Like when I used a mouse for the first time it just clicked!
Only driven from time to time.
He did every other thing on the list
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
But they had naan.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
The pharmacist says “but you’re a duck, how are you going to pay for that?”
The duck says “it’s fine, just put it on my bill”
But it ended on a high note.
It was a small price toupee.
Also me: I don't think it was that great, and neither do I!
Tod.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
They are more organ-ized
But it was worth every penne
It was as big as the last two combined!
Key Of C.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
I got chills..they're multiplying.
....and it also shortens your workday.
Now he can even look at himself in the mirror.
but dad jokes are by father best
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
They said no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow
There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."
His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"
"Okay son, go ahead."
The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."
His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"
The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."
Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.
"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because they're great at pyramid schemes!
In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?
PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.
I just don't think the kids should be given homework.
It's pointless.
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
We have a dad-abase full of them.
I said it's when they're really tired after swimming too long, they can use them to walk home instead.
Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".
(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")
Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....
I suggested Yoplait.
.. really only driven from time to time.
