What did the soldier say to General Sherman when he was asked to do something

"Sher-man"

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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If you hear something, say something

I originally posted this in r/MaliciousCompliance, but several commenters thought it would be good here as well. I hope this isn't a re-run for too many of you.

This was years ago when my son was starting middle school. I was transporting him and a group of his new friends. One of the friends was French, and spoke French at home. My son mentioned that I had taken French in high school, and so one of his friends asked me to say something in French and see if French girl could understand me.

Before I go on, a note on parenting style: we joke around with our kids all the time. I know that not all parents joke with their children; some of my kids' friends enjoyed to a dad who makes a joke, and some would look at me like I grew a second head.

So I said to the French girl, Β«quelque choseΒ». Immediately the friends turned to French girl and asked "What did he say?"

I waited, wondering whether she would join my joke.

A sly smile crept across her face as she said, "he said...something". The rest of the trip, the friends tried to convince her to reveal what it was that I had said. Β«quelque choseΒ» is the French phrase for "something".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mermaldad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I’d say something sweet about the new Jacket I got for Christmas..

But I don’t want to sugar coat it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspectorPK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. β€œSomething for this I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

β€œSomething I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

β€œThat’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. β€œI’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

β€œMaster Yoda!” he asks. β€œWhat did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, β€œA Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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If you have something urgent to say to your magician friend who you can only communicate with via mail...

You better use a Penn & Teller

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rustyironbuckets
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I just wanna say Something funny

Something funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/miserable_guyy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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I could say something about NRA and MAGA,

But it would probably just turn into an ANAGRAM joke,

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Whenever I say something, I’m right 98% of the time

The other 3% is when I do math

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?

me ghosta

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πŸ‘€︎ u/c_h_a_r_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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What does a cannibal say after eating something good?

Tasty

cal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegitCheese
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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What do you say to someone who has been on the moon when you feel bad about something?

>You Apollo-gize

(From my son today, he has improved astronomically over the past few years.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waremi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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What does Putin say when something doesn’t go his way?

β€œWell....Soviet”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shump23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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This is definitely something my dad would say
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KhaoticKorndog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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What did the black panther say when he saw someone doing something weird?

Wakanda shit is this?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bl3kBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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It's my cake day people say i have to post something funny

Something funny

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xephonx
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Can I say something here?

Plethora.

Thanks. That means a lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BargleFlargen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Wife told me to say something if I stopped to look at stuff while shopping.

β€œSomething!”, I yelled at her. Warning: use at your own risk. I was smacked with a flip flop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kranolta-Killer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Something my dad always says

Gravity is a downer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tonyd0822
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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I gonna say something deep

Subterranean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frankengeek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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What will you say to Putin when he is being late for something?

RushPutin

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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My middle school once had an anti-bulling activity and our teacher all told us "If you see something, say something!"

The blind kid didn't say a word for the rest of they school year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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I was going to say something comical about eggs.

But no one would get the yolk.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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What did the small fish say to his friend after he told him something important?

Thanks for letting minnow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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I wanted to say something funny about the cocaine business...

But I didn't want to crack a joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slyth3r1n
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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I've got something to say, it's pretty dirty though.

Laundry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurboAxolotl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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What did the spanish talking cow say when someone does something nice for him?

MOOOO-chas gracias

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Menukid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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When I hand somebody something I always say...

"I really gotta hand it to Ya."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I'm gonna say something... But it's very deep..

Mariana Trench

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4rtian19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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What does a pig say when they steal something?

Yoink

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πŸ‘€︎ u/revyn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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If I were to say something about all women...

...would it be a broad generalization?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sambarnwell
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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The one eye says to the other, "between me and you, something smells.."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keenan316
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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Every time my wife does or says something stupid...

I tell her to stop being a small island off the South West coast of Italy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackIs01
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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The fireman was injured on the job. Some say he was pushed, some think something fell on him.

I think it was the latter.

(Thought up this gem while trying to sleep at 3 am. lol.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benevolent_Sinner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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My son's ant colony died and he wanted me to say something at their funeral.

I said restaurants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phariohasdiarrhea
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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If you say something in bed, is it a blanket statement
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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What does the fish says when it hit something?

Dam!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realuka
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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My doctor says I need an operation, but I can't afford it. I asked the doctor if it was something I could do on my own.

He said, "suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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What did a hydroxide say when he finally understood something?

Oh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrius1st
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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My girlfriend told me she hates the noise I make when she says something cute.

At least she's being aww-nest.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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When I ask questions about constipation, everybody says it has something to do with human crap. But the truth is, it has something "not to do" with human crap.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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Every time my wife says or does something stupid...

I tell her, don't be a small island off the South West coast of Italy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackIs01
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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