1 GB.
He said Merry Isthmus!
Say EU real fast.
It’s not EU, it’s me.
Think a glen.
He was a private tutor.
Long time fan, first time poster.
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Egyptian Transport Secretary: We need a new bus
So today I’m wearing pants to take her to school.
He stalled for time.
After you come out, you're American...
What are you when you're in the bathroom?
European
(as told by my 10 year old daughter)
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
They'd traded jokes, played pop music, and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.
Now, though, there was silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax message from the Department of Defense. As licensed broadcasters they were legally obligated to alert the public, to tell them the nukes were flying and that in a few minutes all the world's troubles would be over. What, though, was the point of that? To torture people with the knowledge of something they couldn't change?
Their eyes met and a decision was reached. Bert put on their most requested song, a sugary top 40 tune while Ernie produced a bottle of bourbon from under the desk. As their producer banged on the locked studio door the colleagues toasted the end of a long career.
Bert, always the consummate professional, turned away from the window as the first explosion split the distant horizon. He straightened his tie, tucked in his shirt, and brushed his hair back. He would meet his fiery death with dignity.
He turned to Ernie and said in a quiet, resigned voice, "How do I look, Ernie?"
Ernie walked slowly over to his friend. He looked into Bert's face and saw the closeness they shared, the strength of their relationship, forged over the years. He took a deep breath and spoke quietly:
"With your eyes, Bert."
Anaanymous
It is my sinktuary
now i can't see Jack shit
The man says, “Actually, I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?”
Momorial Day
They still haven’t found what they’re looking for.
It just keeps Dublin and Dublin
He pled the fifth.
Because they love Stalin
but everyone was occupied
He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”
“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”
"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.
He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”
The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.
Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."
The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.
The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.
"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"
The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.
"What seems to be the problem, sir?"
"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"
The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.
"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."
“Oh we want the hottest girls you got”
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
The USS Aarrgh
It looks like I'm doing time
But I've seen stranger things.
They keep on Stalin.
Then Pennsylvania would be the pennultimate state.
His dad responded: "Otherwise it would just be ublic showers."
The USS Aaarggh
The bear asks the rabbit, "You ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit says, "No."
So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit...
I'm slowly getting accustoms to it
It would have been an ideal location for the Quakers.
Some little girl to my left - “Dad!! Where are you?”
Dad- “Over here by this blueberry bush!”
I was on EDGE there.
Amazon lobsters in Maine attempt to unionize, but wind up in hot water. In an interview, Jeff Bezos simply stated, “Pass the butter.”
1 GB
1 GB
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His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
She was a private tooter
She had to become a private tooter
