I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?
They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
I had to quit my job as a deep sea diver instructor.
The pressure was too much.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
Mine would just say "I'm glad you enjoyed my free Willy and we had a whale of a time, but we need to sea otter whales."
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
Where do large sea mammals go to get their body mass measured?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
I had to cancel a boat tour of a Norway cliff-wall sea inlet.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
What do orca whales at sea world use to wash themselves?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
To my surprise, my physician was the Mediterranean Sea
I guess Cβs really do get degrees
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
If the seas are rising so much due to climate change
We should start calling them B-βs
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
Itβs going to be a Nessie job, but letβs get Kraken!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 29 2020
A man who lived by the sea grew a cucumber so large he was able to turn it into his house.
One day a storm flooded the area with seawater and damaged his home... now he's in a pickle.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
What should you do if youβre addicted to sea weed?
π︎ 94
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
Sent my dad a nearby dive photo of sea lions in kelp & told him it made me officially excited to do local/non-tropical dives... his reply?
Well, that seals the deal!
It got a good laugh out of me. Photo here for the curious.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 20 2020
I lost my wife to the sea.
She said I wasn't a shore thing,
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 22 2020
What happened to the sea after meeting the ocean?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
I was going to spend Friday night studying stinging polyps that spend major part of their lifetime attached to rocks at the bottom of the sea, but a couple pals wanted me to go bar hopping...
With friends like that, who needs anemones?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 08 2020
What did Abel say to his brother when he saw a big storm approaching from the sea?
Hurry Cain you donβt wanna get caught in that.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 31 2020
It ap-piers to be the sea-son for sea puns
π︎ 229
π
︎ Mar 17 2019
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it π€
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 17 2020
Itβs easy to be the best tavern beneath sea level...
...thatβs a really low bar.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 15 2019
Had a dream last night that I was drowning in a orange soda sea...Took me awhile to figure out it was just a Fanta sea.
π︎ 192
π
︎ Dec 18 2018
This poor sea creature hit an iceberg !...what happens next romaines to be seen.....
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 07 2019
When I went to the Dead Sea my wife came up behind me and pushed me in. Everyone who saw it thought it was hilarious.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 07 2019
Salmon are born in a river, swim out to sea for most of their lives, and then one day years later swim back against insurmountable odds to the very spot where they were born.
And I canβt find my car in the parking lot.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 22 2019
OMG, I can't believe Trump wanted Turkey to reveal it's tactics for capturing eight-legged, two-tentacled sea creatures!!!
He tried to do it squid pro quo.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 14 2019
What did Justin Timberlake say when the lead singer of Weezer asked him to name a major peninsula on the northern coast of the Black Sea?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 24 2019
I was urchin to keep scrolling down this thread, but you sea, I kept herring that the puns got more and more carp.
v.redd.it/ypd18apxdu531
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 22 2019
What did the sea say to the sand?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 15 2019
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish always wanting to participate in PDAs...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 17 2019
My friends are urchin me to go sea Aqua Man. Water you guys' thoughts?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 18 2018
A young-looking sea captain comes on deck to greet his crew for the first time and one man blurted out by accident, "He's a baby!"
The captain responded, "No shit, I used to be a seaman."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Apr 21 2019
I've decided to do volunteer work with an organization that builds homes for sea creatures.
It's called habitat for huge manatees.
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 20 2019
A Marine Biology student was compiling a list of all the sea creatures they could find on Wikipedia. The next day they handed it in to their Professor, who took one look at it and said..
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 07 2019
I decided to start a chain of money changers operating on ships at sea.
We always gotta keep watch of the changes in currency.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 02 2019
What did the river say to the sea?
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 18 2018
What did the sea bord say to the other sea bird when he asked where they would land?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 09 2018
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 15 2019
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 30 2019
what did the sea say to the shore
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 21 2019
What did the sea monster say to the comedian?
π︎ 808
π
︎ Jun 11 2015
What did the sea say to the sand?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 14 2018
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