https://preview.redd.it/nggrnif2f7381.png?width=1301&format=png&auto=webp&s=bf9f68388360df24a6315b1dbe7f0f7352ef8a30
To briefly explain what will be an extremely lengthy post, alchemy appears to be a major theme in Elden Ring. Many other games and fantasy works borrow from the rich concepts and symbolism of alchemy and the magnum opus (the Great Work), but the influences in Elden Ring are so pervasive that the inhabitants of the world literally have alchemy references coming out of their asses (i.e., the Gold-Tinged Excrement item). There is a lot to examine, so I’ll cover the major points up front.
- The Elden Ring logo can be compared to alchemy-related diagrams of creation/universal connection such as the tree of life, seen in numerous mythologies, and the Ripley Scroll, which illustrate the achievement of the fabled philosophers’ stone.
- The player’s journey from lowly Tarnished to golden lord corresponds to alchemy’s magnum opus, where lead is literally or metaphorically turned to gold.
- The “bloody wolf” identity of the Tarnished mirrors that of alchemy’s “grey wolf” (antimony), a “cooperative metal” capable of purifying gold.
- Elden Ring’s Godrick and his kingdom Limgrave are symbolically linked to the first stage of the magnum opus, nigredo (darkness, decapitation, lion and serpent images).
- Item descriptions point to lore that correlates with other important processes in alchemy, such as dissolution, separation, and the “chemical wedding.”
- The leaked early concept map >!can be seen as a crucible containing the four classical elements and bearing signs of the seven alchemical operations to complete the magnum opus, as shown in Basil Valentine’s Azoth diagram.!<
- Elden Ring’s fingers-and-hands motif can be connected to an alchemical diagram called The Hand of the Philosopher, which itself can be connected to ancient art objects like the Hand of Sabazius and the Egyptian two-finger amulet.
If you are of the opinion that looking too hard for clues ahead of time can spoil your enjoyment later, viewing any of the posted content is not recommended. If you are interested in deep analysis that doesn’t know when to stop, read on. This post will bring in outside resources to compare with publicly available information. No leaks will be discussed or shown, with the exception of the widely circulated early concept art of the full map (which is too interesting to pass up).
Update: I have taken a closer look at Elden Rin
... keep reading on reddit ➡https://preview.redd.it/bjhjspjkqxa81.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=9b619e31ffb1a8c3c9617b94cf3c8f20a1474675
**Abigail Brand (Commander of S.W.O.R.D.)**5-Star RarityAffiliations: Heroes, Mutants📷 📷 📷
“Half-alien with mutant powers. Constant planner. Passable conversationalist in many extrasolar languages. Abigail Brand knows what it takes to deal with [CLASSIFIED] as well as [ALSO CLASSIFIED] and [SERIOUSLY, VERY CLASSIFIED]. From her S.W.O.R.D. space station The Peak, she protects Earth from galactic threats… and protects the galaxy from us.”
(Abilities listed at level 255, followed by 450)16427 Health / 66029 Health
📷 190 |📷 29 |📷 217 |📷 244 |📷 27 |📷 32 |📷 121 |📷 4.0x📷 761 |📷 115 |📷 870 |📷 978 |📷 105 |📷 124 |📷 484 |📷 4.0x
Peak Performance – 8 Purple AP
Abigail Brand calls on the S.W.O.R.D.’s space station The Peak for a debilitating assault. Deal 1860 damage. Choose a basic tile to become a 2-turn Repeater tile that destroys 1 enemy AP in the chosen tile’s color. (Max level 7475 damage)
(PASSIVE) Once per turn, when a friendly Countdown or Repeater tile’s count reaches 0, destroy 1 enemy AP in the enemy’s strongest color.
- Level 2: Deals 2046 damage. (Max level 8223 damage)
- Level 3: Deals 2232 damage. (Max level 8970 damage)
- Level 4: Deals 2327 damage. (Max level 9354 damage)
- Level 5: Creates a Fortified Repeater tile.
Burn Notice – 6 Blue AP Abigail Brand uses her mutant gift of flaming hands to turn the opposition to ash. Create 1 strength 118 Attack tile and a 2-turn Blue Repeater tile that removes 1 enemy Strike, Attack, or Protect tile and creates 1 strength 118 Attack tile. (Max level 474 strength for both created tiles)
- Level 2: Creates a strength 131 Attack tile. The Blue Repeater tile creates a strength 131 Attack tile. (Max level 527 strength for both created tiles)
- Level 3: Creates 2 Attack tiles.
- Level 4: Creates strength 155 Attack tiles. The Blue Repeater tile creates a strength 155 Attack tile. (Max level 622 strength for all created tiles)
- Level 5: Creates a Fortified Blue Repeater tile.
Brand Loyalty – 5 Yellow AP Abigail Brand can always get her team the resources they need. Create a 3-turn Yellow Countdown tile that reduces another friendly Repeater or Countdown tile to 0.(PASSIVE) Up to 3 times per turn, when a friendly Countdown or Repeater tile’s count reaches 0, Abigail Brand’s team gains a burst of 353 health. (Max lev
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because of several posts I've read here over the past few months, I recently went down the deepest rabbit hole I have ever gone down, regarding Tolkien's work. I was trying to find out the specific powers of The Three Rings of The Elves, and that grew into the powers of all the Great Rings, and magic, in general.
The following is an excerpt of what I've collected regarding magic, in general, and specific uses and instances of magic in LOTR.
What Is Magic
I found the following in Letters written by Tolkien concerning magic in Ea.
Letter #155: I am afraid I have been far too casual about 'magic' and especially the use of the word; though Galadriel and others show by the criticism of the 'mortal' use of the word, that the thought about it is not altogether casual. But it is a v. large question, and difficult; and a story which, as you so rightly say, is largely about motives (choice, temptations etc.) and the intentions for using whatever is found in the world, could hardly be burdened with a pseudo-philosophic disquisition! I do not intend to involve myself in any debate whether 'magic' in any sense is real or really possible in the world. But I suppose that, for the purposes of the tale, some would say that there is a latent distinction such as once was called the distinction between magia and goeteia.1 Galadriel speaks of the 'deceits of the Enemy'. Well enough, but magia could be, was, held good (per se), and goeteia bad. Neither is, in this tale, good or bad (per se), but only by motive or purpose or use. Both sides use both, but with different motives. The supremely bad motive is (for this tale, since it is specially about it) domination of other 'free' wills. The Enemy's operations are by no means all goetic deceits, but 'magic' that produces real effects in the physical world. But his magia he uses to bulldoze both people and things, and his goeteia to terrify and subjugate. Their magia the Elves and Gandalf use (sparingly): a magia, producing real results (like fire in a wet faggot) for specific beneficent purposes. Their goetic effects are entirely artistic and not intended to deceive: they never deceive Elves (but may deceive or bewilder unaware Men) since the difference is to them as clear as the difference to us between fiction, painting, and sculpture, and 'life'.
Both sides live mainly by 'ordinary' means. The Enemy, or those who have become like him, go in for 'machinery' – wi
If this post sounds familiar to you, you may remember that this was a topic previously on /r/HobbyDrama in the sweet Summers of 2020. I specifically remember reading this while on vacation. However, the original author seems to have either deleted their account or taken the post down, so I decided to revive the post. Back when Removeedit worked for Reddit posts I could link to the text itself but that unfortunately seems to have shut down.
Anyway, let's get into this:
> What's Critical Role?
Beginning in early 2015, Critical Role is a live-streamed game of Dungeons and Dragons helmed by several popular voice actors such as Matthew Mercer (Jotaro Kujo, Leon Kennedy, Maximus from Leo the Lion), Travis Willingham (Thor, Roy Mustang, this store owner in Nip/Tuck) and Laura Bailey (Rise from Persona 4, the Female Boss in Saints Row 3/4, Kaine in Nier). If you were an anime fan watching dubs from the mid 2000s to the mid 2010s or you just played a video game, I guarantee you heard at least one of these actors in something. It's a veritable who's-who of big name voice actors.
While recording for Resident Evil 6, Mercer decided to give a birthday present to Liam O'Brien, specifically a one-shot D&D game. This was run in the... controversial... 4th edition version of the game, and presumably after Mercer took a visit to his local exorcist, realized the error of his ways. When O'Brien expressed interest in continuing the game, Mercer agreed and they shifted to Pathfinder. The crew share some stories as they go, with it becoming a frequent thing that gets brought up during convention panels as a fun aside. Back before Vine died it was very common to see the actors making Vines of tabletop moments, and some of the original campaign was preserved through Youtube. The team go by the name Vox Machina- latin for Voice Machine, but initially they operated under the name Super High Intensity Team, or... The SHITS.
I will actually be shocked if they refernece that old name in the cartoon. The party for Campaign 1 consisted of:
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Matt Mercer as DM.
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Marisha Ray as Keyleth, Half-Elf Dru
I was reading the NJO (and beyond) AU fanfiction by YodaKenobi on tf.n. And there comes a point where (spoilers for the fic series) >!all but 13 Jedi Knights/Masters are wiped out, along with most of the apprentices etc by a Sith called Darth Malig. !<
The following is Luke's response to this (written in 2012, just saying). Read the full chapter and ignore context if you want, but this is the key bit. Skip to the end if you must for the most important part (I've marked it out and its in the comments because character counts)
>The fire popped and crackled as its blue cinders collapsed, sending sheaves of glowing embers and flickering motes of ash swirling above the lashing ribbons of orange flame into the cold night sky, where one by one they dimmed and went out, just like...
>
>Jaina let the thought trail off, feeling cold and empty again.
>
>How long had it been since she had been staring into another campfire on a beach far from Tatooine? Fourteen hours? Twenty?
>
>She couldn't be sure. But in that time, everything had changed.
>
>Darth Malig had won. The Jedi were destroyed. And all was lost...
>
>It didn't seem real somehow. In the year since this war had begun, Jaina had never really thought that they would fail. The Light always triumphed in the end, didn't it? The heroes won and the villains were vanquished, right? Like with the Empire. Like with the Yuuzhan Vong. That was the way it was supposed to be. As cynical and guarded as Jaina could often be, she was surprised to find in the depths of her own soul that she truly believed this.
>
>So how had everything gone so terribly wrong? How could Darth Malig have defeated them so completely? How could the Jedi lose the very thing they were fighting so hard to protect?
>
>The answer, of course, was that Jaina, and all the others had been wrong.
>
>Sometimes the villains did win.
>
>Sometimes heroes died.
>
>Whatever balance had once governed the Force was gone. It was as if Malig had snuffed out the light in the galaxy as easily as he might have a candle in the night.
>
>And the galaxy had fallen into darkness.
>
>Jaina shivered.
>On the other side of the fire some five meters away, Leia Organa Solo sat in
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Previous chapter: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/rroqgi/longhunter_ch2_part_2/
First chapter: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/rqyezp/longhunter_ch1_part_1/
CHAPTER 3: FRIEND OR FOE
They ran for what must have been hours, George’s lungs burning with the effort, his feet blistering. Even so, the cloaked stranger kept up her pace, flowing through the forest like a river. He had no idea how she knew where she was going – everything looked the same to him. Still, the blackened, blighted trees slowly began to give way to healthier woodland. The pervasive mist started to clear, sunlight bleeding in through the leafy canopy, the air somehow less oppressive. There were still patches of wilted trees here and there, but it was far less frequent.
“I haven’t heard one of those whistles for a while,” he panted, pausing to lean against a tree as he caught his breath. “Shouldn’t we stop for a moment?”
The woman looked around, then nodded her hooded head.
“We can stop for a time. They will not be able to track us this far.”
“I have to get something to eat,” George sighed, shrugging off his heavy pack. “I’ve been running all day. I feel like I’m about to collapse.”
The stranger watched curiously as he set down his gear, finding a clear area of the forest floor where he began to arrange rocks in a circle. She offered no help as he collected fallen sticks to use as firewood, simply observing from a short distance. He pulled his fire starter from his pocket, tapping the flint and steel together to create a spark on a piece of dry foliage, cupping his hands around it as he blew on it to get it going. Before long, he had a modest fire going, and he set about constructing a tripod for his cooking pot. He filled the vessel from his canteen, setting the water to boil.
Fortunately for him, but unfortunately for his companions, being the designated cook for the group had meant that he was carrying most of their food on his person. As he hung his iron pot from the tripod and began to slice up pieces of dried meat on his cutting board, the cloaked figure drew closer, watching from beneath the shadow of her cowl.
“What is that?” she asked.
“You’ve never seen salted meat before?” George said as he slid the morsels into the boiling water. “It’s just flesh that was dried in the sun, then salted to preserve it.”
He a
... keep reading on reddit ➡#Absolution Patch Notes and Megathread
#Patch Notes • Livestream • Overview
##Flair New Champion: Azaan, The Eternal
Once the king of a long-forgotten kingdom, the Eternal has existed to see countless reigns end. Forged in the crucible of the Pyre’s flames as the embodiment of all that Persists, Azaan is tasked with maintaining the existence of a Realm kept free from Abyssal influence. Few still alive have ever had cause to engage with the one of the oldest of the Pyre Lords, but those who have know that his purifying flames care not for friend or foe, only for the complete eradication of the Abyss. Events in the Realm have upset the balance, leading to the Abyss’ influence creeping ever closer, and so the Eternal descends from on high to deliver a final warning to the Realm: deal with the Abyss, or have it be dealt with, by any means deemed necessary.
Flair Frontline
Health: 4500
Abilities
| Name | Skill Type | Description | Cooldown |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ire | Passive | Taking and dealing damage increases your Ire, which reduces the damage you take by up to 20% at 100% Ire. While you are above 85% Ire, you deal 12% increased damage. Using a basic ability above the Ire threshold augments that ability. Using any basic ability consumes Ire. | - |
| Judgement | Weapon | Throw your hammer in an attack chain of medium, medium, heavy, dealing 540 damage on medium hits and 660 on heavy hits. | - |
| Reckoning | Alt-Fire | After a brief windup, send out a projectile that explodes into an area in front of you, dealing 300 damage and Lifting enemies hit for 0.3s. Ire threshold: Reduce the Cooldown of this ability. | - |
| Sanctuary | Ability 1 | Create a series of 5 wall segments in a semi-circle, each with 2500 Health. Carrying an enemy into your wall with your movement ability will deal additional damage and Stun them. Ire threshold: |
He calls me his masterpiece. 'From Man, the Machine.' That's what the plaque says. I can't see it, but he's told me that's my 'title'. All I can see is the screen and the onlookers on the other side of the glass. Looking at both is still disorienting. I'm not used to my eyes being so far apart and don't reckon I ever will be. Also, I miss blinking. A lot.
His name is Tobias Keinseele. There are two things you need to know about him. One, he's an artist. Two, he's completely fucking insane. You'd recognize him if you saw him straight away, that mirror-surfaced glass eye is hard to miss. Chances are you won't see him though, not unless you're down on your luck.
If you have already heard of him, and are alive to read this, then fuck you. Why? Because it means you're one of the oily leeches on the other side of the glass. One of the ones gawping at me, the ones rich and wealthy enough to know about Tobias Keinseele and his gallery of anatomical defiance. I've recognized dozens of them. So many of the faces I saw in the papers and on TV have seen me too.
I doubt they think of me as a 'me' anymore though, if they ever did see us dregs, drifters, and junkies as people that is. Hell, Tobias' gallery is probably the only time folk like that acknowledge folk like me exist at all.
That's how I met him, you see. I needed money for a fix. The ad in the paper was simple enough. "Artist looking for models with unusual histories, cash-in-hand, address below". Did I question the danger of that vagueness? No. My junk-focused mind only noticed those three little words: cash-in-hand.
It took me nearly an hour walking deep into the sprawling industrial district to find the place. By this point in my addict journey, I was used to walking until my feet bled to get a fix. I was already imagining the prick of the needle and rush of euphoria when my shaking finger pressed on the buzzer of the large, derelict warehouse. Normal people, people that don't wake up in gutters, would have been suspicious of the near-abandoned industrial estate. Folk like yourselves would probably have turned around and looked for safer ways to make some scratch. I'm not… I wasn't, folk like yourselves though. At the time this ominous cube of brick-and-mortar with its boarded windows and distance from the safety of civilization was no different from any building I woke up in.
The voice that answered the intercom also would have made you flee, I bet. Not me though. I'd spent too many decades
... keep reading on reddit ➡Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l Part 6
I was growing more and more agitated as Elsa tried to explain something to me that I was fairly certain even she didn’t fully understand.
“So, you have to focus on the place,” Elsa said, trying to calm me down.
I heaved a heavy sigh, my hand still on the door, “Elsa, we should drop you off at the apartment, this might be dangerous.”
Elon smiled, “We’re picking up an old lady. Trust me, it won't be dangerous.”
“I’ve seen worse happen in less risky situations,” Xei countered.
“Everyone!” I shouted, “Shut… Up… Please…?”
Elsa was silent, “Sorry Hannah.”
“It’s fine,” I sighed, looking the door up and down, “No one else can do this?”
“It has to be in your mind. When you focus on the location you wish to visit, then the doorway will open up and we’ll be there,” Xei explained.
I turned to her, “And you don’t believe in magic?”
“It’s a portal with a telekinetic interface,” Xei shrugged, “It’s not my fault you Terrans are mind-blind.”
“Hey! That’s racist… I think…” Elsa exclaimed, “Wait, Terran? Like… Earthling?!” Elsa gasped, “Are you from a race of vampire people?!”
Xei gave Elsa a deadpan stare and turned to me, “Must she come along?”
“She’s my friend,” I said, heaving a sigh, “And unless you want to make a stop off at my apartment and not the old woman’s caravan…”
Elsa nodded, “Yeah! Besides, we’re making up a pretty well balanced party right? I’m the human with common sense and you’re the brooding vampiress who’s hiding her feelings behind a wall of emotion and spite!”
Elon chuckled.
“Shut it,” Xei hissed.
“You’re the skilled warrior!” Elsa said, gushing to Elon, “and Hannah is our Druid!”
“I am not a druid,” I corrected.
“You’re the plant lady!” Elsa smiled.
“And Elsa is our plucky comic relief,” Elon said, smiling to her.
“Yes! That!” Elsa gasped happily.
“Everyone, can you
... keep reading on reddit ➡Ah, the holiday season. Family. Friends. Cherubs. Carols.
That’s right, bitches. We are about to blow the doors off of this shit with a band that is pro-Satan, pro-evil, and all about Doom. And they have an Elvis cover album.
Glenn Danzig hates wearing a shirt almost as much as Iggy Pop, and also can’t stand home renovation.
Strap in. We are looking at DANZIG.
About them
New Jersey is not a state that has shown up often in these write ups, if at all. Alas, we have to break that streak of good luck today as the story of Danzig starts in the city of Lodi, NJ.
Glenn Allen Anzalone was born as the third of four sons. His parents had led interesting lives: Mr. Anzalone was a USMC veteran turned TV repairman, and Mrs. Anzalone worked at a record store. Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, young Glenn was exposed to a great deal of music, in no small part due to his mother’s job.
And boy, was he listening to the good stuff: Elvis. Blue Cheer. The Doors. Sabbath. Right into his teenage years, Anzalone was getting exposed to some of the earliest forms of Rock.
So obviously, he was also a ne'er-do-well. He began experimenting with drugs and alcohol at the young age of 10, and was detained for breaking and entering at age 11. His childhood friends had a habit of building forts, and kidnapping classmates.
You know, normal kid stuff.
Amazingly, he managed to shake this habit, dropping most of the potent drugs at age 15. I don’t know about all of you, but when I was 15 I wasn’t even capable of dropping my addiction to Minecraft. To this very day, Anzalone abstains from hard liquor, keeping himself to only wine and champagne, and making a staunch habit of never drinking before a show.
With his musical tastes and youthful vigor, it came as no surprise that he got involved with music from a young age. While his Piano and Clarinet talents came through lessons in his formative years, his vocal chops and Guitar skills are all self-taught. He first got involved with the mu
... keep reading on reddit ➡I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
** I may be late in responding for the next couple days while I return home from traveling. I will answer everyone eventually**
PLEASE BE AWARE THERE MAY BE AN IMPERSONATOR OF ME. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO ALWAYS MATCH THE REDDIT USERNAME AND STEAM PROFILE WITH MINE AND MAKE SURE IT IS NOT A SLIGHT VARIATION. DO NOT ADD ANYONE ON STEAM OR RESPOND TO ANY PMS IF IT IS UNSOLICITED. IT WILL BE A SCAMMER
SAFE TRADING GUIDELINES: PLEASE READ THIS EVEN IF WE HAVE TRADED BEFORE. STEAM KEYS ARE SAFER TO TRADE.
I am taking extra precautions to ensure nobody's accounts or games are put into jeopardy. I have been doing this for a while now but I want to expand precautionary measures to make sure trading stays safe for everyone. I prefer receiving and providing steam keys. You must let me know what region you are in before we initiate the trade. Game trading is against Humble TOS so always be aware of that and trade with other users who you know are looking out for your interests as well.
DO NOT LINK YOUR STEAM PROFILE TO YOUR HUMBLE ACCOUNT
Also, as always, be wary of anyone impersonating me in pms or on Steam. I will generally not add you on Steam unless we come to agreement, so make sure you are only taking to my reddit username or my steam profile, which can be found here. Anyone else is a scammer
Also if i change my offer on a bundle, and we traded in the past day or two at a lower price, remind me and i can send the difference in a future trade.
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I have a ton of games to trade, mostly from past bundles, but also many from retail purchases I made from the humble store, fanatical and other retailers. I also offer PayPal (US region but I can usually cover fees) , giftcards or I can purchase games on Steam or any other storefront, to gift directly to you on demand. Please note, I do not sell my games for paypal, unless specifically noted. You can find the list of games I have available here
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I have alot of trading rep you can find here as well on my steam profile here. Feel free to pm or add
Hi y'all,
One of my absolute favorite things to do in this game are try to find the sweet spot between "play your way" and "be viable," because customization is one of the hallmarks of ESO. I was inspired to try my latest creation because it feels like every week on this sub we get the "I want to use a Sword and Board but I don't want to tank" question, and every week we answer with the same thing: You can use a sword and board, but your damage is going to be awful.
However, in the process of responding to one of those posts, I realized something that I thought was fairly magical: Power Slam, an ability I think most people don't even realize exists, is balanced as a melee spammable. (To compare, look at Venom Skull [about 10% less damage in the tooltip due to being a ranged spammable, and Crystal Weapon, which is basically the same damage as Power Slam. It is notable that both Venom Skull and Crystal Weapon have much better secondary effects, though.)
I set to work trying to figure out a build that could use Power Slam as its primary spammable, with the goals of 85k and beating vVH using it. First was deciding on class. I went with Warden because of the passives from Animal Companion on the front bar, plus Bear is just incredible for both damage and soloing. I do believe you could make other classes work. This is how I'd order them in potential:
- Stamsorc - Comparable to Warden, go double pet stamsorc for the passive damage.
- Nightblade - Probably solid, and addresses SnB front bar's big weakness of not having an execute.
- Necro - Extra crit in execute is nice, and you get a lot of damage from Blastbones and other abilities. Wouldn't be my first choice, but solid middle of the pack.
- DK - Maybe? I don't play enough stamDK (read: any), but I believe it's pretty DoT heavy with very little spammable use.
- Templar - Don't. There's really no reason to use any spammable other than Jabs as a Stamplar.
For gear, I ran with a super meta build. I'm sure you could hit decent numbers with any solid stamina gear, but I ran: Advancing Yokeda front bar/jewels, Rele body, 1pc Kilt, and 1pc Kragh's. For my backbar, I ran the vMA 2Hander.
Why a 2H on your backbar? First, Carve is just a ridiculously good DoT if you can keep it up. Second, this build notably lacks AoE, particularly on the front bar. Shalks is great, but
... keep reading on reddit ➡For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Hello, everyone. I'm back with my Generation 3 review. I'm really bad when it comes to procrastinating, so this took me longer than it should. It also didn't help that I stopped at a point where I was grinding for the end game. Hopefully you guys enjoy reading this.
- Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald: Emerald is my choice of game for the first entry into generation 3, being the enhanced version. I remember playing this game in elementary school, a lot. I got Emerald for my birthday when I was about 9 or 10 and I enjoyed playing it. Unfortunately, this kid from my school who lived in my neighborhood took it from me... I would say this is where my love for the series began to solidify, becoming an important part of my childhood and a way to escape reality as an adult.
For RSE, we get to venture into Hoenn, a new tropical region known for creating memes about trumpets and having too much water. We get 135 new Pokémon to catch and battle with, bringing our total to 386; the Hoenn dex has 202 for us to use. In Hoenn, we get to take on new gyms to become the new champion while facing off against Team Aqua in Sapphire, Team Magma in Ruby, and both in Emerald. Aqua, whose only true crime is being too good looking, want to expand the ocean using Kyogre and Magma, a buncha dorks in red hoodies, want to expand the land with Groudon.
Before I talk about the good and the bad of the game, I want to point out the differences between the originals and Emerald. With Yellow, you started with Pikachu, you can get all three Kanto starters, and the gym leaders' teams reflected those in the anime. In Crystal, the gyms don't change, but Suicune becomes the main legendary to catch as it appears on the boxart. Emerald goes a little bit further with the changes from Ruby and Sapphire. As stated before, you clash with both Team Aqua and Magma. The gym leaders get better teams to use with the ability to rematch. Wallace is now the champion, but you can still fight Steven after beating the league (And I defeated him while losing just a tiny bit of sanity). As for post game, you get to visit the Battle Frontier. You are also able to catch Groudon, Kyogre, and Rayquaza, the three boxart legendaries. More on that later.
Like my previous posts, negatives first. Honestly, the Hoenn Pokémon kinda suck.
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
Context: After using the Pharos (an ancient beacon/communications device) in order to kill a group of invading Night Lords, loyalist Iron Warriors warsmith Barabas Dantioch is on the verge of death. Imperial Fist captain Alexis Polux is Dantioch's friend.
>Polux struggled to his hands and knees. The pain spikes were so much junk, like everything else in the room. All the illumination in the chamber was dead. The sun was over the horizon and the light of early morning shone through the aperture in the promontory, highlighting curls of smoke. Shakily, he got up. He plucked the wrecked spikes from his interface ports and shattered his bonds with his Emperor-given strength. He limped through the wreckage-strewn tuning floor, toward the still form of the warsmith, his friend.
>‘Brother Dantioch’, he said. ‘Barabas!’
>He cradled the warsmith in his arms, and hope bloomed in him. Dantioch lived, for the moment.
>The Iron Warrior’s mask lay on the floor, and so Polux looked upon a face he had never seen. Dantioch was older than he expected. Lines of pain were etched into his scarred face that nothing could erase.
>His eyes opened. They moved sightlessly, blinded by the intense flare of the Pharos.
>‘Alexis…?’ he whispered.
>‘I am here, Barabas.’
>The warsmith clutched at the arms encircling him. ‘I neve thought to call one such as you friend,’ he smiled.
>‘You are my friend, Barabas, and my teacher’.
>‘I am dying.’
>‘You will live!’ Polux said fiercely.
>Dantioch shook his head. Polux wished he had water to give him, anything.
>His croaking voice became insistent. ‘Listen to me. I saw such things in the light. This war is only the beginning…’ He swallowed, and his throat clicked painfully. ‘The beginning…of the end…’
>Dantioch gasped and settled back, his strength finally leaving him.
>‘But I am glad, Alexis. I am glad to have been. I am glad to have known you. It is something that friendship can exist at all in this universe of terror and betrayal’.
>‘Quiet now. You must save your strength!’
>Dantioch’s scarred mouth cracked into a smile. ‘I have no strength left. I have done my duty, and I am no longer ashamed.’ His back arched in pain, and he gasped. ‘All hail the Emperor of Mankind, still beloved by all. May His dream be saved, even if we cannot.’
>A long rattling breath escaped him, and his face stilled. Dantioch’s body went limp in Polux’s arms.
&
... keep reading on reddit ➡but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
At the grand feast of literature, War and Fantasy often sit next one another. Seems a strange pairing. He’s a brute; she’s a dreamer. But fun fact: they grew up together in the bronze age. Hung out all through classical times (both dated Venus, but who didn’t?) When Mars marched to war, Fantasy sent her bards along to sing of bloody deeds entirely justified by their poetic worth.
Foot soldiers who scythed wheat last week needed to hear why they now held a spear, facing a horde of screaming strangers. They needed bards to explain that they fight for the gods; how men are mortal but acts of courage are eternal. In defeat or victory, the sparks from funeral pyres rise up to the stars. And so the Muse of Fantasy has always walked through battle fields, presenting the poetic answer to ‘what are all these dead people about’?
Not to call Fantasy a lackey. No troubadour worth their mead settles for singing commercial jingles for the God of War. And though there is no real god of war, no muse of fantasy, there has always been war and the bards who served. Which brings us to ground examined often as military maps of Alsace-Lorraine: what effect has war had on those who write fantasy?
They themselves often decline to say. It may be they cannot say. Those who know a subject are often NOT the ones who best describe it. Virgins can write excellent erotica; while tech knowledge is often inverse to a programmer's ability to explain code. When contemplating the pairing of War and Fantasy, it is worth considering some famous fantasy writers and how their writing was shaped by their experience.
A standard opening offensive: C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien. Two teenagers pulled from studying classical descriptions of Homeric war, sent into the 20th century industrial death factory called the First World War. Both lost friends, lost health, grew used to dead bodies stacked casually as spare lumber. Ever notice how Tolkien so often describes what happens to the dead after battle? It’s all through the War of the Ring. How many writers would have their heroes lose precious time to honorably dispose of Boromir? Recall after the battle of the Pelennor, there comes that beautiful listing of the fallen, complete with memorial for Theoden’s horse (and a cursed spot for the Nazgul’s steed). After the Scouring of the Shire’s, we learn where the honored fallen are buried, where the dishonorable are dragged away.
That’s a subtle reminder: the write
... keep reading on reddit ➡Pilot on me!!
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