What do you call a unicorn that loses its horn?
What do you call a cow with horns?
What do you call an expert wine taster from the horn of Africa?
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints!
I got my car horn fixed at a Lion King themed shop called Scar's Auto Body.
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
What was a very common name in the middle ages?
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
What do you call a unicorne with two horns?
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?
10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm ‘Em will last a week.
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, “I’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Oh the tangled web we weave ...
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
I got dishonourably discharged from the Navy yesterday for accidentally boarding a different vessel.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.
It was a toot and car moon.
Whoever invented the knock knock joke should get a prize.
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
I don’t mean to toot my own horn
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
What's the difference between Iron Man & Aluminum Man?
Iron Man stops the bad guy, Aluminum Man foils their plans.
Me: Sorry I'm late. I broke down on the way to work.
Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?
Me: Car?
Whats the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke?
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.
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.
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The direction the first letter faces
At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder..
..to find exactly 32 of them.
DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
Today, I'm attaching a light fitting to the ceiling. I've never done it before.
I'll probably screw it up.
My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?
Have you heard of the disease that causes horns, spots, and hooves?
Scientists and doctors agree it's caused by a mootation
What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..
Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.
Looking for just the right place to hang this.
Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is???
Every time I ask someone, they tell me "it's private."
I just got hired at the guillotine factory.
I'll beheading there soon.
Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...
But Bill kept the Windows
What is the fastest growing city in the world?
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
People who don’t know the difference between entomology and etymology…
Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
What the fuck has happened to this sub!?
http://m.imgur.com/ImM3RWz
I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I replied "the count from Sesame Street."
They told me, "he doesn't count!" I replied, "I assure you, he does."
Sorry for being too lazy to look but does anyone remember seeing the joke on this sub about the chiropractor?
Someone posted it about a weak back.
I went into the pharmacy and asked the assistant, "What is the best thing for killing germs?"
"Ammonia cleaner." She replied.
I said, "Sorry, I thought you worked here."
What’s the difference between a sharply dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
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