Nothing says "oH lOoK aT mE" like someone playing a tuba.
Fucking attention horns.
I used to date a comedian. I have nothing bad to say about her...
she's a stand-up gal.
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?
”I can clearly see you're nuts....”
What does a race car driver say when he has nothing else to say in an argument?
Mph.
I would leaf a joke here but I have nothing intreesting to say
A wise man once said “it’s better to say nothing at all”
An even wiser man didn’t say that
An evil French chef mixes Kryptonite in their treats and flings them at Superman. Batman arrives on the scene but does nothing, allowing Jimmy Olsen to catch the pastries in a net, at which point Superman saves the day. It’s like they say:
Not all heroes snare crepes.
A guy walks into a doctor office wearing nothing but underwear made of clear plastic wrap. The doctor takes one look at him and says...
"Well, I can clearly see your nuts!"
A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag. Trainer walks up and says "what gives?"
Boxer says "I'm exercising my rights"
Nothing says "Christmas" like cheesy puns. (Sorry for triggering the PTSD of any retail workers)
Nothing says 'I'm a mute'...
Quite like...well, nothing.
Tax audit guy: It says in your file that you have money for nothing and checks for free.
Man: Am I in trouble?
Tax guy: Yes. In Dire Straits.
I want my epitaph to say, "nothing"
Because nothing is set in stone
What do sheep say when they have nothing to do?
This is baa-ring
People say nothing in this world makes sense.....
But perfume companies do.
They say Nothing is impossible.
Well, that's not true. I can do nothing all day!
Nothing says relationship...
...like a family cruise.
Nothing says false enthusiasm like...
"Cheap Spirits"
Wife says "let's not get high blood pressure, that's nothing to mess with it causes strokes"
To which I responded "Poor Michael Phelps". She said, "Why". "All those strokes" I replied with a huge grin.
Something different happened this time...instead of "UGGGGHHHHH" she snorted, laughed uncontrollably, and said "well I walked right only that..."
