Question 1 Puns

I said " Chucky Cheese"

An askhole.

I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.

I helped him tweak the setup a little, and then I had him tell his momma. I laughed even harder when she sat in stunned silence for a few seconds and then busted out laughing with her hands over her mouth.

We explained to him that while the joke was not wholly appropriate for his age, it most certainly was funny.

I am currently in the hospital. I had a back operation yesterday. The surgical nurse came in my room and started asking questions about my back. She asked me if I had any falls during the last year. I responded just one. It was after summer.

She laughed and said in 20 years of doing this she never was told that joke.

One of the main driving factors in this decision was, in the event of someone saying anything along the lines of “wait, you play violin?” I would be able to respond with “yeah I fiddle around with it.”

I waited eight months, EIGHT. MONTHS. for someone to say to me “you play violin?” Then, it finally happened. It was the perfect setting: five of my coworkers were sitting around a table having drinks after work and one of them mentioned the fact that I have a violin. And there it was, the question, exactly as I had imagined it: “Wait, EmergencyTaco, you play violin?” Months of preparation had led to this and, without missing a beat, I responded “yeah, I fiddle around with it.”

He replied “Oh. That’s cool.” And then the conversation shifted. Not one of them got it. I spent $600 for nothing. Nothing but crushing disappointment.

At the last ultrasound appointment they asked me if i had any questions

"What's your return policy?"

Me: Why of course, son - and sometimes even khakis or chinos if the parents are more stylish.

[Made up by me on the spot in response to my son's question about their biology unit in science class].

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

A man wakes up feeling confused, disorientated and groggy. As his eyes begin to focus he realises that he is in a hospital bed and there is a man leaning over him looking concerned. “Oh good, you’re awake, it was touch and go for a while there. Pleased to see you back with us. Do you mind if I ask you some questions, just some routine stuff? Can you tell me how many fingers I’m holding up?” The guy nods and focuses on the doctor, takes a deep breath. “Err, th- er, thirteen??!?” “Correct, you’ve been in a terrible accident, three of these are yours.”

So there is a commander in Scottsdale PD named Commander Coffee, and today I asked him, in a serious tone, "Hey Coffee, can an I ask you a question?" And he responded with a serious "Sure Joe, what's up?" And then I asked "If the mafia ever put a hit on you, wouldn't that mean that they are trying to ice Coffee?" He giggled and was like "Wow, that was actually pretty good." Then continued on his way to the police side.

My third grade son handed me a worksheet today, two days after Father's Day. He says he filled it out last week but just remembered. The whole thing is wonderful and an identity thief's dream! Here's what I think you allllllll would want your children to think about you if asked a certain question. So proud. http://imgur.com/gallery/PeB6OOS

$100 ! Isn't that a bit expensive I asked.....Yes it is he replied, now what's your 3rd question.

scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.

I am asking two of my girlfriends to be my bridesmaids and wanted to word the question in a punny way related to their careers- one is a first-year medical resident and the other is a law student. I would like to flatter them/make it funny. Any and all ideas are appreciated!! If there is a better sub to ask this question please let me know:))

The egg is smoking a cigarette. The chicken says, “well, I guess we know the answer to THAT question!”

Just floating the question out there.... Can anyone give me a tip?

Me: hey babe, I mustache you a question

Hubby: ok but just so you know, eyebrows google. And if you ask me too many questions, eyelash out.

Me: lol post that on r/dadjokes

Hubby: I mean I would, but I feel like everybody already nose

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Two. The real question is, how did they get in there?

Out of Nowhere.

Explanation: I asked my five year old this question to tell a joke I’d seen on Reddit. His answer was way better than mine so here you go, dads!

Child asks him a question in French. Dad replies, "Hmmm. That sounds Greek to me."

True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:

Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, let’s see if you studied for the test...

Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)

Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?

Patient: No

Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?

Patient: No

Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?

Patient (sometimes): Yes

Me: Do you know the results of the test?

Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative

Me: You don’t know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)

Patient: It was negative

Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)

Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)

Me: Dad jokes have to happen... 🙂

/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh

I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”

A lot of the questions I was stumped on.

He immediately popped the question.

I did some yardwork yesterday and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case. Time for another beer.

, but I'm not one to question it, and I can't deny it was great Serenghetti.

His question was, "Is 'buttcheeks' one word?"

"Or should I spread them apart?"

I said I would triangle back to that question later on.

Trick question — there's no such thing as a fronco.

Every week, I had an appointment with a doctor where they would ask me about my health. They would ask me the same usual questions. This is how it would go:

Dr: Do you get a dry mouth?

Me: Yes but I drink water to compensate.

Dr: Any issues with hearing?

Me: Sorry?

Dr (louder): any issues with hearing?

Me: Beg your pardon?

Dr starts laughing

No questions asked.

https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1

Who thinks they're punny?! 😜⠀⠀I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.⠀

I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love 🔥

I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.

"Hey, can I cashew a question?"

so I asked the model to pose me a question.

Son: what did the fig say to the table?

Me: I don't know, what did the fig say to the table?

Son, angry voice: Hey! I'm asking the questions here. You FIG-ure it out.

Edit: thanks for the silver, I'll tell the boy in the morning!

Edit 2: explained to my son about the up votes and awards. When he heard that someone spent real money to congratulate him for the joke, he said he bets it was his grandparents. He's excited y'all enjoyed it.

DEECH’s last name was ICKEN and though DEE loved him dearly when they got married, she didn’t want to take his last name. So she decided to keep her own, which was YEG So here’s the question: On their wedding night when they made love, who do you think came first DEECH ICKEN OR DEE YEG?

Alright so yesterday at dinner my mom and dad told me and my sister that they decided that we would indeed drive to Florida and stay there and rent a place for a few months. The home they picked out is in the same community as my grandparents, I am all happy about this except for the part where we have to drive 1000 miles over 15 hours of driving. So anyway after my sister and I ask some questions about the place he says “did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet, but most have four”

when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?

Reception said they had a doctor on staff.

The doctor asked me lots of questions and I was then feeling much better.

I told reception I didn't expect a hotel would have a doctor on staff

They said it was a Spanish Inn Physician

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

I told him that’s an outstanding question.

An askhole.

I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.

I helped him tweak the setup a little, and then I had him tell his momma. I laughed even harder when she sat in stunned silence for a few seconds and then busted out laughing with her hands over her mouth.

We explained to him that while the joke was not wholly appropriate for his age, it most certainly was funny.

What was the question??

Dad: To avoid such questions!

When you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?