Emphasis on laundry rotation
Who never does the laundry?
Did you hear about the thief on the run for stealing laundry detergent?
…he’s wanted for his ill-begotten Gain
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Every time I hang out my laundry, the song "Nine to Five" starts playing...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Sun dried laundry is always...
People find laundry therapeutic...
... because it takes a load off their mind.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry puns
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My son never does his laundry so one day I got fed up and told him "If you don't start cleaning your clothes I'm going to leave you all my dirty clothes in my will!"
Sorry, just had to heir my dirty laundry
I just called GameStop Customer Service...
They asked me to please Hold. 💎🤲
People call me self-centered...
But that’s enough about them.
I'm starting a service helping people break up with their significant others over dinner
Why does Utah have such poor cell phone service?
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president
Because I am washing-a-ton
I'm on a journey to self-improvement.
I just need someone who can drive me there...
for free.
What do you call a self-employed cheese tester?
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are
Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch
... And George Harrison.
What do you call a president that has to do a lot of laundry?
Me: "Excuse me, can you show me where the self help books are?"
Librarian: "Well, that would kinda defeat the purpose, don't you think?"
I noticed something about my nipples that makes me a little self-conscious...
Is it normal for the left one to be bigger than the other two?
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
People call me self centred...
But, that's enough about them.
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?
Scientists has discovered in the desert a cactus that's needles are so hard to see there almost transparent. I says to my self...
That cactus must really like making her points clear.
How does a salad begin a religious service?
A man wrote a highly influential self-help book about caring for your testicles.
What do you call Clint Barton when he does the laundry?
A river is just a cloud based streaming service...
Channing Tatum is starting a new internet service company.
It's called Channing Tatum Channeling Datum.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel
What does a grizzly say when he calls customer service?
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
I started a bird food-delivery service in my neighborhood
I thought I might have a parasite so I sprayed my self with a cheap bug bomb.
Now all I have to show for it is a nervous tick.
Ever heard of the god with low self-esteem?
Asked my kids this morning to bring their laundry and separate it into whites and colors. My son holds up some grey sweats and asks which pile.
My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.
The very first self-driving vehicle was invented by the Amish in the 1700's...
..the horse was great, the car was a little buggy.
Why does cryptocurrency customer service sucks?
Because all they do is hold
My mom’s sister runs the local candlelight services for the community
Why did the sculptor realize creating a self-portrait bust was a bad idea?
Because he got a head of himself.
How much fun is doing laundry?
The Final Catholic Service
The Final Catholic religious service right before the world is destroyed will be held in an ICBM silo.
They'll have Critical Mass.
My dad was ready to roll in on the jokes when coming to pick me up after school in his "DIY self-driving" car. Everyone knows though...
Most people know 'SCUBA' is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, but did you know 'TUBA' is also an acronym?
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Why can't Welshmen be in the intelligence services?
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
My wife and I were having this huge argument as to whose turn it is to do laundry.
Finally, I threw in the towel.
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