Asking for a man's best friend.
They would call it crucifact.
Sign language.
They’re sometimes stuck between a rock and a hard place
And I thought he was a theoretical physicist
Elrond: "What's Pippin short for?"
Gandalf: "He's a Hobbit."
I said I gave up and started walking home.
^(disclaimer: am not a dad)
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
"That's what they're fighting about."
What a waist.
So there was a man who considered himself the greatest fighter in the world. Every time he got in a fight growing up, he'd win, and it would never even be close. Eventually he ran out of people in town to fight, and he decided that he'd travel the world, looking for all the best fighters, and beat them in combat.
He travels to Japan, China, India, Russia, France, Ireland, going all about the world, fighting everyone who thinks they're the best fighters in the world- and beats them easily. There's no real sense of competition, he just defeats every challenger in humiliating fashion.
But travelling the world looking for the best fighters takes a lot of time, and there's always another person thinking that they're the best fighter in the world, so he issues a challenge to anyone in the world who thinks that they're the best fighter to come to his house and fight.
The day arrives, and HUNDREDS of people have shown up. All of the best practitioners of all the world's martial arts have shown up. There's a group of judoka from Japan, Israeli Krav Maga artists stretching out on one side of the room, the Muay Thai artists are doing light striking to warm up- everyone seems represented here. The guy who started all this says "OK, there are a lot of you here, and the only way we'll be able to finish this today is if we group you all up by discipline, you all form a line, and I'll beat each of you in turn."
So he starts with the wrestlers, who line up one at a time. One at a time they come at him, and none of them last longer than a minute before having their shoulders pinned to the ground. Not only do they all get beaten, but it seems like this guy is actually winning his fights faster as the day goes on! Some of the fighters from the other disciplines watch this display, and they start leaving.
The guy looks at his watch, and realizes that three hours have gone by in fighting the wrestlers. So he gestures to the Muay Thai artists and says "I'll now fight you, but I'll fight you four at a time!" The Muay Thai fighters figure they can knock this guy out quickly, then settle the honor of who the best fighter is amongst themselves, so they line up four by four, rush in, and in a flurry of elbows and knees, they all end up knocked out on the ground. Four by four the Muay Thai fighters rush in, only for this guy to remain standing after all of them. This is intimidating to the other fighters who are watching, and more people start heading home.
H
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Those who can count, and those who can't.
"What about Eeyore?"
94% of them replied “Get out of my shower!”
But three rights make a left
It makes scents when you think about it…
The bird den of proof fell on him, after all
Then you’ll all be sorry.
It was a pyramid scheme.
Most of them are just brit-ish
…they’ve been practicing long enough
They were spectacles!
I told them it’s faux real.
They're all packed and ready to go, they're at the gate now, and they're off.
EDIT: Thankyou everyone for getting me through this Friday these puns have been ridiculously on form except the one guy that tried to offer counselling advice on a joke thread 🙈
I'm gonna have to turn in my too-weak notice.
Eventually we realized that we were maid for each other.
Its not the end of the world
He's a Fizzician.
11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
I watched it and it’s obvious that everyone there is a paid actor!!!
Towels.
He told me to ask my Grandad!
Who am I to dis-a-brie?
Sign Language
I was told that he was a Theoretical Physicist.
All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist!
All this time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist
They would call it crucifact.
