Next level stuff right here
Looking for just the right place to hang this.
You can't do this to me. I know my rights!
From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
I am craving several different Italian desserts right now.
Too bad I cannoli eat one.
Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right...
....and the other person is the husband.
What has 2 hands, a face and is only ever right twice a day?
Know what my grandfather said to me, right before he kicked the bucket?
"How far ya think I can kick this bucket?"
The right way of flirting
According to the second amendment, I have the right to bear arms
Now what do I do about the rest of the animal?
They just don’t taste right!
I had to have my right arm amputated....
I mean, he is right though
I know Bill Gates is going through a tough time right now.
I just hope he will accept my cookies.
I don’t really mind sitting on the left or right of a rowing boat.
Two skunks were named In and Out. One day, In went missing. Even though he was deep in the forest, Out found him right away. When asked how he did it, Out replied
My Grandmother: Right, I’m off!
My Grandfather: But I can’t smell that you’re off!
Constitutional rights at stake.
You're damn right it will
What did the keyboard say when the gamer went backwards, left, and then right, directly into lava?
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.
They wanted to live an adventure without equal
Two guys were arguing. One of them had only a left hand and one had only a right hand.
After a while, the left handed guy realized that the other guy was right, so he left.
How did the Romans make sure they nailed Jesus to the cross in exactly the right place?
they drilled a Pilate hole.
At camp this year, I had to ring a small bell right at daybreak...
If you don’t succeed at rugby right away …
You know, the CEO of IKEA was elected the prime minister of Sweden. Wanna know what he’s doing right know?
I recently learned that two wrongs don’t make a right
But two rights make a plane
What did the dying cowboy say right before he shuffled off his mortal coil?
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house.
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house. It was about 11pm and Susan was snuggled up to her Mother next to me in our bed. After a few seconds of Lori saying something soothing to our 9 year old she was holding, saying something like 'its ok, its just a little storm, we are safe...', I call out to our older 12 year old in her room just next door.
"Sarah!?" I called to her, in my normal tone to get her attention.
"Yeah? What?" She responded.
"Was that you?" I called back.
After a long pause Sarah replied "No Dad. That was thunder!"
I could not stop laughing.
What does a Trekkie priest say right before he dies?
What did the right lung say to the left lung?
r/NatureIsFuckingLit, right?
So this plane takes off, am I right??
...I guess not every joke lands
Apparently, schools will now run from September right through till July with no holidays....
It's a long term solution.
Research shows that left handed people waste more food than right handed people
Otherwise, rightovers would be a word.
So I was talking to my mom at dinner, and she was saying how she talked to her friend right before, so she told me “I called Ryan earlier...”
Confused, I said “Why’d you call him earlier when his name’s Ryan??”
I swear, I put it down right over there!
Right before he kicked the bucket, my grandpa said to me:
"Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
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