Regularly ordered Puns

Me: Nope!

He hops onto a barstool and asks the bartender for a club sandwich and a pint of Guinness , the bartender says "WOW! A talking duck" he is very surprised but gets him his sandwich and pint anyway

The next night the duck comes in and hops onto a barstool and asks the bartender for a club sandwich and a pint of Guinness, the bartender says "WOW! I wasn't dreaming about the talking duck, he came back again" and gets him his sandwich and pint

Once again the duck comes back again the next night and orders his club sandwich and pint of Guinness, the bartender is fairly normalised to the duck now and gets him his sandwich straight away

Over the next week the duck comes in everyday and gets his regular order of a pint of guiness and he and the bartender become good friends, one day the bartender saw an advert for a circus on his way to work. When the duck comes in and orders his club sandwich and pint of guiness the bartender tells him about how he would do great in the circus. The duck doesn't understand and asks the bartender "what would they want with me, I'm only a brick layer"

After ordering a drink (in an attempt to not feel awkward about asking a 30-something for an ID)...

 

waitress: "Sorry, but can I see your ID? I'm a big ID person."

me: "I've only got a regular-sized ID. Will that work?"

 

Then my wife groaned and said, "you're going to post that on the internet, aren't you?"

Yes, yes I am.

This older man that comes in regularly to our taco shop came up to me to order some tacos to go.

Tacos are $1.25+tax on Tuesdays.

He orders 3 tacos, I say it's $4.09.

He says " 409? Damn, I forgot my cleaner at home"

He just started laughing and walked out.