Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C.
Short videos on youtube are called shorts, so long videos must be....
I really hate when movie franchises drag on for so long they end up nothing like the original. Take The Xmen, for example..
Why do self conscious people take so long to pick out a pair of sunglasses?
They're concerned about the optics.
Wanted to use this one for so long!
The wife and I were honeymooning at the beach in North Carolina and a plane was flying over the water. She asks me what kind of plane I think it is. I reply, "looks like a mail plane." She asks how I can tell. I reply, "can't you see its little balls?" Thank you, Three Amigos!
Joe - "Hey Mike, sorry it took me so long to come over I decided to walk". Mike - "Why didn't you ride your bike?"
Three months without a haircut, my hair has gotten so long I’ve been brushing it straight back to disguise its length. Today my wife asked, “Are you ever going to get a haircut?”
I replied, “I’ll mullet over.”
My granddaugter today (she's 8) How did the man breath underwater for so long without help?
He put a glass of water on his head!
It's the first time I have been able to see and hug her in over a year, and she made me so proud!
*Edit: So many typos in my title.
My dad lives long distance, so we text often. He got me with a good one this morning;
I recently had bone surgery in my left pinky, so I've been keeping him updated on the recovery. I sent him a photo of my swollen bruised purple pinky and he says, "Okay so none of that looks right. Is it your left hand?"
My son took my joke and turned it in to a long con prank. So proud!
True story. Yesterday he and I were peeling mangoes to make popsicles and ice cream. The peeler caught the tip of my finger and cut my nail just to bleeding short. So I yelled ow! And everyone said what!?
I showed them my finger and as they cringed I said - well I guess whoever gets the fingernail wins a prize!
Grossed out and groaning at the dad joke everyone walked away.
So the fingernail did not come off no one will really get it…but… wait for it… my son (11) in true +1 dad style humor says I’m going to put a piece of rice in one! I said oh son that is so good let’s put a piece of rice in each of them!
I was floored and I can’t wait for people to hit the rice grain while licking their popsicles and remembering “the fingernail”!
The other day I was stood in a queue for the barbers, the line was so long they started handing out burgers and hot dogs.
Best barber-queue I’ve ever been too
Why did the billiards player take so long to take his shot?
He was waiting for his cue.
do you ever sit for so long that your butt hurts?
its a real pain in my ass
Why do doctors always make you wait so long?
Because they know you're patient
I remember standing in solitude, at the end of the long landing overlooking the Pacific Ocean - this disembodied voice was urging me to jump, so I did...
I never could stand up to pier pressure.
I hung around so long that I won the loitery.
I've been wearing this mask for so long, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get rid of it.
Have you ever wandered why it takes the President so long to complete a sentence when he speaks?
I guess he’s just Biden his time.
My son's nails grew so long
I just clipped two feet of toenails
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..
Why did it take so long for the chicken to cross the road?
There was no eggs-press lane!
My wife asked me why I spent so long on the toilet today...
I told her there was a backlog.
Knew an bird watcher who lived so long he saw every bird except one. On his deathbed he was asked if he thought he used his time well
He said he had no Egretes
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...
Why did it take Russia so long to invade Germany?
Do you know why giraffes necks are so long?
Because their head is so far from their body
After a long hike to the top of a mountain, my wife asked me, “So what do you think of The View?”
I said, “Whoopi Goldberg is ok, but I don’t like the other women on the show.”
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.
She did not hold Up well.
I was wondering what's taking them so long to count all the votes in Nevada
But I realized it's because their work is Neva Dan
Haven't got laid in so long I'm getting turned on by Dwayne Johnson's buttocks
I think I'm hitting ROCK BOTTOM
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Why do circles spend so long at university?
It's not easy getting 360 degrees!
Why did the president-elect wait so long before deciding to run for president?
He was just Biden his time
Why do melons have to wait so long to get married?
Why did it take Joe so long to win the election?
I just got back from a long day of duck hunting, so I decided to put my feet up and have my favorite snack.
Detective Holmes: "Watson, what's taking so long in there?"
Watson (constipated): "No shit, Sherlock."
Friend 1: So how’s your long distance relationship going?
Friend 2: So far, so good
"Back so soon? I thought you went for a haircut, dad?" asked my son. "Well..." I replied. "My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused."
"I couldn't accept all those perms and conditions."
I've been stuck in lock down so long I've started writing myself letters
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because it’s head is so far away from it’s body.
Why is a giraffes neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body...
Why is a giraffes neck so long?
because their head is really far away from their body
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet?
Because he spends years at C!
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