiim's summons' superior acceleration and maneuverability.

Primordial Angels, Titans, and Dragons treat the Volgrim ships like Christmas presents, tearing them open to expose their insides to the vacuum of the Void. The Psions on board the nearest vessels fight back, ignoring the dangers of space thanks to their durable bodies deliberately designed and modified to unleash hell in even the deadliest environments. However, their fellow Technopath and Changeling Volgrim don't possess the same physical attributes. With almost none of them adapted to the harshness of space, they perish to suffocation at alarming speeds, assuming the primordial beings assaulting their ships don't kill them first.

The Cherubiim does not engage directly in the slaughter, but instead continuously conjures shields of divine energy to protect its summons and itself from the Volgrim's counter-fire. The Technopaths in charge of the fleet unload their ordinance as quickly as possible, shelling the phantasmal monsters battering their forward-vessels with reckless abandon.

"Gunners! Aim for the Titan-Class lifeform attacking our portside nacelle! Missiles, lock onto the Winged-Monster raking our engines! Shields, rotate frequencies!"

"Watch your crossfire! Send out the Psions!"

"We may die here, but we will still honor the Founders!"

Twenty ships explode into flames within the first thirty seconds of combat. So violent is the Cherubiim's initial attack that many Changeling Observers have to scramble to rectify the data.

"Confusion! Our scans only indicated the presence of a single Archangel lifeform! Where did these hundreds of others come from?"

"Unclear. Transmit additional data back to Volgarius. Request additional assistance from the Founders."

"Response negative. The Founders have alrea

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klokinator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2021
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A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic.

The nurse asked the rabbit, β€œwhat is your blood type?”

β€œI am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snc8698
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2022
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Patchnotes 01/19/2022 23:00 (UTC) Maintenance!

https://preview.redd.it/0gh5lprjgpc81.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9e6126be7a66bc4fbbe7fecd85bda24b78996a27

Hello you beautiful people!

NARAKA: BLADEPOINT servers will be suspended for maintenance from 01/19/2021 23:00 (UTC) to 01/20/2022 03:00 (UTC). We suggest that you log out in advance and enter the game again after the maintenance. Please be aware that you might lose ranked-points if you're still in a ranked-match and the server goes down!

The details for this update are as follows:

# Brand-new content!

I. New Hero: Wuchen, the Mystic Daoist

Born with the blood of both common mortals and the Heralds flowing within his veins, Wuchen was once scorned for his mixed ancestry. That is, until he began studying under the Heralds' leader, Omnius. The arduous, the years of pain Wuchen had endured, burned like a fire within him. They gave him the drive to push harder, and realize the mysteries of heaven and earth. Wuchen holds firm to one thing more than anything else: he is the one with the power to shake off these worldly chains.

II. Map Updates

  1. Added new locations 'Breezy Maze' and 'Dragonspine Yard', and some other architectures and natural landscapes.

III. Limited-time mode [Shadow Surge] returns

Available from 01/24/2022 20:00 (UTC) until 02/03/2022, 20:00 (UTC).

The Shadow Surge mode is back again for a limited time, with the following updates:

  1. Increased the number of Soul Altars on the map.

  2. Players now start with 2 different random melee weapons, instead of 6 as in the previous version.

  3. When players are defeated, Soulbloom Essence will be dropped into their Cairns left behind (as in The Herald's Trial).

IV. Limited-time mode [Eternal Blazes] returns

Available from 02/03/2022 20:00 (UTC) until 02/13/2022, 20:00 (UTC).

Along with Shadow Surge, Eternal Blazes mode is back again for a limited time, with the following updates:

  1. Players can now revive faster.

  2. Players are now given Pistols, Bows, Cannons, Repeating Crossbows and Muskets instead of receiving 3 random ranged weapons, as in the previous version.

  3. Players will get a certain amount of Dark Tide Coins when using different weapons to defeat enemies.

  4. The price of souljades and weapons from Rift Dealers are now priced according to their strength.

  5. The maximum party size has been adjusted from 2 to 3 players.

  6. Reduced the map size of the battle area.

  7. In this mode, all heroes can be select

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ayuki-Taeyun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2022
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What's the opposite of lady fingers?

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerJoe85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2022
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I’ve got this disease where I can’t stop making airport puns.

The doctor says it terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xIR0NPULSE
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2022
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Just because it's a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CzarcasmRules
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2022
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Blind Girl Here. Give Me Your Best Blind Jokes!

Do your worst!

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leckzsluthor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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I heard that by law you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justshtmypnts
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2022
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Puns make me numb

Mathematical puns makes me number

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tadashi4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2022
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So my mom is getting her foot cut off today.. (really)

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slimybirch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2022
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Petition to ban rants from this sub

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drak0ni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2022
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.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SupremePalash
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2022
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French fries weren’t cooked in France.

They were cooked in Greece.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2022
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This subreddit is 10 years old now.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frexyincdude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months?

He lost May

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toku-Nation
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2022
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When I was a single man, I had loads of free time.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2022
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You've been hit by
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2022
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Girlfriend got me good. Never been more proud of her.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mannheimd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2022
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My 4 year oldest favourit joke, which he very proudly memorized and told all his teachers.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2022
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I'm sick of you guys posting dumb wordplay in here for awards and upvotes.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diggitygiggitycee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2022
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As a doctor, I have never made a joke about unvaccinated babies before.

But let me give it a shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2022
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Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegetable-Acadia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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A coworker named Celcius recently retired from my company, so they hired a guy called Kelvin to replace him.

He’s the new temp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SolicitedTitPics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2022
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[V-3Archive] - Gympie (Part 1/4)

https://preview.redd.it/qvmjvgps9oc81.jpg?width=550&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56459f6a877139e977cf8b04957ebf3b2cb347d2

The Survey

The sun was just beginning to set as I rounded the final bend down the dirt track I had been searching for, my nerves were becoming ever more apparent, for what I was about to do isn’t exactly legal, a victimless crime, mind you, but one nonetheless.

After having arrived at the town of Gympie a couple of hours prior, I stopped off to grab a bite to eat and some last supplies then continued on east of the town site to an area of back roads and private property. I knew exactly where I was going but just wanted to ensure the area was as vacant as I’d hoped, I planned my trip via google maps but rural areas are often left for years without an update, not exactly the most trustworthy resource for surveying.

After a few minutes I approached the end of the track to a large turnaround, opening up from the dense Australian bush into a clearing and as I’d hoped, all that remained on the property were two dilapidated sheds, some broken fencing and a burned out car. No recent tracks save for my own confirmed its abandoned state and my nerves gradually eased, I doubled back a short distance and found a tucked away clearing, unseen from the track just to be safe.

After parking in the most inconspicuous way I could manage, I gathered my things, my torch, a pocket knife, a warmer change of cloths, about a days worth of water and some snacks for the trip home. Shoving these into my backpack, I locked up and checked the charge on my phone, plotted my route and set out. My destination: the famed Gympie Pyramid.

. . .

Less of a pyramid and more akin to a ceremonial mound, the name conjures up fantastic imagery, but the reality appears far more mundane. All that remains is a square-based hill about thirty meters high with a series of six terraces running up one face, with other smaller walls and worked stones scattered around the site. It has been a curiosity of mine for many years, but strangely having always lived but a few hours away had never visited it.

Reportedly discovered in β€˜75 by Rex Gilroy, fantastical claims were made including those of aliens, UFO landing sites and transportation vortices. This garnered the interest of many conspiracy theorists and revisionists while unfortunately discrediting the site in the eyes of contemporary archaeology.

An early study concluded it had been build by an Italian farmer

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaeyll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2022
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My wife left me because I couldn’t stop doing impressions of pasta

And now I’m cannelloni

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluestratmatt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2022
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Why did Karen press Ctrl+Shift+Delete?

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eoussama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2022
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Argument at family dinner...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottPowell567
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2022
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I just flew in from Chernobyl

And boy are my arms legs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JhopkinsWA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2022
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Steve JOBS would have made a better President than Donald Trump

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok-Ingenuity4838
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2022
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The Witch, the Vampire Hunter, and the Lunatic Part 20

β€œThis Forest is vast, wolf-child, and it’s roots run deep. You believe you are strong, but you do not know true strength. For even if a tree is cut down in the Winter, it will return in the Spring, all is a Cycle. Death is but a door to new Life.”

The haggard and decrepit looking old woman said prophetically from where she stood beneath a great oak tree that grew beside the mouth of a wide cave as Bannik approached with sword in hand, keeping his eyes trained on the massive swarm of buzzing insects that hung over the witch and the tree like a malignant cloud as he went. He had not taken a lot of time to imagine what his battle with this witch would be like when he entered the swamp, but even so, he had not imagined that it would have turned out like this. With all of his new-found companions scattered around him in the mud, beaten and battered by a forest with faces that seemed to be alive with a will of its own, while he stood alone before his enemy. Off to his right, Ivaar lay against a stone barely conscious with his left arm twisted and broken, his cherished axe left discarded in the mud by his side, while Shanks lay off to his left on his back in the mud, chest heaving as blood poured from his nose and mouth. All of the other men that they brought with them had been taken by the forest, some becoming mangled and mutilated corpses that while others left no trace behind.

Bannik approached the wicked crone before him with resolve in each step, despite the cold terror that had begun to rack his body and the loud, howling laughter of the demons that haunted his vision. They danced around him like giddy children in anticipation of his demise, their dark and deformed faces alight with pride and joy. He ignored them as he walked forward to meet the Witch face to face beneath the grand tree that disrupted the soil it grew from, as if it had sprouted up and grown into adulthood with a speed that defied nature. When he finally stood before the Witch, he spoke in a low growl, almost through clenched teeth.

β€œ I’ve come here to kill you.”

The Witch looked him up and down with an expression of deep contemplation in her ancient green eyes before she responded.

β€œYou’ve come to lay the foundation of your master’s demise, though you don’t know it yet. He cannot deny the Cycle forever, and neither can you. Your words are brave, wolf-child. But I wonder, does your body and spirit carry the same strength as your brave words? For you will need more than wor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCsinister765
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2022
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What do you call a woman who’s really good at darts?

Amy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinema_King
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2022
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My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick?

Put it on my bill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigRedHusker_X
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2022
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So 2 trees got arrested in the town I live...

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K1ll47h3K1n9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
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No gains
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ridi86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2022
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[Xbox] [H] Big List of Limiteds From 2017 and on + Other Items At The Bottom [W] Offers

#All the limiteds are unpainted and sorted out by rocket pass and event series in order from 2017 and on, Lmk If I made a mistake plz.

#ROCKET PASS

RP1 LIMITEDS

  • Blueprint (Banner)
  • 3 Breakout Bobcat (Decal)
  • 12 Calculated (Antenna)
  • 19 Camo (Banner)
  • 15 Campaign Hat (Topper)
  • 3 Capacitor I (Wheel)
  • 5 Capacitor II (Wheel)
  • Capacitor III (Wheel)
  • 2 Capacitor IV (Wheel)
  • 10 Cloudburst I (Boost)
  • 4 Cloudburst II (Boost)
  • Cloudburst III (Boost)
  • 56 Cutlass (Topper)
  • Laser Wave II (Trail)
  • 8 Macaron (Topper)
  • 12 Mage Glass I (Antenna)
  • 6 Mage Glass II (Antenna)
  • 5 Mage Glass III (Antenna)
  • 8 Maverick Circuit Pro (Decal)
  • 3 Maverick Gale Fire (Decal)
  • 3 Maverick Jetstream (Decal)
  • 21 Merc B.B. Wolf (Decal)
  • Octane Dr. Thrash (Decal)
  • 8 Octane Space Cadet (Decal)
  • 5 Phoenix Wings I (Topper)
  • 6 Phoenix Wings II (Topper)
  • 4 Rhino (Wheel)
  • 3 Shark Attack (Banner)
  • 12 Siick Reads (Antenna)
  • 5 Troublemaker I (Wheel)
  • 3 Troublemaker II (Wheel)
  • 5 Troublemaker III (Wheel)
  • 3 X Devil Devils Advocate (Decal)
  • 4 X Devil Dot Matrix (Decal)

==========================================================================

RP2 LIMITEDS

  • 37 Alarm Clock (Topper)
  • 49 Breakout Nitro Circus (Decal)
  • Camera (Topper)
  • 27 Gamer Pad (Banner)
  • 10 Gold Plated (Banner)
  • 6 Juice Box (Topper)
  • 13 Mad Bomber (Topper)
  • 14 Marauder Alley Cat (Decal)
  • Moko (Wheel)
  • 40 Nitro Circus (Antenna)
  • 6 Pickle (Boost)
  • 5 Road Hog Quick Fix (Decal)
  • 3 Snail (Topper)
  • 12 Tread Heavily (Banner)
  • 5 Twinkle Box (Border)

==========================================================================

RP3 LIMITEDS

  • 23 Aloha (Banner)
  • Battle Axe (Topper)
  • Blueprint II (Banner)
  • 54 Breakout Easter Bunny (Decal)
  • 32 Fortune Fan (Antenna)
  • 8 Mainstreet (Wheel)
  • 11 Octane Quetzalcoatl (Decal)
  • 45 Periscope (Topper)
  • 105 Shamrock (Topper)
  • 44 Snare Drum (Topper)
  • 9 Sovereign (Wheel)
  • 62 Sticker Shock (Banner)
  • 2 Turtle Shelol (Topper)
  • 36 X Devil Disco Monster (Decal)

==========================================================================

RP4 LIMITEDS

  • 29 Avant Garde (Banner)
  • 34 Bell (Antenna)
  • 71 Big Checker (Antenna)
  • 21 Chequered Flag I (Banner)
  • 16 Dominus Funky Medusa (Decal)
  • 19 Dominus Whitewash (Decal)
  • 20 Floppy Disk (Antenna)
  • 67 Flower - Lotus (Topper)
  • 16 FLT (Wheel)
  • 16 High Poly (Wheel)
  • 12 Octane Conundrum (Decal)
  • 31 Octane Killer Griller (Decal)
  • 23 Paladin (Border)
  • 39 S'more (Topper)
  • 9 Shutterbug (W
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aimbotit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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The Cryopod to Hell 322: Confessor's Plight

Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 1,328,000+ words long! For more information, check out the link below:

What is the Cryopod to Hell?

Join the Cryoverse Discord server!

Here's a list of all Cryopod's chapters, along with an ePub/Mobi/PDF version!

Want to stay up to date on TCTH? Subscribe to Cryopodbot!

...................................

(Previous Part)

(Part 001)

...

The Cherubiim rockets from Hell Harbor's atmosphere into space, flanked by JΓΆrmungandr and hundreds of its other summons. It leaves behind a few dozen primordial lifeforms to harass and ultimately kill the Demon Emperors, but compared to the massive Volgrim armada, the demons no longer pose the Archangels much threat.

Despite thousands of kilometers separating the Volgrim fleet from Hell Harbor's atmosphere, the Cherubiim advances upon them at an alarming speed. Within seconds, its hundreds of summons crash into the fleet, ripping their mighty ships to fragments. Of the eight thousand vessels present, more than four hundred come under immediate attack, unable to back off compared to the Cherubiim's summons' superior acceleration and maneuverability.

Primordial Angels, Titans, and Dragons treat the Volgrim ships like Christmas presents, tearing them open to expose their insides to the vacuum of the Void. The Psions on board the nearest vessels fight back, ignoring the dangers of space thanks to their durable bodies deliberately designed and modified to unleash hell in even the deadliest environments. However, their fellow Technopath and Changeling Volgrim don't possess the same physical attributes. With almost none of them adapted to the harshness of space, they perish to suffocation at alarming speeds, assuming the primordial beings assaulting their ships don't kill them first.

The Cherubiim does not engage directly in the slaughter, but instead continuously conjur

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klokinator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2021
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What starts with a W and ends with a T

It really does, I swear!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychedeIic_Sheep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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