We're half way there.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
I said, “I know. This trebuchet is amazing. Go get our daughter.”
Me: "Are you free tomorrow?"
Dad: "No, I'm 5 bucks tomorrow."
What did James Bond do before bed
He went under cover
I've learned next to nothing.
The catapult worked well
But I got that one hands down.
...it’ll be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
You’d think someone would have seen it coming
Gotta start somewhere
Because it isn’t even.
They're not to scale.
Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman
But then I realised I had the binoculars the wrong way round
More of a thot experiment really.
My daughter was meeting Daisy Duck at Disney world this morning and Daisy was signing her autograph book. I mentioned to the Disney cast member who was taking the photos that I didn't know that Daisy was left handed. The cast member said "Maybe she's ambidextrous" to which I replied "I think you mean ambiDUCKstrous".
Then it hit me
I'm going to cancel my membership on this low stakes UK gambling website.
🎶 That's me and the coroner 🎶
Apparently, Mum's the word.
English and Spanish.
The Trump administration is making a game out of getting Latinos out of the country, they call it deporte.
Spanish heathens have to pay extra to preforn their ceremonies. Pagan rituals
What sci-fi weapon does the King of Spain prefer? A rey-gun!
Do you know how many times anyone had to tell me how to say 'eleven' in Spanish? Once.
Exclusivamente en español (Perdón por errores gramaticales)
Qué comida es el mas mojado? El agua-cate
Cual comida no puede decir una mentira? La verdadura
Como se llama un libro sobra la revolución? Libre!
Qué es exactamente una mejor que Beyonce? Beydoce
Cual animal siempre tiene un novio o novia? El Parejaro.
Cual comida es el menos diverido? Aburrito.
Sobre que papel de pelicula de Madonna no le quiere hablar? Evita!
Quiero que me digáis mas. Nunca tengo suficiente bromas!
Because speed is limited by band width
They live under Iraq...
At work, there was a metal catering tray filled to the brim with cold water sittin' around for no reason so I asked the receptionist/coworker, who has said repeatedly that she just can't stand me, if I should dump it. She looked at me, smiled and said "If you can." I responded "without spilling it?" In a 'of course I'm not going to spill but dont rule it out' way. She said "Yes." Silently giving me good luck. Fortunately, I done did the deed and no brand new flooring was harmed. I then proceeded to google water jokes. After that, I walked up to her desk, glanced into her soul for the slightest moment while greeting, "Hey Sarah" , then I swiftly looked downwards as she asked, "Yeah?" I THEN told her this, "I don't know about you but unlike that cold water I just dumped". I pause, regain eye contact and finished with, "boiling water will be mist."
Which sucks because he had a great fall.
I was with a friend in the mall, we wandered into one of those stores where they have cute Japan-ized versions of everything. We were looking at some overly cute plush round pillow-esque versions of Spongebob, Dora the Explorer, and Spiderman.
My friend picks up Dora the Explorer and says "Man, she's not supposed to be round, what is this?" I instantly came back with "Come on man, it's a-Dora-ball."
I was so proud I've been telling everyone and I figured you guys would appreciate it.
which is why you never hear about Buffalo Uno or Buffalo Dos
"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"
Is Owen. Ans really who is that guy? All i know is that so far i have hear Owen goal for 5 different teams
So this group of Irish monks needs to make payments on their belfry, and they've begun to run out of money, so after racking their brains for a few nights, and trying everything they could to get some cash together, they decide to sell flowers to make money. For weeks they sell flowers, and it's going well. Too well in fact, they've begun to run the local florist, Patty O'Flannigan out of town. Well, a bit cheesed at the monks jumping in on his territory, he decides to confront them. He asks them to step off, politely, but they simply respond that, "That's no way to talk to men of God!", and throw him out of their monastery. For weeks this goes on, the monks selling flowers, and the florist getting more and more desperate to make them stop. Finally, he goes to Hugh Mactaggart, the biggest, baddest man in town -- he could get anyone to leave town -- so Patty decides he's the best way to get rid of the monks, gives him the rest of the money, and retires to bed, wary of the results. In the morning, a knock on his door reveals Mactaggart, offering a firm handshake and saying, "They shant be botherin' ya again Patty." The moral of the story is, Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Because of the higher-key
Most days I find the work very taxing.
Dad: "So far so good, but I know it's soon gonna turn to shit."
It's getting a little over the top.
[removed]
I said, “Yeah. The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.”
But then I realised I had the binoculars the wrong way round...
