This one time when I was still a kid, my younger sister got very mad at me for making silly noises. To show our parents that her ensuing fit of anger wasn't as annoying as my goofing off, my sister said,

"Well at least I'm not walking around the house going "Hurgerbgehbh blurgeblegh blurgega, hurr dee hurr, derr!"

To which my dad said,

"Yes you are".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JTCMuehlenkamp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Did you know Sean Connery still makes movies? He only shows them to his sister's daughter though.

Yeah, they're for a niche audience.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joba_Fett
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
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Was talking to my sister about the show Castle

Me: What happened on the last episode of Castle?

Her: I don't remember, hmmm

Dad: The moat broke

Us: What?.... Ohhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riversfan17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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I was hanging out with my sister the other day and she showed me a meme. I had not idea what it meant so I asked her

β€œwhat does it meme?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-bonas-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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2 priests walk into a vampire

One says "Quick show him your cross"

The other priest crosses his arms and says "I'm so disappointed in you"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theoriginalclarky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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A joke I told today!

My sister shows me lipgloss

Sister: this is Paris Hilton’s lipgloss

Me: why would you steal that from her

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jokemachinegun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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My sister tried showing my dad a picture of her Christmas decorations

His response: Carol, stop! I dont need the nativity in my life

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Two34five
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
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I hate myself...

My sister is watching this show called "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" and I just overheard her reference a joke they made.

It went something like this:

"I thought you were in Iowa"

"Iowas, but now I'm back"

I want to watch this show.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilanoCookiez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Not so much a Dd joke, more a Grand-Dad joke.

When my Mum and her sisters were younger, in an attempt to keep them quiet for half an hour, he told them to sit down next to each other so he could do their portrait. Every now and again he would stop, look up and to ensure he had the correct scale, held out his thumb and squinted a little, then continued.

After half an hour they got restless and said "Are you done yet, let's see".

He turned the drawing pad around to show...a simple sketch of a thumb.

Not a Dad yet, but thankful to have this trick up my sleeve for when I am.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCaptainOats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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Had to pick myself up off the floor after this one..

So here in the UK we have a game show called the cube were contestants complete challenges to win cash. On Saturday night a contestant came on and she only had one hand. She walked away with Β£20k.

My sister comes out with she has enough money to buy a new hand now and my dad lays this one on us almost instantly

'she'd have to go to a second hand store'

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKeenski
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2014
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My dad went to the doctor because he was constipated

And in the waiting room he found a chart with the qualities of a "good poop". It said that one of the main qualities In the best poops are that they sink. They don't float. So he comes home and shows us a copy of the chart.

Literally like 10 mins later my little sister comes out of the bathroom screaming that she had a great poop because it sank "just like the titanic".

My dad wastes no time and run into the bathroom to check on the toilet and looks at me with a face of satisfaction that told me he was gonna do it. Then he said it:

"That's some good shit right there".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordOscarFedz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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My father, the comedian.

Joke 1:

My sister was talking with my dad about the show β€˜I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant’ and she went onto ask β€œhow do you accidentally make a person?” And without missing a beat, my father looked her dead in the eye and replied with β€œI accidentally made three.” With the most serious face I’ve seen in my life.

Joke 2:

My sister, dad, and I were in Wal-Mart one day and in passing the toys, we found those circular beanie baby things with the big eyes. So, my ever impressive father grabs a special edition Chewbacca toy, pretend bites it as though it’s an apple, and says β€œHuh, this is a... Little Chewy!”

There’s more, considering he’s a Dad, but those two stand out the most to me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theashtonjay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 268
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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Mom got me with this one...

So my sisters are going to see a show because they got it as a gift and my mom was discussing where she wanted to go to lunch with me.

Mom: So where do you want to go to lunch?

Me: Outback if that's alright with you.

Mom: I could have steaked my life on that.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacobhilker1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
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As far as I know

Was watching a show with my sister that I had already seen. One lady was believed to be dead and when she was found alive, my sister asked, "how long has she been alive?" I shot back with "as far as I know, her whole life!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VikingFashion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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Two in a row...

My dad - to this day - delights in embarrassing my sister and me any chance that he gets (of course). Though, admittedly it's much harder for him to do now that we're adults, but he still tries and sometimes succeeds.

My favorite thing he ever did: he took my sister and me out to eat and when the waitress came to our table he said, "Let me get this straight, my son can get anything on the menu that he wants?!" She said, "Well, yeah, of course." Then he threw the menu on the ground and with a shit-eating grin asked her to stand on it.

My sister starts laughing and said, "Dad, you're nuts!" Very quickly, he looked down like he was looking for something and said, "What, are they showing?"

I think that was probably his most masterful dad moment. He embarrassed me, then my sister and confounded the waitress all in the span of 30 seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffypuckerfish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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I'm so proud! My son has pulled off his first Dad joke!

It was so wonderful, it brought a tear to the eye! His sister got home from a friend's house when he showed her a package of Turtles he bought for her. Her immediate response was " Score!! Without missing a beat, he said "Actually, those are Turtles"

I've never been so proud!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/popswhalen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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The Hall of Deans

So my dad, sister and I all went to go and visit my grandmother (she got moved to hospice this week) at the hospital, and on the entry way it showed a Hall of Deans for the Sanford Medical School/Hospital. Like four busts all in a row. My Dad, whose name is Doug goes, "God, all four of them were named Dean? Where's the Hall of Dougs? Sign me up!"

He had tears coming out of his eyes. I love my family.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwingingSalmon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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SO and I got my sister multiple times

We're out of state visiting my family. My sister (13) was being Moody and argumentative all day. By the time we got to dinner she was just glued to her phone. So, I took her phone, and say it in front of my SO. she pleaded several times to get her phone back, and I kept saying no. So, she started asking my SO.

Me: M | SO: SO | Sister: S

S: Can I just see my phone?

M: Picks up and shows it to her What colour is it?

S: ugh.. White. Duh.

M:, Good. Good. Then you can see it.

S:, Drawn out sigh

*S's phone buzzes

S: What does it say?

M: Samsung.

D: will you [SO] turn it and read it to me?

SO: rotates phone 90Β° Still says Samsung.

S: whhhhyyyyy???

Phone buzzes again

S: flip it over, and read it to me

SO: grins flips twice Samsung.

S: Are you on her side?!

SO: of the table

S: Uuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Edit: Format

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xlusciniolax
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2016
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Got my mom just now

My mom and I were talking about how she was inspired by the show Tiny House Nation. (For those who aren't familiar, it is a show about downsizing, and living in a more eco friendly house). She was describing her ideal layout, how she would live with her sisters and how there would be sleeping quarters for their children (me being one of them) to visit.

I naturally chimed in with "That's alright, I just need a sleeping nickel". She chuckled, then groaned. I chuckled, and posted it here!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stonersebass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
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My dad got dadjoked my 7 yr old sister

I've been in a car all day waiting to get home to tell this one. As we were driving down the road, we pass by a pasture full of hay bales when all of a sudden my sister yells out "hey daddy!" My dad responds with a generic "yes?" To which my sister replies with "oh, I was just showing you the hay over there." I love my sister.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cthomasm1994
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2015
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Sister in law is gonna be a great dad.

I was showing my wife and sister in law this video of a girl that had painted pants on and walked through NY. At the end it showed a close up of the front and you couldn't even tell it was a bare vagina, it just looked like jeans. My wife shakes her head and says "That's nuts!" And without skipping a beat my SIS says "no, I'm pretty sure that's a vagina".

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saywh4t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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Two for one on my sister's new phone

My sister was showing off her new iPhone to my dad and me, since she finally broke her old phone after owning it for two years. I asked what happened to the old phone.

Sis: "Oh, I dropped my 4c and it broke the screen."

Me: "So you didn't foresee it happening?"

She rolled her eyes. My dad laughed, I laughed. I asked what she upgraded to.

Sis: "I got a 6s, it's the newest model."

Me: "So your day was a success?"

My sister was not pleased, but my dad was losing it, and he shook my hand. I think I have his blessing to become a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jordykins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
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My dad just told this one at the dinner table. I was the only one that got it.

Dad talking to my sister Dad-Maybe after your swim meet we can take you to the zoo. Her-What? Dad-Once they see your swimming they will want to put you in the dolphin show He then proceeds to quietly chuckle to himself.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheltoro
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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Got my sister while playing Mario Kart.

My sister and I were playing Mario Kart on the Wii U, and after her squeezing the Wiimote for 4 races, the imprint of the "2" button started to show on her finger.

Her: "Ow. It looks like I have a wii injury"

Me: "It looks pretty big to me"

At least I came in first.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_RoundCube_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2015
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Sister got dad joked hard watching TV

My sister was watching Chloe and Courtney: Take the Hamptons crap show on E! And my dad walks in and drops this:

"Chloe and Courntey take the Hamptons? I hope they bring it back."

~groan~

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/momshotdad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2015
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Old School Dads Tell Jokes Too

So I Have never been close to my dad because he is old school. You know, republican, really catholic, really fit, clean hair cut, big sports fan, etc. He can be funny but really only shows his fun side with the little kids in the family or his brothers.

Well my little sister is incharge or answering the house phone and when she was younger this happened a lot:

Sister: hello?(pause) hangs up phone Dad: who was it? Sister: nobody Dad: oh, i told him to stop calling. Well what did Nobody want? Sister: What ? Dad: you said Nobody called, i asked what he wanted. Sister: Nooooo, nobody called Dad: i know he called, what did he want

This would go on for a while

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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Riding in the car with my parents and sister

My sister was showing me some pictures of her prom-dress. I said it looked like something out of game of thrones, but she didn't agree.

Me: "Oh well, it's not like I know that much about dresses anyways."

Dad, from behind the wheel: "As long as you know how to UNZIP THEM!!"

I high fived him and my mother and sister looked disgusted.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarred_Ballsack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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