The Ice Chest

First post in puns. Said this awesome thing, wanted to share. We were in Chemistry class, a notoriously freezing room.

I said "man, it feels like your ice chest in here!"

She said "my ice chest?"

I said "yeah, you have a nice chest!"

And she looked at me like I just said a terrible pun. In reality the pun was awesome.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OuterPace
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Which kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thishotleafjuice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of tea hits the hardest?

Reality

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/multiplefroggs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My 7 year old proudly said dad I double knotted my shoe.

I said, "You did not." She glares at me, "Yes I did." Me, "You did knot." She grudgingly accepts reality and stomps away, head shaking.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmackz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
With so much madness in the world today, I'm trying hard to Compose myself...

But I'm going to need a minuet to get a Handel on things, so please Holst on. There's no Haydn from reality, even if I can't stanza much more. I'm guessing the current madness originated in Britten - possibly during the Brahms age. Alas, I'm so Bizet writing my Chopin Liszt I will have to get Bach to you later when I'm Abel to compose my thoughts on how to overcome. GRRRRR.... I keep forgetting to purchase rainbow Schubert and must write that down. I also have to fix my microwave which Baroque earlier today when my son tried to Satie some vegetables. I do wish he would've refrained. Oh, I still have to go to the Barber as well. But, I digress... Once the madness calms down I hope y'all can Ravel in the moment. If you don't understand it, though, that's okay - it's all Grieg to me and I don't want to cause y'all any additional Strauss.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog likes to whine, he thinks its pitiful.

In reality, it just sounds paw-thetic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StrugglingGhost
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
They say you shouldn’t trust the media because that influences how you see the world...

In reality, you can’t trust light bulb manufacturers because they only show you what you want to see.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oftenoffend
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Most people think the name Dracula cough comes from the way dracula would hold his Cape in front of his face

In reality it's because he is an expert in coffin

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD

to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.

The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.

Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Poortio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Some people say that when a pepper is really small it's a sign that it is very hot...

...but, in reality, it's a little chili

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vishnURS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
...of Suspense!

https://old.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/98oik0/my_wife_thinks_im_lazy_but_in_reality_im_a_master/

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Romnonaldao
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad was looking a little discombobulated, so I asked him, "Hey pop, you alright?"

I knew he had snapped back to reality, at least in his world, when he replied, "No, I’m half left!”

πŸ‘︎ 219
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
🚨︎ report
The man who has lost his sense of feeling is going mad

He is going out of touch with reality

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens at the end of Game of Thrones?

Stark reality

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pavanrk1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been torturing my daughter, vol. 4

The fourth album is often the best.

Credit to the original submitters. Thanks for keeping me funny, dads.

EDIT: Black Sabbath, Paranoid, Master of Reality

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffevans
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
🚨︎ report
O2?

In an alternate reality, Cesar lived to be an old man. One day at the Roman Retirement Forum, he saw his old friend, Brutus.

He picked up his bellows and asked, "O2, Brute?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikilt22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2017
🚨︎ report
What’s the hardest type of tea to swallow ?

Reality

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife got me good

So we recently moved from the desert to the coast. The house we moved in to is just up the street from the what we call the bay, everyone else calls the river, but in reality should probably be classified as a sound.

well while exploring the area, we were taking in all the sights and sounds and smells and wildlife. The dialogue went something like this.

me: look at all the trees and birds and seagulls

wife: and bagels

me: .................bagels? where do you see bagels? looks around for truck or store of some kind

wife: the bagels

me: wtf are you......i hate you

Edit: since people don't seem to get it. Baygull

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/otp1144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My first joke- the day my daughter was born

My wife was complaining of constipation- when in reality she was in labor. "Can you pick me up an enema or suppository?"

Without skipping a beat, I said "of course- sit tight!"

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Victorious10
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad's Origami joke

Dad: Did you hear about the new reality show on origami Me: No why are they making a reality show on origami Dad: I don't know its on pay-per view

πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mallthus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Dating Drama

I went on a few dates with a girl who works at Macy's. We chat a lot and then she sprung a weird question on me. She said, "my boss thinks you're cute and wants your number. Should I give it to her?" I told her I'd prefer to keep dating her and not her boss, but if she just wanted to be friends, then she could give her my number, which she did.

When I told this story to my dad, he said, "you could date both of them at the same time and choose the most interesting one." I said, "that sounds like that could be a reality show" and without missing a beat he said, "yeah, it could be called Macy's Date Parade."

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tolerantlychaotic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
🚨︎ report
After having my long hair for the last few years, I finally had most of it cut off

Friends and family seeing my new hair cut for the first time have all asked me the same question:

"Oh, you cut your hair off?"

"No", I respond. I let them struggle with an internal dilemma, doubting reality, wondering if they were losing touch life, until I finally respond, "My hairdresser cut it off."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebacon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2015
🚨︎ report
While discussing my 2 hour delay for work with my wife...

Me: The delay was cause they said it was icy. (It wasn't icy at all in reality)

Her: Icy, my ass!

Me: I see your ass, too ;)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_turdy_south
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2016
🚨︎ report
On discussing my approaching college graduation...

Dad- "Knock, knock"

Me- "Who's there?"

Dad- "Reality!"

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rbart65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Dadjokes: The final frontier

My astronomy teacher tends to ramble, so when he goes off on a long tangent, I browse Reddit. I was looking at /r/dadjokes when he all of a sudden asked me a question about an article in our book. I was a bit dazed, but I snapped back to reality and answered his question. I guess that I had spaced out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Riku2k12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
🚨︎ report
Let's play a game

We were watching a reality show called Oak Island when my dad said, "This would take a turn if they'd misheard and its actually Poison Oak Island. (Cue dad laugh)

But it got me thinking about a game I saw on Hollywood Game Night where they merge someone's last name and someone's first name. Like Bruce Wayne Gretzky. I find that hilarious.

This is my game creation: merge a well known phrase with a TV show, movie or other media that completely changes the premise of the media in a funny way.

First contribution: Tie Die Hard

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/katfacekillah
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
So my Dad told me he got a new girlfriend.

I was catching up with my Dad over the phone and he said "Hey son, I got a new girlfriend." "Really Dad? What does she do?" "She's getting her own reality show soon, It's called Sixteen and Pregnant." "......"

After my long pause he couldn't quit laughing to himself.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBroHo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
🚨︎ report
What kind of tea hits the hardest
          Reality
πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onion-volcano
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kachary
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaulmejitesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality~

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/exorcist2018
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the hardest Tea to swallow?

Reality

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsman12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.