Currently in the process of uniting a kingdom
Did you ever hear about the police unit that had a drug duck instead of a dog?
It was excellent at detecting quack
To all the members of this subreddit, an open letter:
News channels when Boris Johnson visits the Queen of the United Kingdom...
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
For some time now, the Church of Scientology has been trying to prevent one of its most outspoken members from saying anything too embarrassing.
They call it “Cruise Control”.
Watt is the unit of power?
A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
I was once a trusted member of a totally secret cooking society. But they kicked me out..
..for spilling the beans.
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
Mick Jagger killed two members of a rival band...
Killed two Byrds with one Stone
The queen liked my girlfriend so much, she immediately made her an honorary member of the royal family...
She was really empressed!
Why was the church song leader so happy when a member of her congregation was killed in a car accident?
The deceased was an organ donor.
If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...
it would be a fully automatic machine pun.
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
Which member of the Addams Family loves dead memes?
It is Wednesday, my dudes.
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
What unit of measure do pirates use?
What's the opposite of Manchester United?
How do the members of Blink-182 like to eat their hummus?
With naan-naan naan-naan naan-naan naan-naan-naan-naan!
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom
The worst spellers in the animal kingdom are Pterodactyls and Gnats.
It may be a bad joke but at least it’s PG
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Why would a member of The Muppets be arrested?
How do you call an army unit of babies?
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
The three members of the *cult*ery
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
I have a plan for a new side-hustle. I’m gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded ‘Lola’ and ‘You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...
She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
I found the mushroom kingdom.
I am TOADally content now
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
And Jesus said "come forth and win the kingdom of heaven!"
But I came 5th and won a teapot.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
What rock group has only four members and none of them sing?
The Secretary of State will be Biden's first confirmed Cabinet member.
After all, the Republicans can't say no to A. Blinken!
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
What do you call the kings and queens of the beverage kingdom?
The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden
He’s assembling his cabinet.
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