TL;DR: A recent experience with sexual assault has made me reevaluate my relationship with sex and realize that for a long time I didn't feel like I had any right to assert boundaries, didn't really feel like my consent mattered (especially once sex had been initiated), and really just never felt like my safety/comfort was something that should or could be prioritized in sex. I had a fair amount of casual sex, often involving alcohol, and one experience that I had never thought much about but that suddenly stuck out at me as really weird/troubling and maybe assault/rape. On the one hand I feel like I have an opportunity to grow and have more positive sexual/romantic relationships in the future; on the other hand, I'm struggling to process/make sense of these past experiences, and have a lot of regret/confusion/shame/etc attached to them. If anyone on here has looked back and seen similar patterns, I'd love to hear anything you're comfortable sharing.
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Full post (sorry it's so long):
A couple months ago I was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance when he thought I was asleep. One of the things that was initially hard to process for me was that I'd always thought of myself as someone who doesn't take intimacy very seriously, and that I should be able to get over what he did because it was "just touching." I even kept going back to a thought that I should have just pretended to be into what he was doing, because then maybe it would have felt less violating and we could have brushed it off as an awkward hook-up. But my continuing feelings of fear and discomfort made me aware that he had crossed a boundary I hadn't even allowed myself to realize I had.
As I tried to process what happened (with the help of friends and a therapist) I started thinking more about my relationship with consent and boundaries, and I realized that with maybe the exception of my first relationship in college, I never really felt like I had a right to withdraw consent or state a boundary once sex had been initiated. I would often go along with things that I didn't actually want to do because I saw no other option.
I had a fair amount of casual sex and rarely thought about whether it was something I actually wanted. I think I did this largely because I felt like that was what a "liberated" woman should do (i.e. don't make a big deal out of sex); because I didn't truly believe I was desirable and thought that maybe if I had enough sex I'd finally believe I was; and because
... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’ve been saying ‘I’m going through a depressive episode’ for months now.. I started off sad, crying a lot, and now I’m totally apathetic. I just want to be in bed and sleep. I went to Disneyland and felt no happy joy, no nostalgia.. didn’t enjoy anything.. like I am not capable of enjoying anything, I only experience negative emotions right now and they are muted.
I know I have decisions to make about my future career- and fast, but I don’t know what to do, and when I start thinking about it, my brain goes into a catastrophic tailspin and it’s exhausting.
I go to work, I come home and fall asleep on the sofa in front of the tv.. I can barley summon the energy to get to bed. During my time off, I hardly get out of bed, I don’t change out of bed clothes and I don’t shower or wash my hair (gross, I know).
I just can’t be bothered to look after myself or think about anything beyond the exact moment I’m in.
My relationships are all a joke. I started reflecting on how shit all of my friendships, etc, are.. I decided I am the problem. I 100% have an avoidant personality type with some obsessive compulsive PD tendencies. I hold people to impossible standards. I can’t just relax and enjoy the company of other people.. I don’t judge people for who they are, but I do judge people to a moral standard, because it’s part of my core belief system.. people always tell me what a ‘good person’ I am.. and I feel like it annoys people, like I’m ‘too good’, like they think that I think I’m better than them.. and it pushes them away. I don’t even feel like a good person! I just don’t understand why people don’t care MORE.. when I start ranting about something to my colleague, he looks at me with this blank expression and I think the whole mental health service is doomed (that’s the OCPD going strong there- I clearly know best, haha).
Anyway, I lost my best friends this year because I tried to assert some boundaries. I’ve reflected on the situation recently, and realised she was using me all along, she never really like me.. so when I stood up for myself, she couldn’t be bothered to deal with me and my annoying OCPD-uptight self and took my other friend with her. I’m an avoidant, so I wasn’t going to beg for their friendship and that’s why all of my friendships have fizzled out and faded away over time.
The most recent ‘friend’... I gave too much.. again. I expected some care or sensitivity in return, because I expect people to be honest and decent (as a standard) and
... keep reading on reddit ➡I looked on the FAQ but didn't see this. I'm not to FIRE yet, but want to be well prepared (even if this is two years early--I've come to realize you can never be too early but you can be too late far easier than you think) for any withdrawals ahead, since I may be semi-FIRE or even "yikes, we don't have jobs and need the money now!" mode after summer 2019.
What I mean by right way are issues like this:
- Timing I. Do you sell off some assets at the start of the year, convert them to cash, and just spend that down? Or do you do half as much every six months? 1/12th as much every month? You get the idea.
- Timing II: How much does what the market is currently doing affect your decision?
- Type of asset sold. Is there some preferred order of which types of assets you would sell? Stock ETFs vs. bond funds in a brokerage account. Or 457b withdrawal vs. brokerage account withdrawal. Post 59.5, the other retirement accounts becoming options (or sooner, if you are doing some of the techniques discussed here).
- Anything else to keep in mind?
Basically, I want to imagine it is my "first day FIRE'd" and I need to top up my bank account. What do I do?
Title
I’m going through Kratom withdrawals right now. I started lowering my dose about a week ago, then down to 1/2 teaspoon doses. I really started feeling the withdrawal symptoms, shaky leg syndrome three days ago... I thought the worst was over, but I didn’t sleep a wink tonight, tried everything, but I simply cannot sleep. However, I also really cut down to no doses earlier tonight, so maybe that’s why. Its not horrendous, but its not that fun either. Should be getting past all of this soon, I hope. I’ve been going for about a year straight, with very few breaks. A few times I cut back my dosage though, but never really stopped completely for any length of time until now. I can’t afford any more at the moment, so I had to stop this week.
I think I’ll take a good long break before I buy more kratom, but I do like the stuff, so I may start again eventually.
I'm just worried about security. I barely want access to it myself. I figure it's a good time to get in on it, so want to get it sorted ASAP for when I'm ready to go.
Thanks for the help. Looking forward to being a hodler.
This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 51%. (I'm a bot)
> BRASILIA - Far-right president-elect Jair Bolsonaro said on Wednesday that he pushed the Brazilian government to withdraw its offer to host the United Nations climate conference next year, maintaining that Brazil's sovereignty over the Amazon was at stake.
> "I told my future foreign minister to avoid hosting this event here in Brazil," Bolsonaro said.
> Bolsonaro has threatened to follow the lead of U.S. President Donald Trump and yank Brazil out of the Paris climate agreement, which was the reason, along with high cost, Bolsonaro gave for not wanting to host the November 2019 conference.
> Last month, the Foreign Ministry announced Brazil's offer to host the event in a press release, saying the meeting would work out final details of the Paris agreement and for signatory countries to fully implement its demands by 2020.
> Hosting the event would have confirmed Brazil's "Role as a world leader on sustainable development issues, especially in relation to climate change."
> The environmental group Observatorio da Clima said on its website that the decision to withdraw its offer to host the event is "Not the first and will not be the last awful news from Jair Bolsonaro on this theme."
Summary Source | FAQ | Feedback | Top keywords: Bolsonaro^#1 Brazil^#2 host^#3 climate^#4 event^#5
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